"What we have here is a failure to communicate..."

"What we've got here is a failure to communicate" is one of the most famous lines uttered in any movie, in any decade. It happens to come from "Cool Hand Luke", starring a young Paul Newman, in one of my favorite films. It's said, dripping with malice, by a vicious police officer to Paul Newman's character of Luke, a man determined not to be beaten down by anyone...not the prison staff, not the fellow inmates, and certainly not the local police, who overreact in sending him to prison in the first place. While this blog piece is actually not a review of the review and insight into the movie, I do suggest that readers rent this Academy Award winning film. My intent is to focus on the ideas, thoughts and semantics regarding communication.

Communication, more specifically, the art of conversation, has changed radically since the advent of the Internet and mobile phones. One of the positive side, we are able to connect with friends all over the world with ease. I have friends in Australia and Europe with whom I converse regularly, thanks to the Internet. When one of my friends lived in Japan, we were able to be a support network for her, while she was abroad. Through mediums like Facebook, I've been able to reconnect with friends from high school, college, and our own days abroad, right from home. I've had an easier time maintaining friendships with friends who once lived close by, and have moved away. I am able to talk to my mother and daughter every day, both of whom live far from me. And, yet, these useful, and helpful tools can, too often, fill the void we inherently need in our quest to 'be heard' and to 'hear others'.

I recently read that 78% of Americans use the Internet as their primary tool for conversations. I found this statistic very sad and unsettling. I certainly use and appreciate the internet's many gifts, but isn't there something truly wonderful about sitting down with a friend, in person, and enjoying a cup of coffee, a glass of wine or a mug of tea? Isn't there something missing when we can't look at that friend's expressions, hear her laugh or see his smile? When we email, AIM chat or post on Facebook, we can't see that friend's twinkle, and really know her meaning. We can't place a hand on her shoulder, give her a real hug and say "I'm here for you. I understand.". We're unable to truly sense his meaning and intent. So much of our communication, as human beings, is non-verbal. Our body language is unreadable over the Internet. We can't see someone who is clearly hiding a heartbreak, or bursting with joy. We can only attempt to extrapolate meanings from their written words.

Recently, I met my friend, Molly, for coffee. Despite the fact that Molly and I live 5 minutes apart, we both seem to run the same ragged hockey mother lifestyle. For us, the Internet has been our way of still touching base and cheering each other on, whether from home, or various hotel rooms at hockey venues. However, meeting Molly for coffee made me realize how much I miss having face to face communication more often. Online, our conversations are to the point, even if we do get a little silly. However, sitting at the coffee house, we talked in a circular fashion, with multiple strands of thought weaving around us to create a spiderweb of thoughts and ideas and sharings. I realized how utterly human it is for our most meaningful conversations not to progress from Point A to Point Z. But, rather, to meander and redirect and to walk down both the path of seriousness and joviality at the same moment. It's healthy, and it's completely necessary, to allow our conversations to drift at times...to take on lives of their own and to create new trains of thought based on these offshoots.

While I am not advocating the end of the Internet by any means, and while I don't wish to limit any one's thoughts on using this valuable resource to stay in touch, I do want to raise awareness about the need for 'real' conversation. Making eye contact, giving a warm hug and just seeing your friends face to face can truly give a lift, when you need one, and can make a difference to that friend, if she's hurting. My advice is not to allow the human element of our communications to be removed, simply because of the ease of the internet's communication tools.

Plus, it's just plain fun to laugh so loudly that people stare. Try it. It's good for the soul.

The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. ~ Anthony Robbins