Taking a break...

Because my personal disposition runs somewhere between lazy and sloth-like, the concept taking a break shouldn't be too complex for me. After all, my favorite state of being is in my pajamas, reading a book and sipping a cup of tea. Or, stretching and relaxing in a Restorative Yoga class can also be a place I'm likely to be found. Understandably, the idea of taking a break should be second nature to me. Yet, when it comes to situations that simply aren't working, problems that aren't getting solved and dynamics that are counter-productive, I tend to want to be the peacemaker. I try to be the "fixer" for my own life, and for my family. When conflicts arise, I don't shy away from them. I try to be proactive and productive. Fixing problems right now, at the very moment they're happening, seems to be so much 'easier' in the long run. I worry about letting situations fester. I also worry that I won't be able to relax in my Yoga class if I can't shut my mind off from dealing with a pressing matter.

However, there are times in which no amount of being a squeaky wheel, or a diplomat, will solve a problem. You do your best, you rally the troops, and you still are stuck in a precarious situation. One of the most challenging personality traits I have is that, after sloth, my worst habit is not being able to let things go when I wish there was more I could do. I want to fix, help, solve, mend, mediate, remedy, cooperate, comfort, push and intercede. I find unbelievably frustrating when I want to do the best I can to negotiate a situation, and I'm stymied in all possible outlets. These are the times that it's best to take a break, walk away, and save my energy. It's a concept I'm still working deeply on within myself.

One my favorite episodes of "Friends" is the one in which Ross and Rachel argue over whether or not they were "on a break". Let me be fair: their meaning of "on a break" was under contention. My own is without any resistance. Still, it's a laughable scenario, and I still have friends who quibble over who was truly in the right: Ross or Rachel. I also like the episode because it wasn't happening to me. I believe many people have felt that same sense of laughter at the farce and humor of the show, and still done a mental "Whew...glad that wasn't me". The sad part was that Ross and Rachel really did need a break from each other (two words). They needed time to think, to process and to just move away from the back and forth drama of their relationship.

How do we know when we really need a break, or whether we're procrastinating? I believe that, deep down, we really know when we need to walk away. Whether it's from a project that seems to have us bogged down or a relationship that's just not healthy, time stepped away can be used productively. When we're too close to a situation, we often get caught up in every word, every nuance and every syllable directed our way. When we can channel our energies into something completely different, we can then focus back on the issue at hand. At that point, we have gained perspective. We're not in the heat of the moment. We have been given a gift to have freedom to walk away from frustration. The real test of maturity is knowing what's worth fighting over, what's the best way to navigate through murky waters, and what matters are best when laid to rest. Hard as it may be to resist, we can't fix everything. We can't mend every broken relationship. We can't solve every problem. There are times that taking a break from stress can renew our energy and help us to think laterally of creative solutions to a problem. At other times, taking a break can help us to see the problem for what it is...and sometimes that means moving our lives in a different direction.

Even though taking a break can be seen as a cop out by many Type A personalities, I believe it's vital for those of us who feel as if we've transformed into hamsters on exercise wheels. I am not advocating leaving responsibilities, abandoning important issues or even dropping people from our lives because of a few bumps in the road. What I am suggesting, however, is that if a state of affairs seems to twisting itself up like a ball of yarn that's gone through the dryer, taking a break can mean seeing the circumstances with fresh eyes. Being able to look at any problem, without being a part of the problem ourselves, can bring us one step closer to the solution.

You got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away, know when to run. ~~ Kenny Rogers "The Gambler"