Living life to the fullest...without the hoopla.

Whatever you are, be a good one. ~Abraham Lincoln


There has been a great deal of media attention, in recent years, about "living up to one's potential". Self-help books abound that explore the practical side of personal development, by investigating topics such as time management, home organization and home decorating to 'inspire' you through Feng Shui. Other books and movies, such as "What the Bleep?" and "The Secret", explore the spiritual, esoteric side of maximizing your life's possibilities through prayer, requesting from the universe and meditation. Women's magazines encourage us to unlock our 'inner power'. People are attending motivational speaker conferences in record numbers. They are meeting with Life Coaches and counselors to help better themselves. Western culture, in particular, has a passion for wanting its citizens to *be* passionate. Goal oriented means goal oriented at all costs to many. And yet, are we better directed, and more evolved, than we were twenty, fifty or even one hundred years ago?


While I believe that there are some incredible tools to help us improve our outlook, our skill set and our ease of life, I am afraid that just as many tools exist that make us feel worse about ourselves. I am often in the camp that finds far too many of these programs to be overwhelming. As I listen to the many ways in which my life could be vastly more meaningful, I am left with a feeling of dissatisfaction with the way my life is at this very moment. I am left wondering if I'm missing a critically urgent element in my development. Because I haven't joined a pyramid plan to create my own wealth, invested in international corporations, left my family to go on a pilgrimage to Israel or India or gone to France to study cooking, I feel as if I've missed the boat to emotional, spiritual and financial success. As much as I did enjoy reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love", I kept comparing myself to the author, and for lack of a better term, found myself sorely 'wanting'. Elizabeth Gilbert accomplished her own 'bucket list'. The author left her home for a year, and divided her time between Italy (learning Italian), India (immersing herself in yoga) and Indonesia (to find inner peace). I was enriched by this thoroughly entertaining read, but ending up feeling quite depressed by the end. I realized that I divide my own time between the supermarket (to shop for fast and easy meals), the studio (to work) and the house (to clean and supervise the mayhem). Was I leading a life of meaningless busywork, and therefore, wasting my time on Earth?


I realize that I'm not alone in these feelings. Most of us have them from time to time. Many of us, in fact, still have no idea what we want to "be when we grow up", even if we're actively working and raising families. In our 6th grade essays we wrote that we'd like to cure cancer, become an astronaut or be President of the United States. Yet, those are not attainable goals for the vast majority of the population. While books, coaches and motivational speakers can open our eyes to the potential that lays within us, I believe with all my heart, that it's okay to just be yourself. We all have positive traits and negative ones. We all have skills that come easier to us than others. For example, my cousin, Lori, is extraordinary with numbers. She can see them and feel them as a part of her being. I, on the other hand, am hopeless. Should I try to become a financial officer, as she is? Absolutely not. It goes against my nature and my innate abilities. Some self-improvement philosophies would tell me that I'm poorly equipped to handle finances because I don't "really believe" I can; that if I just 'sent it out to the universe' that I would like to become a mathematician, I will be one. Frankly, I believe that it's okay for me to let that one slide. Why? Because I've been blessed in other areas. If we can look inside and honestly assess ourselves, our strengths (no matter how subtle) and our weaknesses (no matter how enormous), we can begin on our own journey of self-improvement.


Our personal journey doesn't have to come from "A Program". It doesn't need to cost thousands of dollars and a course guide to follow. It doesn't require anything from you but some time and space in which to be quiet and thoughtful. Turning off the television, putting aside your 'have to' lists and simply taking a few moments just to ask yourself "Am I happy?", "What can I do to become happy?", "What can I do to enjoy life more?". For some of us, the break from a busy routine, in and of itself, is enough. For others, we may be inspired to make a career change. Even more us may realize that our work doesn't define who we are; that we can explore our own sense of happiness outside of work. In my own case, this means volunteering at the local library. Although I'm not a librarian by career, I am passionate about books. I have learned valuable skills from helping the librarians in all areas of the facility. I enjoy sharing my love of reading with library patrons. I have found something to help boost my self-esteem, as well as my sense of community, by exploring this area of my life.


Not long ago, I was reading a biography of Abraham Lincoln, one of my personal heroes. Obviously, he was an exceptional man and one of our most dedicated presidents during an unthinkable time in history. But, one area I admired most about Mr. Lincoln was his ability to see himself for what he was...to know his gifts, and to know his shortcomings, but not to allow either of these to keep him from fulfilling his destiny. The fact is, the man lived a tough life. He was looked down upon, when first elected to Congress, for being too "country" and for his lack of refined ways. He was married to a highly dysfunctional woman. He lost his beloved son. He was President during the worst war in our nation's history. He was attacked by critics from all sides. And yet, he called himself "content" most of the time because he knew who he was. He lived an authentic life.

As you go on your own journey of self-discovery, be kind to yourself. "Don't judge yourself by other people's yardsticks" (A. Lincoln) and remember that just being you is the greatest gift possible.

Alter Egos

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. ~ William James

The use of an alter-ego has long been fuel for fiction, both literary and on film. Where would Batman be without Bruce Wayne? Where would Spiderman be without Peter Parker? Or, even Superman as Clark Kent? These superheroes would be mobbed, swarmed and be unable to function in society without their 'mild mannered' counterparts, masquerading as simple citizens. By having an alter-ego, living the 'normal' life, these superheroes are able to exist undetected by both friend and foe. They're able to listen to others, in the average world around them, and glean information that could prove incredibly helpful in their crime fighting efforts. They might have extraordinary powers, amazing gadgets and unique skill sets, but when it comes right down to the hard facts, being tapped into a social network has its benefits to their superhero lives.

One question has always haunted me, however: is it Superman who needs Clark Kent, or is it the other way around? When I honestly think about the fact of Superman just wanting to be a 'normal newspaper reporter', I have to smile. I imagine that Clark Kent would get awfully bored not being able to fly, not allowing himself to soar high above ground. I would be so bold as to allow myself to think that Clark Kent would not make it without Superman....and that he needs his superhero side to shine. After all...how many people really like Clark Kent just for being the 'nice guy'? Not many. I would imagine that, whatever his protests to the contrary, Clark Kent likes being Superman. He needs to be Superman. It fulfills the essential part of who he's missing. The heroic, well loved, popular, successful part of the man he wants to be *is* Superman.

A film I would have missed entirely, had I not been the mother of a 17 year old son, is "Fight Club", starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton. This movie is an amazingly complex story, containing twists and turns I never could have predicted. Edward Norton's character is much like the stereotypical "Clark Kent". He's nobody memorable. He lives a dull, meaningless life and has trouble making connections with people. And yet, he meets (or rather, creates) his alter ego, played by Brad Pitt, and he befriends his other self. Where Edward Norton is soft spoken, predictable, conformist and yuppie, Brad Pitt's side of him is brash, bohemian, dangerous and free thinking. The essential aspect of this movie, the piece I found so compelling, was that the alter ego is viewed as a clearly different personification. In a brilliant bit of storytelling writer Chuck Palahniuk creates two distinct lives; both belonging to the same person. This defining difference is clearly what delineates the character of "Tyler Durden" from his fellow alter ego literary figures: Tyler Durden does not realize he is, or has, an alter ego. As Tyler Durden comes to the realization that he is living the lives of two exceptionally different men, he says, in one of my favorite quotes from the film, "People do it everyday, they talk to themselves... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."

The idea of having an alter ego is one that many of us have had from time to time. When I was growing up, I wanted to be Samantha from "Bewitched". I wanted to be able to twitch my nose to cast a spell to solve problems, just as she did. I imagined myself living in a beautiful home, having adorable children, but knowing that, at any moment, I could give my nose a twitch, and have an elegant meal prepared. (I never understood Darren's hatred of Samantha's magic, but that's fuel for another post). Although I can't live as a suburban mother, with a hidden talent, as Samantha did, I do find that being able to write as the Preppy Yogini does give me a hint of what that feeling must be like...to a very small extent. Writing has been my creative outlet, my homage to the people who are far more intelligent and inventive than I am. It has given me my other world to explore....that can grow above my mundane life as a mom and a yoga teacher. I will never be Superman. I will never be Tyler Durden, with an entire separate being living a fantasy life of which I could only imagine. But, I can write hoping to become the embodiment of the traits I most admire.

I understand I will never fly like Superman, twitch my nose like Samantha, or create an entirely separate existence for myself, but I can attempt to be more creative, more inspiring and more thoughtful. I can hope to be kinder, gentler and more patient. By writing, both my blogs and in my fiction work, I'm able to work through all my own short comings, and hopefully, succeed more fully as a human being. If I can write it, I can attempt to be it.

Beauty and the Beast

People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But, I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you *are* the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have dared not to look, including inside ourselves. ~ Salma Hayek

In college, I was assigned an essay to write, expounding upon the dangers that fairy tales play to young girls, and the development of their self-esteem. I began this paper with trepidation. The fact was, and is, that I truly enjoyed fairy tales growing up. When I daydreamed about having children of my own someday, I looked forward to sharing fairy tales with them, reading aloud in a cozy chair in front of a roaring fire. I stared at my typewriter (as these were the days before computers) and the words simply didn't come to me, as they had so effortlessly in every previous assignment. I reread the tale of Grimm's Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Rapunzel. I picked up Hans Christian Anderssen's The Little Mermaid, The Princess & the Pea, The Ugly Duckling and the Little Match Girl for another reading. I translated "La Belle et la Bête" by Mme. Gabrielle-Suzanee Barbot de Villeneuve, the original French tale of Beauty and the Beast. In the end, I learned several important points, despite my inherent love for fairy tales:

1. Youth is considered the only beauty, and older willing are willing to kill for it.
2. Women should be willing to trade everything they possess for a man to solve their problems.
3. Youthful beauty is the only tool in which to ensnare these men.

Thankfully, my professor was incredibly creative, and she allowed me to rewrite several famous fairy tales, bringing about a more realistic and empowering story to young girls, rather than simply drafting yet another 'rage against the machine'. In her own way, my professor was able to empower me to do just what she had hoped the heroines in the stories would do: find their own solutions to the problems facing them, in a creative and alternative manner.

Needless to say, I did not ban fairy tales from my home, when I became a mother. But, this course, taken years earlier, did teach me the inherent dangers that do lie in exposing our daughters to too much of an onslaught to their self-esteem. As I began to grow older myself, I began to wonder "Am I still attractive?", "Do I still feel beautiful? and "What does beauty really mean?". Feeling lovely, inside and out, is very important to most women. A healthy dose of self-esteem in one's appearance can boost morale, which can boost confidence in work and in life. A women who feels beautiful can also feel that she has the chutzpah to ask her boss for a raise, to feel confident in taking that vacation she's always dreamed of, or even to start her own business. Feeling beautiful doesn't mean looking like a Super model. How many of us are 6' tall and weigh 115 pounds? Not many. And, yet, feeling beautiful in how you appear to others, and most important, what you see when you look in the mirror, can be extremely important. How we feel on the outside can reflect how we feel on the inside....and the converse is also true. How many times have you met a woman, who may not look like Christie Brinkley, but who exudes such loveliness, she radiates?

Two of the women who, I believe, most exemplify this idea are Dame Judi Dench and Queen Latifah. It is my humble opinion that they are two of the most beautiful women I can imagine. Dame Judi Dench has the most wonderful style. She is not afraid of her age. She embraces it and uses her wisdom, her wit, her courage and her vast intelligence to her advantage. No "Wicked Aging Queen" for her! She is the epitome of a stylish, savvy and exceptional one. And, a very beautiful one at that. Dame Judi Dench has made over 40 extremely chic. She has helped to redefine youth not being the measuring stick of beauty.

Additionally, Queen Latifah has broken down so many barriers. She is not the first African American Cover Girl, but she certainly is the first plus size one. Do her curves detract from her undeniable allure? Absolutely not! They enhance her aura of glamour. Queen Latifah's talent is evident in every syllable she utters, on every red carpet she walks, and in her beautiful laugh. In her performance in "Chicago', she was appearing with two stunning female co-stars, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Renee Zellwegger. All three women had very different styles and all three gave amazing performances. Yet, Queen Latifah's curves, and comfort within those curves, gave me a sense of such dynamic beauty that defied the conventional definition.

As I've grown older and wiser, the story of "Beauty and the Beast" has become clearer to me, in my own understanding. I can take the fairy tale at face value. Or, I can dig deeper to see that, for many of us, the Beast is not a monster that will turn into a Handsome Prince, if we only kiss him. The Beast can also be what lies within us....our own foibles, our own fears, the blockages we put in to sabotage our own self-esteem. The Beast, in my case, can be looking in the mirror and only seeing my thighs. The Beast, for others, could be seeing a different face than the one we viewed twenty years ago. The Beast can be everything we don't like about ourselves, inside and out.

And, yet, we can tame the Beast that lies within. We can find the beauty that only comes from experience, from the giving of ourselves to others and to finding the wisdom that lies within us. We can exercise, eat healthfully, and dress our bodies in ways that best suit our lifestyle. We can smile more, and frown less. We look for the beauty in the world around us, in our families and friends, in inspiring books and organizations and in nature and art. As we look for beauty, we can find that we reflect it, as we are at this very moment, no matter what our age, color, size, shape or physical attributes.

Beauty is, as beauty does. Don't allow 17 year old runway models to define your definition of beauty. Create your own definition and run with it.