ing of age during the 1980's was an interesting period of history in which to discover who were as young adults. The classic John Hughes movie, "The Breakfast Club", gave us modern archetypal images presented in pop culture form. Portrayed brilliantly were the Prom Queen, the Jock, the Nerd, the Bad Boy and the Outsider. Each character wore his, or her, role like a costume, or even a second skin. Each actor effectively drew us into see that how each teenager viewed himself, was how he portrayed himself to others. And yet, through the process of self-discovery and the discovery of those around them, the characters were able to shed those labels and to realize that each one of them was far more than the labels they gave themselves...and enacted in daily life. As each character was able to release, layer by layer, the walls she had built up around her, protecting her image, she was able to discover far more about her own potential than she had imagined.Far too often, we're guilty of this as adults today. We label ourselves with ease: Mother, Teacher, Father, Coach, Sister, Banker, Introvert, Asthmatic, Grief stricken, Salesman. We apply labels that can refer to our station in life, our relationships, our careers, our emotional state of being and our immediate circumstances. Not all labels are negative! In order to define our place in our own world, we need to know where we are at this very moment. We find comfort in being able to describe ourselves at parties as "what we do", by "whose parent we are", "whom we love" or "what our goal is". This type of labeling of ourselves can be extremely reassuring. We are positive of who we are at this very moment, in this very circumstance. With that certainty can come a sense of belonging. Even if we describe ourselves in somewhat negative terms, we still derive comfort from being certain of our place of being.
A few years ago, I had several friends all experiencing painful, heart breaking and spirit crushing divorces at the same time. As much as I tried to assist my friends in seeing them for the beautiful, talented and extraordinary women I knew them to be, they assigned themselves the labels of angry, bitter divorcee, unloved & unlovable woman, and single mother. These labels they clung to were understandable given how much pain they were in. These women were forced to come to terms with a side of life they had never planned on seeing. As someone who loved my friends unconditionally, it broke my heart to see these women limit themselves, 
and their potential for a fuller life, held back by the labels they were living out. And, yet, those labels were a necessary part of their growth process. In order to move forward from their broken hearts and upended lives, they had to live out being the labels they chose, in order to break free from that mold. Labels do not have to stay with us forever. For most of us, they are a time of learning...a place to 'rest' and establish where are, before we can let go of them to move forward.
One of the most rewarding aspects of my friendships with these three women has been watching them shed those skins of bitter divorcee, let go of their anger, and create magical new lives for themselves. Each one, in various ways, realized the limitations of the labels they had given themselves. Each friend began to see her own life being limited by her anger, her hurt, her rage, her fear and her crushing of her own spirit. Each one came to realize that her life was worth far more than allowing her divorce to determine the course of the rest of her life. Each one began to dig deeper, excavating the journey she wished to take. Ultimately, each woman saw her label of her post-divorce image as being self-limiting, and did not attribute that limiting force to her ex-husband, but to her own beliefs about herself.
At some point in our lives, we are all going to experience a time in which our con
ceived notions of ourselves are challenged. A job will end. Children will grow up and move out of the house. We lose someone we love. We will move. Simply put, a chapter in our lives will come to an end, challenging us to take a hard look at who we are, and force us to investigate the labels by which we have defined ourselves. This is not an easy process. Even if we aren't happy with the label by which we have built our self-image, who are we, if we aren't that person? One method to help in our growth process is journaling. Keeping a simple notebook by the sides of our beds, in our desk drawer at work, in our purse or anyplace within arm's reach can help us to write down our thoughts as they come up. By writing out our thought processes, positive or negative, we can begin to review them, analyze them, learn from them, and if possible, release them. Just as we need to release anger before we can forgive, we need to release our self-prejudices before we can begin to grow. Getting our thoughts on paper, just for our own benefit and review, can teach us a tremendous amount about where we've been, and where we hope to go in our lives.
As we explore the labels we have given ourselves, we may find that there are far more layers to each one of us than we ever anticipated. We may discover that, lying within each of us is the beauty of the Prom Queen, the confidence of the Jock, the acknowledgement of intelligence of the Nerd, the free spirit of the Bad Boy and fears of the Outsider. By acknowledging each part of our very being, we can move onto something far grander and far more meaningful than any one label.
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