Bridges

"He who burns his bridges better be a damn good swimmer..."

I've long had a fascination with bridges. Despite the fact that more than a third of all people are scared of them to some degree, my love for bridges is somewhat surprising. Perhaps it's because I was born in San Francisco, the city that boasts the "mother of all bridges". Maybe it's tied to my lack of a fear of heights or my passion for travel. Big or small, I just adore them. Whether it's a rustic covered bridge in Vermont, or the historical impact of Tower Bridge in London, each one delights me. My trip to Venice in the early 1990's sent me into a frenzy of joyful bliss. Wheaton College, where I was an undergraduate, had an adorable foot bridge connecting "old campus" to "new campus" as it passed over Peacock Pond, which was complete with the requisite ducks, swans and geese...as well as a fountain. The power and enchantment of bridges has been a topic that has been in my daydreams since I was very small....I have Kindergarten drawings that my mother carefully saved of a house, with a family, the pets (always two dogs) and some form of bridge to get to the house. In my current daydreams, my new house always has a bridge leading up to it.

And yet, bridges can be a powerful metaphor, as well as a beautiful architectural statement. "Burning one's bridges" is defined as "To eliminate the possibility of return or retreat. To discard a relationship without chance for reconciliation." How many times in our lives have we said, "To heck with this!" and stomped away? How often have we let bitterness, regret and anger, however justifiable, remove all possibility for forgiveness and congruence? There are instances when releasing a situation, and severing all points of communication, are justified. We cannot put ourselves, or those we love, in harm's way. We must 'burn the bridge' that lies between us and a truly adverse danger. Still, there are other instances in which we act impulsively and defiantly when thoughtful, guarded communication could be a much more useful behavior in the long run.

Once, a dear friend of my parents was invited to join a country club that had been infamous for being grossly anti-Semitic. As a Jew, this friend's proposal to join was obviously surprising to many. But, when his friends and family asked how Norman could even consider membership in such a bigoted organization, Norman answered, "I'm a bridge builder." He knew that he would not change the hearts and minds of those who were prejudiced. Norman also understood that he was being asked to join to prevent a lawsuit filed by others, claiming intolerance. Regardless of the circumstances under which his invitation was issued, Norman saw himself as an Ambassador of sorts...being able to 'build a bridge' between the insular and sectarian to the rest of the community. As young as I was when this experience happened, I remember feeling terribly proud to know such a brave humanitarian. I knew that he would not be welcomed easily. I understood his membership was made grudgingly. Yet, Norman took the opportunity to teach by example, to show tolerance in his own life and to be unfailingly patient.

Sometimes, we may find ourselves standing on the metaphorical shore of one side of a river. On our side is the known, the comfortable and the established. On the far side lies the unknown, the dubious and the ignorant. We may find ourselves called not only to cross a bridge, but also to build one. We may need to learn to forgive. We might well be asked to step onto the path of something that requires us to be vigilant. Yet, by being bridge builders, by showing kindness and courage, we may find ourselves making connections where none existed before. We may have the opportunity to create understanding, where ignorance and mistrust only existed before. We may also discover that distance between the near bank and the far one, isn't nearly as wide an expanse as we once believed.

What does the bridge look like your life? What connections can you make, uniting people and situations? Perhaps you're tempted to burn the bridge...to leave it behind and leave no trace of it. But maybe, just maybe, you're being called to create, instead of destroy, an important junction.