Life's big questions

My oldest child is a high school junior. He’s preparing for his college applications and essays in school and at home. Being an athletic boy, school hasn’t been his most enthusiastic focus. Yet, as college draws closer, Josh has given a new sense of energy to his work. Josh’s English teacher is a good one. After three years of bad fits, we’re thrilled that Josh finally has a teacher who is engaging. Recently, the teacher sent home a fascinating list of writing assignments. These were the most commonly asked questions on college essays. Many of these topics struck me as “Pageant questions”: “What would you do to change the world?”, “What is your life philosophy?” and “Describe your most rewarding experience”, were the top three…all asked for in 400 words, or less. I rolled my eyes when Josh showed them to me. I pictured my 6’ tall rugged hockey player, with a sash on, answering “World peace !” and beaming a million dollar smile to a panel of judges.

Unfortunately, I think that pageants have really given questions like these a bad rap. Honestly, they are each valid, potentially insightful, and deeply meaningful. While pageants have their place in the ‘sound bite’ culture of pretty faces and little substance, I believe these three questions have a greater meaning than getting high marks while wearing heels. These topics for discussion can be informative and illuminating to the reader and life affirming for the writer. So, why are we dumbing them down to pat catch phrases like “World Peace” ?

In fairness to teenagers, we aren’t honestly instilling intellectual thought in our culture. I can’t say I was much different, a generation ago. I am, what I like to call, “an intellectual late bloomer”. That’s a polite euphemism for “dumb chick”. My husband used to joke that my picture was next to “gullible” in the dictionary. I went and looked it up. The teenage brain, for a select few, is fired up and ready to go. My daughter, currently a prep school freshman, is very much this way. She was born ready to answer the deep and thought provoking questions regarding the meaning of life. It’s taken me a long time to get there. Both the tortoise and the hare were having cocktails by the time I arrived.

The teenage brain, for the majority of kids, is simply not firing on all cylinders, literally. The cerebral cortex, the last part of the brain to develop deeply, doesn’t fully function during the teenage years. That combined with a culture that revolves around reality TV and fast paced music videos, makes struggling with life’s greatest questions a challenge.

So, what do we do ? I believe we need to take time to really listen to our teens and to give them opportunities to build up life experiences. I believe they have a valuable contribution to make. It’s not always easy to get them to talk. Most teens, especially boys, will shrug and give a mumbled “dunno….” to these big questions. They'll give the same answer to "What would you like for dinner?" as they would to "What is the meaning of life?" Frankly, they’re not far off with their uncertainty. It’s HARD to know what one’s life philosophy is if you haven’t had time to develop it. It’s almost impossible to think about how you would change the world if your world consists of your friends’ houses, your school and your home. As for rewarding experiences, many of our teens don’t really understand the concept of rewards beyond what rewards THEM….such as the invention of downloadable music and microwavable Bagel Bites. We need to involve our teens in the world around them. They need to have responsibilities, travel opportunities and chances to create “esteemable acts” in order to develop their true life answers. It doesn’t mean we have to travel far. I will guarantee that most communities offer choices for volunteering, for stewardship and for personal development. I truly believe that my son has gained more by volunteering to teach little ones to skate, than from all the hockey games he’s played in over the years. He’s given them a skill. They’ve given him a sense of accomplishment.

Well, after all of this, what *is* my most rewarding experience ? My most rewarding experience has been watching my children prepare to answer these questions, as life bring them their way, and the growth and development they have both gained in the life experiences our extended family has been able to provide. Listening to their answers, on their terms, and in their own ways, has brought me a sense of accomplishment I can only beam with pride over. They have given me cause to shake my head in disbelief, at times, but they have also shown me that young people do have their own answers to the meaning of life. They just need to be shown the questions. And, given an occasional push. With love.