All too often, in our culture, we wait for situations to conform to a specific outcome before we will allow ourselves to feel happy. We believe that the stars must be aligned. We wait for Mr. (or Ms.) Right to come along. We hope that our dream job will be offered to us, that the extra 20 pounds we're carrying around our middle will vanish or that we will move into our dream house. We desperately want to be seen as more valuable, more intelligent, more attractive and more successful. We just feel, in our heart of hearts, that if we can achieve these traits that lie just outside our grasp, that then, and only then, will we be happy.
I'm just as guilty of this as the next woman. I wish I were taller and thinner. I wish my hair didn't look quite so dreadful. I wish I were a much better cook. I wish my home looked just as perfect, at every moment, as if it were about to appear in an issue of Better Homes & Gardens. I wish I had more friends. I wish my writing was more insightful. I wish I were more intelligent, articulate, attractive and successful. Most of all, I wish that I wouldn't have all of these wishes. I wish I could feel absolutely complete and content without wishing.
When I had first read the quote by Benjamin Franklin, I was both inspired and more than just a
little intimidated. I have always enjoyed Mr. Franklin's wit and humor. I enjoyed his take on the 'Pursuit of Happiness' ideal set forth in the Constitution. Yet, I was also chastened. Did one of the most powerful thinkers of our nation's history truly mean for *me* to go catch my own happiness? Herein, lies the issue I felt immediately: I did not feel qualified to go chasing down my own happiness. What a frightening thought! I was meant to go take risks, endure possible humiliation and never, for certain, attain my dreams? What if I tried, with all my might and all my power, to grasp those 'wishes' and fell short? I was terrified beyond measure.
At this moment I learned something invaluable about myself: I was so stymied by my own fear of failure that I was going to allow happiness to pass me by. I discovered, sadly, that I was far more content to hold my wishes close and secret, than I was to try to chase them down and risk
losing them forever. A large part of me has always worried that, by naming what I wish for, and working to attain it, I will lose the possibility of that wish coming true. As long as I don't try for my dreams, then I won't be disappointed. In the meantime, I'm setting myself up for a lifetime of sitting around wishing, waiting, hoping and never taking a risk. I also realized that by not even trying, I am not allowing myself the moments of happiness and contentment that are to be found in everyday life.
Therefore, I plan to do a great deal more doing, and a great deal less dreaming. I plan to become more involved in own my life, and less of an observer. I plan to count my blessings more, and my difficulties less. I plan to love more, and criticize less. Above all, I plan to catch my own happiness....and wait for it less.
I just wish thinner thighs were a part of the bargain.
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