Fail to plan...plan to fail.

I am the first person to admit that I am a dreadful planner. I have no idea what I need to do, where I need to go, and who I'm going to disappoint. The fact is, I tend to be a spontaneous person. I hate making reservations because it feels like a albatross laden commitment. I adore 'just happening' upon an unknown-until-now restaurant. There is something magical about the power of synchronicity that never fails to excite me. Some of the most extraordinary experiences I've had have been ones that have just been allowed to unfold on their own. I've met wonderful people, dove into brand new experiences (for which I had no time to become nervous) and experienced adventures without any sense of preparation of apprehension. I marvel at the twists and turns my paths will take, if I am open to any possibility.

While I think of myself as a free spirit, I certainly don't appear that way to others. I have a horrible feeling that, where I see a joie de vivre, others may see a carelessness. When I envision myself as extroverted and spontaneous, others may see as foolhardy and irresponsible. I have been open to exceptional adventures, simply by being in the right place at a specific moment. But, I have let others down. I have forgotten appointments, I have spaced out commitments and I have been impetuous when caution was merited. I have been disorganized, while trying to explain that my methods might "appear" to be unstructured but that there is order within the chaos. Few people actually buy that malarkey from me....and those are very close to me will call me on my lack of prior planning.

For the most part, I truly want to be more organized. I would prefer not to disappoint anyone I care about. I would love to know where every important item is when I need it. I would like to have a yearly calendar that I simply update every December for the following year. Numerous friends have tried to 'teach me' their systems but their methodology just gets lost in my creative process (otherwise known as laziness). I like to believe that I have an artistic temperament and that I need a certain amount of chaos to flourish for me to see the larger picture. I feel stifled when in the presence of someone overly regimented....such as the Queen of Order herself: Bree Van DeCamp from "Desperate Housewives". One area I find fascinating, as well as entertaining, about Bree is that the more she pulls in the reins of her scheduled perfection, the more her life begins to unravel. While I enjoy using that extreme as an example, I believe that deep down, I have a fear of the very same thing happening to me: if I structure my life, I will stifle myself and everything for which I'm responsible will fall apart.

The single area in which I have discovered the ideal balance is in my yoga classes. I teach 4 to 5 classes per week. Because I teach Ashtanga Yoga, I have created a rudimentary outline for the form the classes will take. My students find this to be extremely comforting because they are able to expect what general poses will come next. This outline also allows for a few spaces in which to 'add in' some new asanas to try. While I try to offer at least 4 new poses each month, these experimental times are still 'scheduled' within the framework of the traditions of our class. My students are able to prepare for a time to try poses that are far more challenging during these blocks, or far more restorative. We allow ourselves to be open to the possibilities that these new asanas will offer us, individually and as a group. There are some that are more successful than others...so successful that I will continue to develop our course design with these new poses to become a regular part of our day. There are others that bomb miserably, and all of us can't wait to be done with them forever.

I have begun to set more realistic goals for myself. I realize that I will never be a color coded system Mom. I may still lose track of an important paper or two. I will overlook a project I had been sure I'd get to. But, I plan on attacking my firm commitments more immediately. I believe that the sooner I am able to finish an assignment, the more quickly I will have to move onto the next train of thought I'm being pulled towards. By giving myself the idea of "no more procrastination", I may just be able to fulfill my responsibilities, while still having time to drift towards an art exhibit I was delighted to discover. Who knows? A more proactive me may still retain the same light heart.

I just hope I can remember where I left my shoes because I'm eager to get started.

Is life not a hundred times too short for us to stifle ourselves. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Wedding Belle Blues

My 15 year old daughter and I have fallen in love with a television show. TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress" is a journey with several women, each of whom is on a quest for the perfect wedding gown. Some of these brides will choose a slinky, sexy number. Others will want to look like a fairy princess, with yards and yards of train in the gown. Some brides will be contemporary, modern and simply chic, while others will want to evoke an old fashioned air of womanly loveliness. To find dresses to fit each of these women's taste and appeal, they head to Kleinfeld in New York, and try on a variety of gowns. There are more than 30 bridal consultants working at Kleinfeld, and each one of these "happiness specialists" may meet with upwards of a dozen clients per day. What always impresses me about these consultants is their ability to find what the bride dreams of in a gown, and then does her best to make that dream come true. Sometimes this means the consultants will suggest gowns that are of a different style, or more often, a different price range, than the bride came in desiring. This usually has positive results. The brides will be utterly overcome at seeing themselves as their "dream selves" emerge in the mirror's reflection. The show is pure escapist fantasy, but it's also great fun, watching brides find the dress that will make them feel the most beautiful.

There are other episodes that make me very sad. Kleinfeld only carries the most elegant in their selection of bridal gowns. I do have to admit that these are stunning examples of art. Yet, I'm overwhelmed by the prices on most of these dresses. Please do not misunderstand my intent: I am not criticizing the makers of these gowns, especially since an enormous amount of time and effort are necessary to create each magnificent piece. Still, I wonder about spending $30,000 on one dress....is it really necessary? The vast majority of brides are not J-Lo. They do not have tens of thousands of dollars to spend on their dream gown. And so, they go into debt in order to pay for a dress that they're positive will make them the most elegant bride in order to guarantee the happiest start to their marriages.

Little girls dream of wearing a long white dress, walking down the aisle on their fathers' arms, and hosting a lavish party. These are wonderful dreams that most of us have had. I can vividly remember dancing around with a white pillowcase on my head, carrying a potted fern, and pretending to walk up the aisle. These are magical ways that many girls use their imagination. Still, when that imagination runs wild, girls grow up and truly believe that without a gown by Vera Wang, or Pnina Tornai, their weddings, let alone their marriages, are doomed. I find this both immeasurably sad and deeply disconcerting. A wedding should be a beautiful celebration of the joining together of two lives. It shouldn't have to be a method of bankrupting a bride or her family just to have to particular look.

One of the nicest weddings I've ever attended was that of my parents. I was in the unusual position of being their flower girl. My mom bought her dress (and mine) off the rack in New York, and we didn't hear the words 'wedding consultant' once. My father had the food delivered from his business, and it was simple and elegant. Music was provided by family and friends and the focus on the outdoor picnic in our own yard was casual and joyful. Since few children can be in their parents' weddings, I was fortunate to be with them as they took their vows before their guests. Although they had been together for a number of years before their wedding, this public declaration of their commitment stayed with me all of my life. I never viewed a wedding as an end, but rather of a continuation of a life already shared, and a promise to be there for another person, regardless of the paths life would take. My parents created a lovely wedding for my husband and me 22 years ago, and I wouldn't have changed a thing. My mother made my gown, my father set a budget, and we created just as special a day for me to begin my married life, as they had created for themselves 20 years before. At no time did I feel short changed that I missed out on wearing a big name. I wore a stunning gown, stitched with love for over a year, and was far more proud to wear a "Mama" original, than one that had been reproduced hundreds of times. The emphasis on our wedding was on our life together, not on the extravaganza itself. I feel incredibly blessed to have been a lifelong witness to what a true marriage partnership looks like. I also feel honored to have been my parents' guest of honor at their wedding.

I still enjoy watching wedding shows on television. "Bridezilla" makes me want to cringe and run away at the horror of some women's dreadful behavior. "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" takes me into the fast paced world of a wedding consultant. Most of all, "Say Yes to the Dress" is simply great fun in a junky magazine sort of way. These programs are entertaining. They're not great art, but they don't need to be. I just hope the brides watching the programs understand that a wedding is far more than a dress...and a marriage is far more than a color scheme. Entertainment, imagination and daydreaming are delightful pastimes. They help us to dream big, to set goals and to create lives for ourselves. We just have to realize the method of how we make those dreams come true for ourselves says a great deal about our character. We need to set our intention to create the spirit inside our inner bride that will match our beautiful gowns. When we can behave the way in which we want to reflect, we'll have a much better chance of a successful marriage, than if we see our dresses as the only way to achieve beauty. We need to learn to 'act as we dress' and create lasting beauty that will far outreach our wedding day.

Women are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only when there is a light from within. ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

The Pursuit of Happiness

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin

All too often, in our culture, we wait for situations to conform to a specific outcome before we will allow ourselves to feel happy. We believe that the stars must be aligned. We wait for Mr. (or Ms.) Right to come along. We hope that our dream job will be offered to us, that the extra 20 pounds we're carrying around our middle will vanish or that we will move into our dream house. We desperately want to be seen as more valuable, more intelligent, more attractive and more successful. We just feel, in our heart of hearts, that if we can achieve these traits that lie just outside our grasp, that then, and only then, will we be happy.

I'm just as guilty of this as the next woman. I wish I were taller and thinner. I wish my hair didn't look quite so dreadful. I wish I were a much better cook. I wish my home looked just as perfect, at every moment, as if it were about to appear in an issue of Better Homes & Gardens. I wish I had more friends. I wish my writing was more insightful. I wish I were more intelligent, articulate, attractive and successful. Most of all, I wish that I wouldn't have all of these wishes. I wish I could feel absolutely complete and content without wishing.

When I had first read the quote by Benjamin Franklin, I was both inspired and more than just a

little intimidated. I have always enjoyed Mr. Franklin's wit and humor. I enjoyed his take on the 'Pursuit of Happiness' ideal set forth in the Constitution. Yet, I was also chastened. Did one of the most powerful thinkers of our nation's history truly mean for *me* to go catch my own happiness? Herein, lies the issue I felt immediately: I did not feel qualified to go chasing down my own happiness. What a frightening thought! I was meant to go take risks, endure possible humiliation and never, for certain, attain my dreams? What if I tried, with all my might and all my power, to grasp those 'wishes' and fell short? I was terrified beyond measure.

At this moment I learned something invaluable about myself: I was so stymied by my own fear of failure that I was going to allow happiness to pass me by. I discovered, sadly, that I was far more content to hold my wishes close and secret, than I was to try to chase them down and risk

losing them forever. A large part of me has always worried that, by naming what I wish for, and working to attain it, I will lose the possibility of that wish coming true. As long as I don't try for my dreams, then I won't be disappointed. In the meantime, I'm setting myself up for a lifetime of sitting around wishing, waiting, hoping and never taking a risk. I also realized that by not even trying, I am not allowing myself the moments of happiness and contentment that are to be found in everyday life.

Therefore, I plan to do a great deal more doing, and a great deal less dreaming. I plan to become more involved in own my life, and less of an observer. I plan to count my blessings more, and my difficulties less. I plan to love more, and criticize less. Above all, I plan to catch my own happiness....and wait for it less.

I just wish thinner thighs were a part of the bargain.

The Book of Lies

"....and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?" Genesis 4:8-9

Brad Meltzer's new novel, "The Book of Lies", is a roller coaster of emotion, fast paced action, and fascinating ideas. The story, which is one third Indiana Jones, another third Da Vinci Code,

and a third part pure invention, holds the reader's attention from the first chapter onward. The plot centers around a family saga regarding the weapon that Cain used to kill Abel that day in a jealous rage in the field. This is not a theoretical or folklore recitation of what might have taken place. Rather, it's the extraordinary journey that crosses religions, beliefs, and even all sense of time to find out not only if the weapon existed, but if such a tool could have survived to the present day. Additionally, the novel's protagonist hunts for keys to the real story of Cain and Abel. Could Cain have been

provoked? How was he marked following his confrontation with God? What more could there be to the story than the 4th Chapter of Genesis alludes to?

I have a passion for archeology. In college, I considered seriously switching my major from Developmental Psychology to Ancient Civilizations. I read Homer, Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. I studied Mesopotamian, Persian, Goth and Celtic lore. I wrote long essays on the Roman contribution to the western world, as well as passionate theories of the Library of Alexandria's potential contents. However, nothing captured my attention the way that Biblical archeology did. It was fascinating to learn more about the most likely sites for Moses to have received the Ten Commandments, for Joshua to have stopped the sun's progress in the sky to allow victory at Jericho and to learn the most likely hometown of Queen Esther. Biblical archeology is different from other types of reclaiming dig sites. Why? Because the results can be explosive. There are many belief systems that find the digging of possibly sacred sites to be disrespectful of the dead. There are others who believe that taking the Bible on faith is far more valuable than finding the preaching locations of the Prophet Isaiah or Jonah's Ninevah. Additionally, since most of the Middle East is fully settled into a modern, yet complicated and dangerous, society, there aren't as many dig sites as there could be. After all.....those steps of Isaiah could take the archeology team through someone's living room.

Yet, there persists a fascination with the ideas of linking the Bible to our lives today. What better way to do this than by collecting artifacts to prove the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah...or the Ark of the Covenant? "Indiana Jones & Raiders of the Lost Ark" captured my imagination. I was 15 when I first saw the film, and I don't believe that it's ever left me. The premise of the movie, that there truly still existed the original ornate box that the Hebrew people held the original Ten Commandments, sparked a lifelong connection to this specialized field. At one point in the movie, the villain tells Indiana Jones "to find the Ark is to find the hand of God." Looking at the story as a teen, I knew that, to hold something in my hand that was truly God given....would be the most exceptional experience of my life. Although I have never been to the Holy Land, I can easily imagine

walking around the Pyramids, exploring the hills near Jericho, looking at the Dead Sea's depths, wandering through Bethlehem and walking the Via de la Rosa in Jerusalem. It would be similar to walking in the footsteps of giants. I could only hope but imagine that I, too, was walking over the same ground that held Abraham, Isaac, Jospeh, Moses, Ruth, Daniel and Jesus. I can imagine the heady feeling of coming across a place, or an artifact, that truly belonged to these Biblical figures.

Still, do Biblical artifacts have a place in faith? One only has to look at the Medieval practice of selling 'relics' for forgiveness of sins to know that there is the potential for terrible abuse.In the Middle Ages, the selling of slivers of the "True Cross", bones of the saints, scraps of cloth belonging to the Disciples or bits of earth from the Holy Land were common place. People purchased both as penance and as 'good luck charms'. It was believed that these small relics could heal the sick, and even protect against the Plague. When the Protestant Reformation began, one of the key points to the arguments presented by men, like Martin Luther, was the wholesale trade of these counterfeit archaeological finds. Since then, proof has been shown that some saints' bones were really belonging to dogs and cats, and that the wood supposed to be the actual Cross of Christ was not only European, but probably not even old at the time of the sale to an unsuspecting buyer.

This brings us back to "The Book of Lies": does there need to be a weapon found for this story to have merit? Do we need incontrovertible proof of its existence? There is a fascinating with Cain and Abel...not only were they the first alleged siblings to humankind, but also the first murderer and murder victim. To find the weapon used in such a slaying would be ground breaking. It would answer questions, and give insights into the 'prehistoric' time in which the brothers existed. Still, is the story any less meaningful if we can't reconstruct the crime scene, as they do on CSI? Biblical archaeologists, theologians, scientists and historians have been arguing this question for years, and will continue to do so for decades. I believe that these archaeological digs provide us with fascinating views of Ancient Civilization. Having been to Pompeii, and walked on the avenues, experiencing how the Ancient Romans lived, I know that these spectacular finds can be edifying and educational at the same time. Yet, would finding a relic, like Cain's weapon, make, or destroy, my faith? Unlikely in either scenario. I believe that science, history and faith can all walk hand in hand. The thought that Troy was myth, only to proven in the last century, is the point that there is indeed fact within unproven story.

We take study the sites we have discovered. We can look at amazing finds in museums. We can learn from the Bedouins today how life may have been similar to those in Biblical times. But the rest? We just have to take on faith and ask ourselves what lessons can be learned.

A Comedy of Errors

How often is it that we use expressions for which we have lost the original meaning and context? The back story to this often-used slang, meaning, "Everything went so wrong that it had to be funny...." is actually the title of one of William Shakespeare's earliest plays, about two sets of identical twins. The play is not his best or most well known work, but it certainly spawned a cultural significance Shakespeare couldn't have foreseen. The truth is, a mediocre play became a household name. No one remembers the characters, the plot, the setting or even who penned the phrase! Yet, it remains an idiomatic expression in other languages besides English. That, alone, makes "A Comedy of Errors" quite ironic...and quite fitting. Considered to be a flop, how is it that even people who aren't English majors use the term for a ridiculously bad day?

We have all had dreadfully comedic days. Days that the car breaks down when we're late for an important event that we didn't want to attend in the first place. Or that we lock the keys in it. On one memorable occasion, I actually accidentally locked my keys in the car, with the car RUNNING, and my babies strapped into their car seats in the back seat. My son was 2 1/2 and my daughter was 4 months old. I was sleep deprived, emotional and forgetful. I'd forgotten my purse, and my reflex was to hit the automatic locks on the door as I got out of the car. My emergency set? In the car with the kids! Thankfully, my husband was only working ten minutes away at the time and reachable by phone. But, those ten minutes seemed to last forever. The only option was to break a window. The irony? This was our new car, not our old one, and to keep within our budget, we chose to eliminate the window coverage from our car insurance to save some money. While waiting for Jeff to arrive home, I was walking around the car, peering into see the baby sound asleep, and Josh waving at me, wearing his full firefighter regalia (a big stage for toddler boys). I was in a tearful panic by the time Jeff realized he couldn't shimmy open a window. When we were able to "rescue" the children, our son was giggling beyond measure, and our daughter was still sound asleep, lulled by the car engine. Josh told me, "Mama! You so funny! Let's do that again!". My horror was my toddler's amusement.

This episode proved to me that, at our worst times, we have to find ways to laugh. During those days that the washing machine floods the basement when you have weeks' worth of loads to do, or the dog throws up on the rug minutes before guests arrive, seeing the humor in life's comedy of errors can not only take the edge off of anxiety and stress, but can actually help you solve your problems more creatively. During my Yoga teacher training, I was required to take at least 3 classes in every Yoga discipline. This led to me to a great variety of styles, theories, stratagems and beliefs. From sweltering Bikrahm Yoga (practiced in a 100 degree, or more, studio) to Kundalini Yoga (which involved chanting words that made no sense, and made me uncomfortable), I tried my hand at gathering as much experience and knowledge as I could. Some of these classes broadened my knowledge by helping me to learn and grow as both teacher and student. Others simply taught me which styles of Yoga I did *not* want to practice. The most entertaining of these outside courses was "Laughing Yoga". The premise behind this discipline is " joy is your unconditional commitment to have fun from within, regardless of outside conditions." Initially, I had no idea how I would accomplish this! And yet, it was just like the popular You Tube video: once one person got going in nonsensical laughter, during a depressing, oppressive commute, the whole train joined in. The Yoga class was much the same way. I was worried that I wouldn't 'get' the class...that I would be dreadful, that I would make a fool out of myself and that I would manage to practice in the "wrong way". Yet, it changed my perspective, and I found the most extraordinary sense of joy and silliness inside of my anxieties.

If we look at our lives with a sense of humor, we can improve our health. That's an amazing thought, isn't it? Countless medical studies have shown that laughter, in the midst of trial, can bring us an improved immune system, boost our metabolism, help lower our blood pressure

and even reduce our need for medications. Therefore, when I'm under stress, when I'm late, when I'm worried about something, when a situation is far out of my control, I try to see beyond the silver lining; I try to see the comedic lining. In doing so, I not only improve my own health and my own perspective, but I'm sure the people around me are glad that I'm not being snarky over my troubles. Additionally, when you laugh, it's amazing how much the answers to these problems just seem to materialize in your brain. Once you get over "yourself" and take your situation out of the mix, it's exceptional how these issues seem to resolve.

At the very least, you will have a far better time looking at life as a "Comedy of Errors" rather than a tragedy of epic proportions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jedd2FiZTqM

And lead us not into temptation...

"How oft the sight of the means to do ill deeds makes ill needs done."

~ William Shakespeare, The Life and Death of King John

For most church goers, a standard part of the service is reciting the Lord's Prayer. Regardless of whether one asks that our trespasses or our debts be forgiven, we humble ask God for redemption. We entreat Him to meet our daily needs, and we ask that our will be in congruence with God's. Most of all, we beg God's favor by leading us away from temptation and evil. This beloved prayer has been translated into more than 170 languages. If there is a Bible, there is the Lord's prayer, taught to Jesus' disciples, instructing them in the best way to pray. Far too many of us take this prayer as a memory verse, simply mumbling along with the rest of the congregation, as we speak these words from Matthew's gospel. Others expect it to be a magic spell....reciting it will make all our problems go away, in those people's hopes. Yet, what I feel about the Lord's prayer isn't so much the word for word scripture recitation. Rather, it's the meaning behind the words. The intention wasn't for us to use this prayer as a "get out of jail free" card. It was not the prayer itself, as beautiful as it is...it was the method in which Jesus was asking us to open to our hearts to something bigger, something more valuable and something humbling.

Although I plan to write further on this, the one line I'd like to focus on for this piece is "And lead us not into temptation...." That's a very tricky one, isn't it? We implore a higher power not to take us to places in which we will be tempted into making mistakes, into hurting ourselves or others, into feeding bad habits. For each one us, the place of temptation is different, and temptation itself wears many different faces. In the life of a woman struggling with food addiction, the sight of the supermarket candy aisle might be her worst temptation. For a man dealing with the crisis of wanting a cigarette, being in his old spot in which he'd smoke, or being with friends who are smokers, can be an intoxicating lure. These temptations carry with them life threatening consequences. The first case could be facing high blood pressure, diabetes, angina and many other physical ailments. The latter could be facing lung cancer, emphysema and stroke. The temptations for these cases could literally take their lives, and have done so, in far too many cases.

What about those of us who are tempted in ways that aren't visible? What if we are tempted to brag about our lives to people around us, puffing up ourselves in self-importance, making those to whom we speak feel badly about themselves? What if we are desperately want to keep shopping, buying things we don't need and can't afford, just to look a certain way? What if are tempted to do a mediocre work related project, only expending the bare minimum of effort, when our clients are expecting our full attention? What about gossiping with our neighbors regarding the new family who just moved in? What about the ways we sink into bad habits that destroy our sense of value, our belief in excellence, our humility, our friendship and our honor? I believe that we can call on the God of our beliefs all we want, begging for His mercy for our many faults. But, if we lead *ourselves* astray, are we really allowing ourselves to be led away from temptation? I believe we can be our own worst enemies, and can invite temptation into our lives, even while giving lip service to asking it to be removed from our hearts and minds.

What do we do next? We know we have one stumbling block...how do we overcome it? In Matthew 5:30, Jesus writes, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away from you." Should we actually maim the body parts that cause us to walk right into the behaviors, or thoughts, we don't wish to have? Of course not. We would all be blind, deaf and unable to walk or hold items in our hands if this were the literal case. Metaphorically, however, I do believe we can take a great deal of meaning from these words from Matthew. If something isn't working in your life, if a behavior pattern is unhealthy, unproductive, lazy, or unkind, we need to find ways to remove any triggers from our lives. We're addicted to junk food? Do not buy it. Do not bring it in the house. We want to quit smoking? Don't be around smokers at all. Obviously, gain assistance from professionals in mastering these behaviors, but the first step is telling ourselves that we are not going to be our own enablers. Shopaholics? Take 60, or even 30, days and buy *nothing* but food. Don't purchase so much as a pair of socks. When catalogs come, through them in the trash. If we receive an email that a great sale is going in a store we love, delete the email without reading it. Don't allow yourself to say "Well, I'll just see what they have....", and set yourself up to place an order. Gossiping? When your friend wants to badmouth a mutual acquaintance, politely change the subject, or simply have to get off the phone. Laziness? Just do the work entrusted to you to do....make no excuses, and set yourself up for success by creating plans of attack for any project. Sometimes looking at too big a picture can throw our best intentions into sloth. Just create one goal and a time and do your best in every goal.

In Yogic tradition, a Zen master wrote, "In the spiritual life, the most important,

significant and fruitful thing is self-control. No self-control, no self-realisation." How similar this idea is to the meaning behind not giving into temptation, but becoming something higher...someone more committed to living the life we are capable of living. How easy it is to give into temptation! How difficult it is to say, "No. I'm choosing a different way." The truth is, temptation exists in all cultures, in all circumstances and in all lives. We each have different areas in which we stumble. But, for the rest our lives, we can choose to remain on the ground, having given in and surrendered to our worst faults. Or, we can acknowledge that life isn't about how many times we mess up, or how many times we fail, or if buy that candy bar, or we buy shoes we don't need. It's about all the times we apologize to those we've wronged. It's about learning from our mistakes. It's about finding ways to help ourselves succeed. It's about walking the course slowly and methodically, achieving our destination with honor....not about getting to the finish line first, pushing others out of our way or using bad habits to help make the race easier.

When you find yourself sliding into those temptations, don't cut off your hand: place it in the hand of someone else. Find something worthwhile for that hand to do that's completely different from your problem area. In overcoming our own temptations, you may just discover that you find yourself helping someone else. Isn't that what it's all about?

Project Dress

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~ Leonardo Da Vinci

In the past twenty-four hours, I have learned a great deal. Having gone from being completely ignorant to slightly enlightened on a fascinating study in human behavior, I felt compelled to share the experience. My friend, Alexandra, is one of my idols regarding theology and 'living out her faith through her actions'. Unbeknowst to her, as she suggested a link for "The October Dress Project" on Facebook, a large number of her friends began chiming in on this subject. The premise behind this project is that one woman has chosen to highlight the vast amount of consumerism in our culture, particularly with women and their clothing. The blogger in question chose to shine a light on how much money, time, energy and worry we spend on clothing ourselves. "The October Dress Project" website linked me to another woman's story: the "Little Brown Dress" journey. In this case, the woman made her own simple brown dress and wore the same dress for one year, documenting her journey emotionally, spiritually, economically and practically. She answered the question of "Do you wash the dress?" and "What happens if you get a hole?" (The answers were "Yes!" and "I sew it back up."). The Little Brown Dress Project sparked a memory of a story I'd read about in a magazine: the Uniform Project. A woman designed her own simple black dress, but in this case, she did have 7 identical dresses made in order to ease with the laundry load. The Uniform Project went a step further in that she wore all accessories that were homemade, donated or bought second hand. As I looked through the photos of the latter two blogs, I was amazed and impressed by the ingenuity the women showed in how to create whole outfits around one particular dress...creating everything from weekend wear to work wear, from casual to fashionable.

The average in American women's fashions is to spend $3500/year on new clothes, shoes and accessories. Of course, there are women who spend far more than that on one purse or one ring. There are also women who are adept thrift store shoppers and can walk out of a consignment store in an outfit worthy of exiting Saks Fifth Avenue. I wish I had that ability, and I envy my friends who can spend less than $20 on an outfit that embodies style, sophistication and a personal touch. The amount of money that can be spent on women's clothes is staggering. Why is that? As a fashion junkie myself, it's a tough habit to break. Although I can't afford to put together looks from Haute Couture houses, I daydream about walking into Chanel or Dior and walking out with an entirely new look that just screams "elegance". I read "Vogue", "Lucky" and "In Style" with a voracious hunger to know what's 'new', what's 'hot' and what's 'next'. Just as I can admire great art without being able to paint or sculpt, I can appreciate great fashion, without the ability to carry it off, either stylistically or financially.

What is it about fashion that is utterly captivating to women? In my own case, it's a desire to want to be attractive, as well as to be perceived as 'current', 'literate' and 'forward thinking'. While my own wardrobe tends to run towards the classics, I love playing with trendier touches. I used to say that shopping was my hobby. There was little that I liked more than walking up Madison Avenue or down lower Broadway in Soho, in New York City, popping into all of the little boutiques before stopping at the Mother Ship: Bloomingdale's, on Upper Lexington. I have even indoctrinated my daughter into this annual pilgrimage. Despite being born and raised in Maine, my daughter knows her way around Manhattan as well as most natives. One comment that she shared with me, the last time we were in the City, was "Oh, I can breathe again!". Like the stations of the cross, we have a special walk we do whenever we arrive in town: we walk down 58th Street from Park Avenue, and turn left onto Fifth Avenue...and like true pilgrims we say "hello" to St. John, Balenciaga, Valentino, Gucci, Pucci, Prada, Dior, Chanel, Armani, Dolce & Gabbana, Jimmy Choo, Fendi, Cartier and all the glimmering stores. We turn left again at St. Patrick's Cathedral, and head back up to our hotel. Do we ever enter any of these bastions of elegance? No....they're out of our financial means. But, we do love to sigh at the beautiful windows and that night, we discuss which pieces we saw that would make up our dream outfits.

As I read about the three project sites above, I'm overwhelmed with guilt. I realize that I've been lusting after "things". Worse yet, I feel dreadful that I've taught my teenager the same bad habit. Do we really *need* these shopping extravaganzas to make us feel good about ourselves? I think of my husband and our teenage son, who look at shopping as a *mission* to be planned and executed: they decide what they need (whether it's car tires or a new pair of shoes), plan the location, and get in and out with the exact purchase in record time. They buy no more and no less than they decided to in advance. As a matter of fact, if they can't find it at the first store, they often will second guess the need. For myself, the act of shopping is both relaxing and invigorating. I don't see it as something to cross off my 'to do' list; I see it as a form of self-improvement recreation. Therein lies the difference between myself and the men in my life: we have different goals about purchasing what we need. They buy because they have to. I bought because I wanted to.

The current economic situation curtailed much of our shopping rituals this year. Instead of going to New York, my daughter and I went to the outlet malls and made a strict list of must haves for her prep school dress code. We not only stuck to the list, but we stuck to our budget too. She is well outfitted for her school year, in clothes she'll feel beautiful in. Yet, each piece was carefully selected to be multi-task items. Dresses can be worn to class with a cardigan or with heels to a formal dinner. Pants can be worn with sneakers for every day or with a silky blouse for a special assembly. Her dress code actually made the process simpler: no jeans, no collarless shirts (meaning no t-shirts), no sweatshirts and no distressed clothing. Because her storage space is minimal in her dorm room, we looked for items that could work triple duty: class, formal and weekend. We had more fun looking for bargains and honestly debating each purchase's usefulness. We began to use expressions like "cost per wear" and "durability". There were a few items we spent more on, that could serve a variety of purposes. There were others that, as much as Caroline liked them, she rejected saying "I just don't think that I like this $30 worth". In short, we created a workable, practical, yet lovely wardrobe for her in which every item can serve several purposes.

As far as the three dress projects, I have to say that my interest is piqued. I wear many hats in the course of a week: a yoga teacher, a theology student, a community volunteer, an altar guild member at Church, a hockey mom and a homemaker. Could one outfit serve all of these purposes? Probably not. But, could I simplify what I think I need for each of these areas of my life? Most certainly so. My daughter loves to tease me that I 'reinvent the wheel' every time I go shopping because I am attracted to the same things: namely gray sweaters or t-shirts. When I pick up yet another take on this, Caroline rolls her eyes and says, "Mom! Not another one! There are other colors in the rainbow besides gray!". And yet, I wonder if I have been, unwittingly, trying to create my own little black (or brown) dress, in theory. As I think about what I've worn the most in the past month, I've worn one of these gray tops nearly every day. Although I can't imagine that I would begin a new blog ("The Gray Cashmere Project"), it does stand to reason that I've been getting in my own way. My subconscious has been trying to simplify all along! Because I'm deeply attracted to the concept of simplifying, spending far less and being wiser about using all resources, I believe I'll try to explore this further. My first step, however, will be to learn to live with what I have already, rather than needing the next best thing. I do have a lot of uniform ideas already in my closet.

If you happen to see a woman in gray every day, you might want to say hello. It just might be me.

For more information, visit these websites:

http://www.curatormagazine.com/talastrauss/the-dress-project/

http://littlebrowndress.com/

http://www.theuniformproject.com/