Twins

Ever since I saw the original "Parent Trap" movie, with Hayley Mills, I always wanted to have a twin..or rather, to be one. There is something irresistible about twins. They’re just alike, and yet separate. They have their own short handed language. They are, in short, a mystery. We wonder if they can communicate telepathically. Those of us who are singletons wonder if they never have a sense of feeling alone, since their sibling is always a part of them, even far away. Plus, they’re just so darn cute when they’re little. I don’t believe that anyone can resist seeing small twins, dressed alike, walking down the street holding hands. We also love the twin stories; tales of switching classes in school partway through the day, or later on, switching dates, as we see in the movies. There is an inherent, implied mischievous nature in twins that many of us find both curious and desirable.

I have the good fortune of being friends with twins. When my family moved from New York to California, I was thrilled to find two new best friends just down the street, who just happened to be twins. I was desperate to be one of them, and our moms ended up calling us the triplets, with a new surname that combined both of our own. I was desperate to shed my boring straight brown hair, for their beautiful red ringlets. I wanted freckles in the place of my tan. To this day, I am thankful beyond measure by my friendship with Maryann and Amanda. But, being part of the inner circle of “twindom” taught me many things. While other people found my friends identical (who, by the way, are fraternal twins, despite their similar coloring) and would ask ME to tell them apart, I couldn’t believe that other people couldn’t tell which twin was which…when I saw it as plain as day. I could see the frustration my friends felt when they were referred to as a ‘matched set’, rather than as individuals, each with her own unique talents, gifts, tastes and desires. I began to see the burden that twins carry…yes, they’re adorable together, still. But, they are also two very special, very individual women. And, they were two very special, very individual girls. Yet, with all the love and care our families, and our community, showered on them, they were still ‘the twins’. Thankfully, my friends had always had a deep sense of self, and have grown into remarkable adults.

But, the magic of twins still just seems to tweak our interest, doesn’t it ? Despite my being ‘the third twin’ growing up, and seeing the day to day life of what being a twin is, I still have a yearning for that ‘other half of me’, wondering what my own life would be like if I had a sister who was just like me. I imagine that she’d be able to read my mind, know my thoughts before I said them, and understand my point, even when I’m rambling. When it comes right down to it, and when we all day dream about being a twin, isn’t what we’re looking for truly a person that understands us, down to the very cells of our being ? Isn’t it not so much a sibling to argue over chores with, but a mirror image of ourselves to bounce ideas off ? Don’t we wish, on bad days, that there would be someone, who looked and sounded just like us, but we could say “Here, you take over….I’m done !”, and that person would just step in and take the test, pay the bills, clean up after the dog or attend a boring meeting ? Don’t we wish, sometimes, that we could have an ‘evil twin’ (as Soap Operas love to create) that would just jump in and do our dirty work, giving the annoyances in our lives, the heave-ho, so we don’t have to ? Or to take the rap when we do something unkind ?

Since twins only represent a small portion of the population, and since twins, in reality, are their own people, and not mirror images of each other, I think it’s a safe to say that the romance of twins is not the reality of twins. But, since we all look for that perfect someone who will understand us, completely and unabashedly, I suggest we all learn to cultivate that sense of “twindom” within ourselves. No, I’m not suggesting you go out and develop multiple personalities…though at times, that thought does have its appeal. No, what I’m suggesting is that we become our own twins in that we are able to look at ourselves objectively, step back, be able to read our own emotions and ask ourselves the tough questions that only we can ask and answer. The reality is, even twins can’t know what’s in one another’s deepest hearts. So, try working on cultivating questions to ask yourself each night, before you go to sleep. Ask yourself what you accomplished today, who you helped, what you truly feel, and what you could have done differently. Look into your heart and ponder the answers. Think about what you can do to improve your life, and the lives of those around you. You don’t need a twin to tell you what you’re thinking. You need yourself to be honest inside, and then to move forward. All we really want is to be completely understood, and that’s what being a twin really means to many of us. As you proceed with this, your inner twin will thank you.

All this aside, I still have a matching outfit for the twin I hope to meet someday. I just hope she likes the Gap.