Living life to the fullest...without the hoopla.

Whatever you are, be a good one. ~Abraham Lincoln


There has been a great deal of media attention, in recent years, about "living up to one's potential". Self-help books abound that explore the practical side of personal development, by investigating topics such as time management, home organization and home decorating to 'inspire' you through Feng Shui. Other books and movies, such as "What the Bleep?" and "The Secret", explore the spiritual, esoteric side of maximizing your life's possibilities through prayer, requesting from the universe and meditation. Women's magazines encourage us to unlock our 'inner power'. People are attending motivational speaker conferences in record numbers. They are meeting with Life Coaches and counselors to help better themselves. Western culture, in particular, has a passion for wanting its citizens to *be* passionate. Goal oriented means goal oriented at all costs to many. And yet, are we better directed, and more evolved, than we were twenty, fifty or even one hundred years ago?


While I believe that there are some incredible tools to help us improve our outlook, our skill set and our ease of life, I am afraid that just as many tools exist that make us feel worse about ourselves. I am often in the camp that finds far too many of these programs to be overwhelming. As I listen to the many ways in which my life could be vastly more meaningful, I am left with a feeling of dissatisfaction with the way my life is at this very moment. I am left wondering if I'm missing a critically urgent element in my development. Because I haven't joined a pyramid plan to create my own wealth, invested in international corporations, left my family to go on a pilgrimage to Israel or India or gone to France to study cooking, I feel as if I've missed the boat to emotional, spiritual and financial success. As much as I did enjoy reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love", I kept comparing myself to the author, and for lack of a better term, found myself sorely 'wanting'. Elizabeth Gilbert accomplished her own 'bucket list'. The author left her home for a year, and divided her time between Italy (learning Italian), India (immersing herself in yoga) and Indonesia (to find inner peace). I was enriched by this thoroughly entertaining read, but ending up feeling quite depressed by the end. I realized that I divide my own time between the supermarket (to shop for fast and easy meals), the studio (to work) and the house (to clean and supervise the mayhem). Was I leading a life of meaningless busywork, and therefore, wasting my time on Earth?


I realize that I'm not alone in these feelings. Most of us have them from time to time. Many of us, in fact, still have no idea what we want to "be when we grow up", even if we're actively working and raising families. In our 6th grade essays we wrote that we'd like to cure cancer, become an astronaut or be President of the United States. Yet, those are not attainable goals for the vast majority of the population. While books, coaches and motivational speakers can open our eyes to the potential that lays within us, I believe with all my heart, that it's okay to just be yourself. We all have positive traits and negative ones. We all have skills that come easier to us than others. For example, my cousin, Lori, is extraordinary with numbers. She can see them and feel them as a part of her being. I, on the other hand, am hopeless. Should I try to become a financial officer, as she is? Absolutely not. It goes against my nature and my innate abilities. Some self-improvement philosophies would tell me that I'm poorly equipped to handle finances because I don't "really believe" I can; that if I just 'sent it out to the universe' that I would like to become a mathematician, I will be one. Frankly, I believe that it's okay for me to let that one slide. Why? Because I've been blessed in other areas. If we can look inside and honestly assess ourselves, our strengths (no matter how subtle) and our weaknesses (no matter how enormous), we can begin on our own journey of self-improvement.


Our personal journey doesn't have to come from "A Program". It doesn't need to cost thousands of dollars and a course guide to follow. It doesn't require anything from you but some time and space in which to be quiet and thoughtful. Turning off the television, putting aside your 'have to' lists and simply taking a few moments just to ask yourself "Am I happy?", "What can I do to become happy?", "What can I do to enjoy life more?". For some of us, the break from a busy routine, in and of itself, is enough. For others, we may be inspired to make a career change. Even more us may realize that our work doesn't define who we are; that we can explore our own sense of happiness outside of work. In my own case, this means volunteering at the local library. Although I'm not a librarian by career, I am passionate about books. I have learned valuable skills from helping the librarians in all areas of the facility. I enjoy sharing my love of reading with library patrons. I have found something to help boost my self-esteem, as well as my sense of community, by exploring this area of my life.


Not long ago, I was reading a biography of Abraham Lincoln, one of my personal heroes. Obviously, he was an exceptional man and one of our most dedicated presidents during an unthinkable time in history. But, one area I admired most about Mr. Lincoln was his ability to see himself for what he was...to know his gifts, and to know his shortcomings, but not to allow either of these to keep him from fulfilling his destiny. The fact is, the man lived a tough life. He was looked down upon, when first elected to Congress, for being too "country" and for his lack of refined ways. He was married to a highly dysfunctional woman. He lost his beloved son. He was President during the worst war in our nation's history. He was attacked by critics from all sides. And yet, he called himself "content" most of the time because he knew who he was. He lived an authentic life.

As you go on your own journey of self-discovery, be kind to yourself. "Don't judge yourself by other people's yardsticks" (A. Lincoln) and remember that just being you is the greatest gift possible.

Volunteerism....

There are a lot of buzz words around these days, containing the ending of "ism". Some are complimentary, such as altruism, many are derogatory. Some are said with a sense of humor, while others are just mean spirited. Globalism can be positive, or negative, based on one's perspective. There are political 'isms'; from the "Bushisms" to the "Obamisms", trying to push the reader into into cynicism or optimism, based on the writer's preference. As with any part of speech that's overused, "ism" is, sadly, one of the victims of ism-ization.

This is truly a shame, because one word that means a great deal to me is Volunteerism. The definition for volunteerism is "the willingness of people to work on behalf of others without being motivated by financial gain." In our current economy, many organizations that do great works in our communities, in our nation, and around the world, are feeling the financial pinch, even more than the average citizen. Why? Because people, even those who haven't lost their work, are not giving financially as they once did. People are saving for a rainy day, since this does appear to be just such a time. While many of us would love to be able to give as we once did, financially, it's simply not a possibility. And, yet, there are great works to be accomplished to benefit others. So, how can we feel we're still engaged members of society when we have so little to give, personally?

The answer is that we can give of our time, our gifts, our skills, our listening ears, our open hearts and our talents. We can roll up our sleeves and get to work, not worrying about the financial end. Writing a check can be far easier than working on a home for Habitat for Humanity, or walking a dog at the local animal shelter, or helping someone learn to read at a literacy program at your local library. Making a donation is a wonderful gift, but what about taking just an hour to read to someone whose sight has left them or volunteering at food pantry? What about just asking an elderly friend if you can pick up her groceries for her? What about mentoring a teenager who doesn't have the family support she should? Even if we can't write checks to fund organizations, we can quietly, humbly, and peacefully make a difference in our very own communities.

Volunteering can make some people uncomfortable. We can see volunteering as a way of saying "I'm better than you. I can do this and then go home." We feel guilty by what 'what we have done, and what we have left undone'. The reality couldn't be more different. By sharing your time, in whatever way you feel led to, you are sharing a piece of yourself with another human being..or even an animal in need. This is far from superiority; it's a great equalizer. Some people are made uncomfortable by need, and I completely understand this feeling. There are dozens, possibly hundreds, of areas of need. There is, quite honestly, something for everyone.

When I helped out at the animal shelter, I had an impossible time. I was unable to play with the pets, and not bring them home. I learned that this was not my gift...I couldn't bring myself to walk with, play with and feed these animals and not make them my own. It broke my heart. I was unable to continue volunteering there. And yet, when I mentioned my plight to a friend of my daughter's, a lovely girl who wasn't allowed to have a pet of her own, she was sold on taking over my position. It was not a good fit for me, but it was a perfect fit for this teenager. She was able to fill up her love for animals, for as many hours as she was able to donate, and she understood the path to the door. Even our own shortcomings may lead to conversations that may lead to another's perfect volunteer fit.

Thankfully, my family has long been involved with volunteering in many forums. We've felt as blessed by our contributions of time as we have in our donations to organizations we support. In many ways, my husband's pounding nails at Habitat homes have given him a far greater sense of helpfulness and connectedness to the direct impact for one family, than just signing a check ever could. My son's volunteering to teach younger children to skate at the community's "Learn to Skate" program have afforded him the opportunity to give back the guidance and mentoring he himself was given by older boys. My own efforts have left me immeasurably humbled and honored. Our family has learned the lesson that sounds trite but is true: you receive back a thousand times what you give.

There are far too many worthy organizations to name, and I would be remiss to mention some, but not others. It's my hope that, even in our current economic climate, you can reach out in ways you never imagined. Even one hour per week, in an area in which you believe, can change your life. You can help someone else, make new friends, and honestly, take your mind out of your own worries. Volunteerism is one of the ways in which, I believe with all my heart, our country will return to a great path. When we do any action, that's not for our own gain, we benefit all.

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. ~ Booker T. Washington