Testimony

Anita Shreve has long been on of my favorite authors. Her insightful, poetic style has brought tears to my eyes because her writing is extraordinarily beautiful. Yet, she doesn't shy away from controversial subjects. Ms. Shreve, if anything, gravitates towards them, and makes art out of chaos and complexity. Her latest book, "Testimony", simply blew me away. As the mother of teens in New England schools, I was slightly hestitant to read this book, about a 'crime' in a New England prep school. Still, like Jodi Picoult's "Nineteen Minutes", the writing drew me into a story that might ordinarily frighten my sensibilities as a mother. "Testimony" takes a hard look at the boarding school culture, as well as the intricately woven tapestry of stories that, when viewed together, create an entire picture of what happened in a controversial event. Each character has his, or her, own perspective, and individually, the stories vary greatly because each character is in possession of his own 'truth'. And, yet, do any of us ever truly understand any situation, when we look exclusively at our own place in the story?

Every culture believes itself to be in possession of the Truth. We each have our own beliefs in how our own civilizations came to be and we believe that we possess our own stories. Not only that, but our version of the stories, we believe are the reality of the history of who we are. In pre-Colombian Mexico, the Aztecs believed themselves to be directly related to the Sun God. This wasn't just an opinion. This was the very basis of their belief system, and so ingrained in their thought processes, that it never occurred to them that there could be another way of viewing the world. When the Spanish conquistadors arrived in the Central America, the Aztecs did not believe the Spanish could mean them any harm. In fact, they welcomed the conquering Spanish as gods and fellow descendents of the the same belief system. Because the Spanish belief system regarding themselves as the superior culture, they believed that the Aztecs were were inferior, and that their history was meaningless, compared with the expanding empire, in the name of Christianity. The Aztecs, to the Spanish, possessed nothing of value culturally, and their worth---their stories--were meaningless. Once the Aztecs realized that the Spanish were not only 'not' gods, but meant them great harm, they did everything they could to protect themselves against the 'savage' Spanish army. Both sides, the Aztecs and the Spanish, had incredible points of their cultural history. The Aztecs were master builders, astronomers, artists and created a safe roadway system that was non-existant at the time in Europe. The Spanish were great explorers, scholars and educators. And yet, each side was engaged in a bloody battle over superiorty of a land that would ulimately become a blended culture. Neither culture, initially, saw validity in the other sides' stories, traditions and ideals. Both were accused (and guilty of) terrible atrocities. And yet, both were capable of enormous beauty.

Too often, in life, we forget that there is more than one side to a story...even to the stories of our own lives. There are the impressions of our parents, our grandparents and our cousins. There are the images of our friends and our teachers. There are our own faulty memories, and even the perspectives of those with whom we don't get along. When we begin to take honest stock of our own lives, it's deeply important to remember that our own point of view is not the only one available. When we can begin to look at the way others see us, even if it's not in the most flattering light, we can also begin to form more accurate impressions of who we are. By listening, rather than speaking, and by hearing, rather than glossing over, we can allow ourselves to take a deeper glimpse into the stories of who we truly, and authentically, are. In doing so, we can help direct our lives to the course we wish to steer towards.

When you look in the mirror, ask yourself who you see. Do you see a mother, a wife, or a friend? Do you see the girl you used to be, or the woman you wish you were? We are, none of us, an island. There are many people who can give testimony to our lives. What would they say? Would you be proud of their comments? Or, would you, shrink away, thinking, "That's what people really think of me?". Ask those who know you best for their honest impressions of you. Ask what you do do very well, and what you need to work. Use other people's perceptions to help you gain a well balanced insight into where you are right now. You can't move forward, metaphorically or literally, until you know where you are right now, at this very moment. But, by being willing, and open, to constructive criticism, you can gain a much richer picture of your 'true' life story...not just the one you create for yourself in your daydreams. By having an authentic picture, you can take stock, weigh your own pro's and con's, and then progress.

Most of all, this exercise will give a truly well rounded impression of the person who is most critical to your well being: you.

We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves. But, we must learn to excavate. ~Mark Twain