Awake

A brahmin once asked The Blessed One:
"Are you a God?"
"No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
"Are you a saint?"
"No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
"Are you a magician?"
"No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
"What are you then?"
"I am awake."
~ Zen Lesson


While I was lying prone in bed last week, I came upon this lesson former yoga teacher training books. I'd first read the quote about 8 years ago, just as I was beginning my R.Y.T. program. I found it to be enlightening, encouraging, helpful and compelling. I was excited to become a yoga teacher! I knew that I'd be "living what I love" in my new career. The extraordinary concept that I could actually get paid to practice yoga, and to share it with others, was still a novel concept to me at that time. I studied the wisdom words by everyone from Moses to the Buddha to Thomas Merton. My program of study was especially wide ranging. Not only did I learn an incredible amount about anatomy, but I also apprenticed in the 15 most common forms of yoga practice. It was both overwhelming and edifying, and unnerving and revitalizing. I had phenomenal teachers and surprisingly nasty ones. I met lifelong friends in my classes, as well those who took competition (in a 'supposed to be non-competitive' atmosphere) far too seriously. Through all of these lessons, over my 8 months of study and practice, I kept coming back to this first lesson: I asked myself if I was "awake". I felt, at that time, that I was. Every cell in my body told me that I was finally waking up from my lifelong trance-like slumber.


Now that I'm older, more jaded and, hopefully, a bit wiser, I've learned how unconscious I am most of the time. My thoughts of being awake, 8 years ago, are laughable in their innocence. What I had envisioned to be a "one time alarm clock moment", even a 'born again' experience, was simply not the case. I think that, regardless of one's religious beliefs or personal practices, the art of being awake isn't a singular event: it's a lifelong goal for which to strive. I can't possible undo decades of absent minded and heedless practice overnight. In our culture of repetition and unconscious habit, it's tough to remain mindful in everyday life. I seem to operate on auto-pilot through much of my day. Before I'm even aware of it, I'd gotten up, made breakfast, gotten the kids to school, taken the dogs for walks, done the errands, paid the bills and even taught a yoga class, all without consciously being aware of these actions. Living mindfully aware, in the present moment, requires a great deal of practice, I've discovered. I tend to get so caught up in daily routine that my sense of being 'awake' slinks into the background.


I'm no longer a yoga instructor. Unfortunately, my surgery last December made that career impossible to continue. However, I have discovered a bit of a tough lesson: even being a yoga teacher did not make me immune to falling into daily amnesia. I often taught six classes per week, in addition to my other 'jobs' as mother and wife and committee member and volunteer. My daily practice and classes simply were added to my 'to do' list. 


It's my hope to find a bit of time each day to "wake up". I'd like to have my reflections and prayers become more than my 'wish list' of 'wants'. I would to get out of bed each morning not just stumbling towards coffee, but as a conscious experience of the new day being the precious gift it is. I truly understand my ignorance of 8 years ago as a wistful enthusiasm. I just hope I can poke that same hopeful, eager, but exhausted woman I was back then. Perhaps in my gentle (or even forceful) nudges to my psyche, I can revivify that former earnestness, but temper it with cautious awareness.


The alarm clock has gone off! I'm awake!  But I'm learning that waking up is easy. It's staying awake that's much more challenging.

Prayer

“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.” ~ Mahatma Ghandi

Today, May 6th, 2010, is this year's National Day of Prayer. This beautiful idea of collective harmony, thoughtful introspection and united intent has become a hot button political issue. The current administration feels strongly in the separation of Church and State and will not condone public prayer at the White House. The far right Evangelic movement believes this separation is detrimental to our very salvation. But for the multitudes of us whose beliefs lie in the middle area, it's a day of confusion. If we're not practicing this on a national level, does it still 'count'? If we're not praying within a the confines of a mega-church, or by the rule book of one particular brand of faith, are we not 'invited' to pray also? If I take part in the National Day of Prayer (or choose not to participate), am I buying into one particular political belief system?

Webster's Dictionary defines prayer as: "An address to the Divine in word or thought". An alternate definition is given as "an earnest wish or request." Personally, I'm completely in agreement with the first definition. Regardless of one's religious leanings, time spent quietly in contemplation and conversation with God is a form of prayer. We do not need to speak. We do not need to recite formulaic systems to 'get prayer done right', although those very same formulas may be exceedingly helpful in bringing our hearts and minds to the "right place"...as a jumping off point for personal prayer to commence. As an Episcopalian, I find enormous comfort in the Book of Common Prayer. I find the Daily Office to be helpful, restorative and calming of my emotions. It's a powerful feeling to know that I can walk into any Anglican church, anywhere in the world, and find the service to be the same...with the same litany, the same ideas and the same cadence. Yet, I've found prayers that speak to my heart from a variety of traditions; Buddhist, Native American, Jewish and those of some Catholic saints. Are these prayers, written in a tradition different than my own but still magnificent, less efficacious?

My enormous discomfort comes when people try to push their prayer beliefs onto my own personal faith. On one hand, there are those who think I'm a fool for wasting my time and energy in prayer. They believe I can better use my talents and gifts to better the world around me using my own sense of empowerment. These people feel that prayer is, at best, a red herring and, at worst, sheer stupidity and counter to intellectual prowess. On the other hand, there are people who believe that my teaching Yoga means I am not 'really' a Christian. Additionally, these folks believe that even the hint of another tradition, no matter how exquisitely written or composed, is inherently evil...that no beauty can come from a wisdom that is not their own. The concept of personal prayer is so frayed at both edges that the entire concept unravels in an ugly, discordant manner.

As easy as it would be simply give up on prayer, acknowledging that no matter what I do, I'll be wrong, I find myself drawn even more to having a heart for a strong prayer life. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what the news programs have to say about both extremes. It is not important who tells me I'm absolutely wrong. Being affirmed as being 'in the right' is just as meaningless. The fact is, no amount of corporate opinion carries weight. Prayer is personal. It is, as Webster's defines, "An address to the Divine in word or thought". Prayer is my own quiet connection to God. It's not a marketing list or a wish list for Santa Claus. It's not a time to make deals (as in "God, if you let me pass this test, I will always be a good person..."). It's not a catalogue of set words that must be said in a specific order, or it's "wrong". Prayer is really nobody's business but your own. It's a time of solemnity, entreaty, supplication, gratitude, compassion, kindness and communion. It's a connection between our own meager, fallible selves and an infinitely loving and patient God. Prayer can give us strength, temper our misunderstandings, fill us with renewed energy for our tasks and remind us to be humble when we fill with pride. Prayer is distinctive and direct for each person. Prayer is what the individual believes she needs most...and what she needs most to give.

So, if prayer is so private, why a National Day of Prayer? What's so important about it? In my own heart, this holiday shouldn't be about political agendas, but a simple reminder that we share a planet, that we want, as a group, what's best for everyone and that we hope for the unparalleled point of unity to come into each of our lives. It's a chance to have a moment to trust in a unified consciousness that's greater than each of us individually. It's a moment to join together in thankfulness, respect and hope.

What is my own prayer for today? That I will be a better listener...that my own prayers will not include a list of grievances, wrongs, wish list items or rambling diatribes about myself. Rather, I hope to find that small, quiet place in my heart and mind not to speak but to hear and pay attention more closely.

Walking Meditations

One of the aspects I enjoy most about my work as a Yoga Instructor is the bringing together of Body, Mind and Spirit. I enjoy working with my students to help them in their own journeys of physical fitness and mindful inner growth. Yoga has been an incredible tool for my own life in helping to weave together these three threads of my own being. Therefore, the most wonderful part of my work is faciliating others in braiding together these three human components in their own lives. One method, in addition to Yoga practice, that has cropped up again and again in my life has been the method of "Walking Meditation" or "Prayer Walking". I have a dear friend who, as a outreach seeking Christian, attends Christian prayer walks frequently in her mission for Asia. I have another Yoga instructor friend, who has detailed her own prayer walks through the mountains. Walking meditations, I have discovered, are far more than one religious traditions method of praying or exercising. This dynamic, movement based spiritual growth technique cuts across religious beliefs, sacred traditions and personal comfort zones. There is not a right way, or a wrong way, to practice Prayer Walking. It is simply an avenue to bring together body and spirit in unity.

Carol Krucoff, in her article "A Spiritual Walk towards Fitness", writes, "Mother Theresa did it. Mahatma Ghandi did it. Spiritual teachers from John the Baptist to Martin Luther King did it. Prayer-walking, also known as "walking meditation," has been practiced by poets, philosophers and holy people from many religious traditions for centuries. Now this age-old discipline is experiencing a modern revival as stressed-out, harried Americans seek to commune with the divine while they shape up, enhancing fitness of body and soul." I love Ms. Krucoff's bringing together, so many of the great spiritual leaders of the past, and creating a relevant frame work in her review of a powerfully important book, "The Complete Guide to Prayer Walking" by Linus Mundy.

So, what exactly is prayer walking? Prayer walking can mean different things to different people. A prayer walk for some might simple be a stroll, either around one's neighborhood or on rural trails, in which we allow our minds to be open to the possibility of hearing the whispers of the Divine. It might be a time of active prayer, in which, as we walk, we pray for those in homes we pass or even for specific requests that are weighing heavy on our hearts. Praying walking can be done with a prayer 'agenda'...items in mind we'd like to pray for. Prayer walking can also be done as a way of releasing our stress, our nervous energy and our own sense of drama; by letting go of the things that are keeping us from feeling at peace, we can encounter a renewed sense of order in our lives. Prayer walking can be done alone, with a friend, or in a large group.

Sherri Ingram writes, "If you can walk and chew gum, you can walk and pray". The only things you need to bring with you on your prayer walk are a comfortable pair of walking shoes, and an open heart and mind. There are as many styles and ideas about prayer walking as there are walkers. I believe the best way to get started is to simple walk, breathing meditatively and purosely, relaxing body and mind. Intuitively, our minds will drift towards a subject, whether it's something in our own lives, or in the world, that needs our attention. I believe that, as we continue to walk and focus in on what our hearts have been drawn to, is what we need to pray about, to meditate upon or simply to release.

Since Americans spend more than 9 hours per day, on average, sitting down, and accomplishing tasks that take us outside of ourselves, prayer walking has the potential for being a simple method to combat "work related fatigue". Our bodies get tired, pudgy and achy from so much time spent seated, much of it hunched over a desk and gazing at a computer screen. Our minds get numbed to the barage of violent, sorrowful and tragic images we see on the news and by the monotony of routine. Our hearts become overwhelmed with problems we feel powerless to solve. It isn't any wonder that our bodies, minds and spirits become disconnected from one another. The Celts, the earliest Asian cultures, Native Americans and many other Ancient peoples, established prayer walks by following winding paths in a garden or through a forest...bringing the walker ever close to mindfulness. We can see find these in many parks.

But, one doesn't need a specific place to walk to reconnect. Simply by setting one's intention towards your meditative walk, by blocking out distractions (from without and from within), we can put ourselves on the path to good health once again: in body, mind and spirit.

"The best place to begin is at the beginning" ~ Scottish Proverb