Cain and Abel...what's a mother to do?

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

In my theology course, we're slowly making our way through the Old Testament this term. Although many of the Biblical stories are familiar to me, I find that I'm reading these words with a new awareness. So much of the mythic qualities of the Bible tend to become "Jungized" in our minds; we lose track of the specifics of the tales and remember the archetypal symbols. As I read through the 4th chapter of Genesis, in preparation for my weekly presentation, I read Cain and Abel's story in a completely different way than I had as a child. I read the story with a mother's heart. That one brother would 'rise up and kill' another over petty jealousy is among a mother's worst nightmare.

At no point in the Genesis account of God's dealing with the first case of sibling rivalry is Eve mentioned. Eve, mother of both Cain and Abel, must have been heartbroken. One son lies dead, murdered by his own brother. The other brother is exiled from his home to go to "the Land of Nod" with only an ambiguous reference to a "mark" as protection. How did Eve handle this dramatic and devastating turn of events? What did Adam do? How do parents get over the loss of both of their children in one day? In the Biblical account, Adam and Eve are not featured players. Their only mention was by way of introduction in telling us who the boys' parents were. But, we know nothing about their parenting, if the boys had always argued over which sea to part or who received a bigger portion at dinner. The fact is, Cain and Abel are born....and because God shows favor to Abel, he is murdered. No serpent is needed to play the sly 'idea planter'. No rationale is given to us, other than Cain's jealousy. We are left in the dark about the boys' childhood, about the events leading up to our culture's first murder and to the family reaction. This would not make an easy case to be built on C.S.I. Too many of the details are missing.

Although she is not mentioned, other than having 'known' her husband and giving birth to a 'male child', Eve must have gone through an unimaginable time of loss. Because the Bible is based on oral tradition, having been told around nomadic campfires for millennia before it was written down, I can't help but be certain that the storytellers, who perpetuated this piece of the Genesis puzzle, were exclusively male. Every woman I know would want more details. There isn't a mother alive who would be willing to simply look at the larger picture, taking the life lessons from the story, and moving on, without wondering how Eve felt and what she did. I can only imagine her complete sense of disillusionment with God's Creation. Men may be able to gloss over these losses, but women need to cry, to talk through the situation and to ask themselves what they could have done differently. Eve must have felt like a failure: first, she gets her husband and herself kicked out of the Garden of Eden (her dream home), and then settling in the wilderness, gives birth to two boys, without an epidural or a baby shower. When the boys begin to fight, Eve has no idea what to do. There is no parenting support group. She doesn't have a mother to call to say "Ma, these boys are driving me crazy!". When the worst happens, and her life is torn apart yet again, it is difficult for me to imagine her turning to God for help. He seems to be done with her. What's Eve to do next?

Sibling rivalry is never easy for a parent. In my own case, it came as a complete shock to me. Because I'm an only child, I harbored fantasies about having siblings and how much fun it would be. I imagined that we would always play nicely together, and that there would always be someone to talk to. It never occurred to me that brothers and sisters would fight. Having two children almost exactly two years apart, I imagined my two being best friends forever. I thought about how they would go apple picking, go to the beach, go bike riding and even share books. I dreamed that they would call each other, as they got older, almost daily, and share a unique bond because they share my husband's and my DNA. Reality is different from fantasy, isn't it? While I am thankful that my children do not harbor the "Cain and Abel" syndrome of extreme sibling jealousy, I can say that there have been hostile words, shoving hands, nasty comments and death stares across the table. There have been car rides that turned into cage matches. There have been items chucked across the room that were never intended to be used as weapons. In short, life with siblings hasn't been perfect. Although they played well as young children, by the time they hit middle school, war had been declared and battle lines had been drawn. What my children failed to understand is that every harsh word, every time they excluded their brother or sister, each nasty action broke my heart just a little bit. They believe that their relationship is between them...and only them. They do not fathom that the way the treat each other reflects on how I've tried to mother them: to be loving, kind, generous and courageous. I did not raise them to be petty, snarky, vindictive or rude. In the words of Andy Warhol "I just want everybody to like everybody".

Interestingly, during our discussion on this topic in divinity class, I was the only student to wonder about Eve. I am also the only mother actively parenting two children. The majority of the discussion centered around motivation, weapons and the impact on civilization. These are all noble, fascinating and interesting topics of conversation. They're clearly more common than my own ponderings as to whether or not Eve used 'time out' with the boys or took away bird watching privileges. I wish I could meet Eve for coffee....in the years before the scene played out to its dire end. I wonder if she could have used a sympathetic ear, a mother's night out or some brainstorming strategies to get those boys to behave. I also wish I could pick her brain about being the mother of civilization as we know it. But, that might have to be a discussion for another time. In short, I wonder if Eve was as emotionally exhausted as most mothers are today. I wonder if she was surprised by Cain's vicious attack, or if she would have shook her head sadly and said, "I saw it coming, but there was nothing I could do."

Being a mother is challenging on the best of days. We love our children, and we want them to love each other. We hope that they will take the very best of the lessons we try to teach them and bring those out into the world. We do not expect them to behave like cranky, irresponsible, angry beasts. As we read any book, whether it's the Bible, or a popular piece of fiction, we read it with eyes that have come from experience. It's virtually impossible to separate our lives from our ways of interpretation. What is important to us in life will be the details we pick up the most on as we read. The Bible isn't any different in this sense: stories that speak to our hearts are the ones that resonate with us. As a mother of two, I found that my interpretation of Genesis 4 was radically different from that of my classmates. Perhaps that's one of the most fascinating aspects of education...what we bring into the classroom is what we can share with others.

While I'll never be able to encourage Eve to treat the boys evenly, and to build up their self-esteem in the ways in which each of her sons needed it most, I can relate to her 'untold' part of this story: that of a mother dealing with sibling rivalry. As my children have grown up, their conflicts are less pronounced and they even have fun together once again. I may still not like it when they bicker or pointedly ignore one another, but I do see an improvement that's come with maturity. I no longer have to referee the "I'm not touching you!" drama coming from the back seat of the car. But, I can still pray, encourage and hope for my son and daughter to establish a positive relationship as they get older.

At least, I won't have to pull over to the side of the road and seethe, "Nobody is ever to touch anybody again!".

The Book of Lies

"....and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?" Genesis 4:8-9

Brad Meltzer's new novel, "The Book of Lies", is a roller coaster of emotion, fast paced action, and fascinating ideas. The story, which is one third Indiana Jones, another third Da Vinci Code,

and a third part pure invention, holds the reader's attention from the first chapter onward. The plot centers around a family saga regarding the weapon that Cain used to kill Abel that day in a jealous rage in the field. This is not a theoretical or folklore recitation of what might have taken place. Rather, it's the extraordinary journey that crosses religions, beliefs, and even all sense of time to find out not only if the weapon existed, but if such a tool could have survived to the present day. Additionally, the novel's protagonist hunts for keys to the real story of Cain and Abel. Could Cain have been

provoked? How was he marked following his confrontation with God? What more could there be to the story than the 4th Chapter of Genesis alludes to?

I have a passion for archeology. In college, I considered seriously switching my major from Developmental Psychology to Ancient Civilizations. I read Homer, Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. I studied Mesopotamian, Persian, Goth and Celtic lore. I wrote long essays on the Roman contribution to the western world, as well as passionate theories of the Library of Alexandria's potential contents. However, nothing captured my attention the way that Biblical archeology did. It was fascinating to learn more about the most likely sites for Moses to have received the Ten Commandments, for Joshua to have stopped the sun's progress in the sky to allow victory at Jericho and to learn the most likely hometown of Queen Esther. Biblical archeology is different from other types of reclaiming dig sites. Why? Because the results can be explosive. There are many belief systems that find the digging of possibly sacred sites to be disrespectful of the dead. There are others who believe that taking the Bible on faith is far more valuable than finding the preaching locations of the Prophet Isaiah or Jonah's Ninevah. Additionally, since most of the Middle East is fully settled into a modern, yet complicated and dangerous, society, there aren't as many dig sites as there could be. After all.....those steps of Isaiah could take the archeology team through someone's living room.

Yet, there persists a fascination with the ideas of linking the Bible to our lives today. What better way to do this than by collecting artifacts to prove the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah...or the Ark of the Covenant? "Indiana Jones & Raiders of the Lost Ark" captured my imagination. I was 15 when I first saw the film, and I don't believe that it's ever left me. The premise of the movie, that there truly still existed the original ornate box that the Hebrew people held the original Ten Commandments, sparked a lifelong connection to this specialized field. At one point in the movie, the villain tells Indiana Jones "to find the Ark is to find the hand of God." Looking at the story as a teen, I knew that, to hold something in my hand that was truly God given....would be the most exceptional experience of my life. Although I have never been to the Holy Land, I can easily imagine

walking around the Pyramids, exploring the hills near Jericho, looking at the Dead Sea's depths, wandering through Bethlehem and walking the Via de la Rosa in Jerusalem. It would be similar to walking in the footsteps of giants. I could only hope but imagine that I, too, was walking over the same ground that held Abraham, Isaac, Jospeh, Moses, Ruth, Daniel and Jesus. I can imagine the heady feeling of coming across a place, or an artifact, that truly belonged to these Biblical figures.

Still, do Biblical artifacts have a place in faith? One only has to look at the Medieval practice of selling 'relics' for forgiveness of sins to know that there is the potential for terrible abuse.In the Middle Ages, the selling of slivers of the "True Cross", bones of the saints, scraps of cloth belonging to the Disciples or bits of earth from the Holy Land were common place. People purchased both as penance and as 'good luck charms'. It was believed that these small relics could heal the sick, and even protect against the Plague. When the Protestant Reformation began, one of the key points to the arguments presented by men, like Martin Luther, was the wholesale trade of these counterfeit archaeological finds. Since then, proof has been shown that some saints' bones were really belonging to dogs and cats, and that the wood supposed to be the actual Cross of Christ was not only European, but probably not even old at the time of the sale to an unsuspecting buyer.

This brings us back to "The Book of Lies": does there need to be a weapon found for this story to have merit? Do we need incontrovertible proof of its existence? There is a fascinating with Cain and Abel...not only were they the first alleged siblings to humankind, but also the first murderer and murder victim. To find the weapon used in such a slaying would be ground breaking. It would answer questions, and give insights into the 'prehistoric' time in which the brothers existed. Still, is the story any less meaningful if we can't reconstruct the crime scene, as they do on CSI? Biblical archaeologists, theologians, scientists and historians have been arguing this question for years, and will continue to do so for decades. I believe that these archaeological digs provide us with fascinating views of Ancient Civilization. Having been to Pompeii, and walked on the avenues, experiencing how the Ancient Romans lived, I know that these spectacular finds can be edifying and educational at the same time. Yet, would finding a relic, like Cain's weapon, make, or destroy, my faith? Unlikely in either scenario. I believe that science, history and faith can all walk hand in hand. The thought that Troy was myth, only to proven in the last century, is the point that there is indeed fact within unproven story.

We take study the sites we have discovered. We can look at amazing finds in museums. We can learn from the Bedouins today how life may have been similar to those in Biblical times. But the rest? We just have to take on faith and ask ourselves what lessons can be learned.

And lead us not into temptation...

"How oft the sight of the means to do ill deeds makes ill needs done."

~ William Shakespeare, The Life and Death of King John

For most church goers, a standard part of the service is reciting the Lord's Prayer. Regardless of whether one asks that our trespasses or our debts be forgiven, we humble ask God for redemption. We entreat Him to meet our daily needs, and we ask that our will be in congruence with God's. Most of all, we beg God's favor by leading us away from temptation and evil. This beloved prayer has been translated into more than 170 languages. If there is a Bible, there is the Lord's prayer, taught to Jesus' disciples, instructing them in the best way to pray. Far too many of us take this prayer as a memory verse, simply mumbling along with the rest of the congregation, as we speak these words from Matthew's gospel. Others expect it to be a magic spell....reciting it will make all our problems go away, in those people's hopes. Yet, what I feel about the Lord's prayer isn't so much the word for word scripture recitation. Rather, it's the meaning behind the words. The intention wasn't for us to use this prayer as a "get out of jail free" card. It was not the prayer itself, as beautiful as it is...it was the method in which Jesus was asking us to open to our hearts to something bigger, something more valuable and something humbling.

Although I plan to write further on this, the one line I'd like to focus on for this piece is "And lead us not into temptation...." That's a very tricky one, isn't it? We implore a higher power not to take us to places in which we will be tempted into making mistakes, into hurting ourselves or others, into feeding bad habits. For each one us, the place of temptation is different, and temptation itself wears many different faces. In the life of a woman struggling with food addiction, the sight of the supermarket candy aisle might be her worst temptation. For a man dealing with the crisis of wanting a cigarette, being in his old spot in which he'd smoke, or being with friends who are smokers, can be an intoxicating lure. These temptations carry with them life threatening consequences. The first case could be facing high blood pressure, diabetes, angina and many other physical ailments. The latter could be facing lung cancer, emphysema and stroke. The temptations for these cases could literally take their lives, and have done so, in far too many cases.

What about those of us who are tempted in ways that aren't visible? What if we are tempted to brag about our lives to people around us, puffing up ourselves in self-importance, making those to whom we speak feel badly about themselves? What if we are desperately want to keep shopping, buying things we don't need and can't afford, just to look a certain way? What if are tempted to do a mediocre work related project, only expending the bare minimum of effort, when our clients are expecting our full attention? What about gossiping with our neighbors regarding the new family who just moved in? What about the ways we sink into bad habits that destroy our sense of value, our belief in excellence, our humility, our friendship and our honor? I believe that we can call on the God of our beliefs all we want, begging for His mercy for our many faults. But, if we lead *ourselves* astray, are we really allowing ourselves to be led away from temptation? I believe we can be our own worst enemies, and can invite temptation into our lives, even while giving lip service to asking it to be removed from our hearts and minds.

What do we do next? We know we have one stumbling block...how do we overcome it? In Matthew 5:30, Jesus writes, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away from you." Should we actually maim the body parts that cause us to walk right into the behaviors, or thoughts, we don't wish to have? Of course not. We would all be blind, deaf and unable to walk or hold items in our hands if this were the literal case. Metaphorically, however, I do believe we can take a great deal of meaning from these words from Matthew. If something isn't working in your life, if a behavior pattern is unhealthy, unproductive, lazy, or unkind, we need to find ways to remove any triggers from our lives. We're addicted to junk food? Do not buy it. Do not bring it in the house. We want to quit smoking? Don't be around smokers at all. Obviously, gain assistance from professionals in mastering these behaviors, but the first step is telling ourselves that we are not going to be our own enablers. Shopaholics? Take 60, or even 30, days and buy *nothing* but food. Don't purchase so much as a pair of socks. When catalogs come, through them in the trash. If we receive an email that a great sale is going in a store we love, delete the email without reading it. Don't allow yourself to say "Well, I'll just see what they have....", and set yourself up to place an order. Gossiping? When your friend wants to badmouth a mutual acquaintance, politely change the subject, or simply have to get off the phone. Laziness? Just do the work entrusted to you to do....make no excuses, and set yourself up for success by creating plans of attack for any project. Sometimes looking at too big a picture can throw our best intentions into sloth. Just create one goal and a time and do your best in every goal.

In Yogic tradition, a Zen master wrote, "In the spiritual life, the most important,

significant and fruitful thing is self-control. No self-control, no self-realisation." How similar this idea is to the meaning behind not giving into temptation, but becoming something higher...someone more committed to living the life we are capable of living. How easy it is to give into temptation! How difficult it is to say, "No. I'm choosing a different way." The truth is, temptation exists in all cultures, in all circumstances and in all lives. We each have different areas in which we stumble. But, for the rest our lives, we can choose to remain on the ground, having given in and surrendered to our worst faults. Or, we can acknowledge that life isn't about how many times we mess up, or how many times we fail, or if buy that candy bar, or we buy shoes we don't need. It's about all the times we apologize to those we've wronged. It's about learning from our mistakes. It's about finding ways to help ourselves succeed. It's about walking the course slowly and methodically, achieving our destination with honor....not about getting to the finish line first, pushing others out of our way or using bad habits to help make the race easier.

When you find yourself sliding into those temptations, don't cut off your hand: place it in the hand of someone else. Find something worthwhile for that hand to do that's completely different from your problem area. In overcoming our own temptations, you may just discover that you find yourself helping someone else. Isn't that what it's all about?

Friendship, Loyalty and Ruth

Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.

Ruth 1:16

One of my favorite books in the Bible is the book of Ruth, not the least of which is because Ruth is my middle name. The Old Testament, to scholars and historians and theologians alike, is full of metaphor, mixed with historical fact. The Old Testament is filled with images, thoughts, ideas and stories of long ago. These books are debated in Rabbinical schools and Christian seminaries. The places mentioned are among the most popular digs for archeologists. The life lessons, and ethical teachings, are still prevalent today. And yet, it's the book of Ruth that speaks to me the most, out of all the Old Testament books. Why? Because, it speaks on the level of deep abiding friendship between women, a sense of undying loyalty and perserverence in the face of wretched adversity. It's not a complex theological idea that will take me a lifetime to wrap my head around. Rather, it's a lesson in how women could, and should, behave towards one another.

Ruth is an extraordinary woman. She leaves all she knows to join her husband's household. When he passes away, and when famine threatens the land, Ruth, and her sisters in law, are released from their mother in law, Naomi, to return to their own families, where they might find a better chance of food, shelter and future promise. But, Ruth refuses to leave her aging mother in law, and instead becomes the bread winner, quite literally, insistent upon honor and kindness and a shared burden. How many women would show this type of character today? Ruth's example of standing together to face hard times was unique in her own time, and it's unique today. Her example of selflessness and hard work for another person inspire me beyond measure.

Beginning in middle school, girls are often pitted against one another. They compete, they establish territories and they torment weaker ones with 'Mean Girl' tactics. Girls can be far worse bullies than boys....because the words and manipulation they inflict can last a lifetime. They spread rumors, they malign and they instigate fear. Sadly, this behavior can continue on until adulthood with some women vying for attention by making others around them "look badly" to their mutual friends. They are competitive, back biting and disloyal, at times. It would never occur to these girls (and women) that our bond as women, and as fellow human beings, should transcend jealousy, bitterness and hostility to make oneself feel better.

Thankfully, I've been blessed with wonderful women friends. Most of us are all around the country (and the world) these days. But, with help from the internet, I'm able to glean support, kindness and friendship in much the same way Ruth gleaned in the fields. If there is one harsh reality that I wish I could spare my own daughter, it's the pain that can be inflicted from other women. And yet, underneath the pain and throughout the lessons learned, other friendships can be formed that are lasting, true and free of competition. I don't believe we can fully appreciate the trueness of loyal friendship without feeling the sting of false.

Like Ruth, I hope to become a woman of unquestioned loyalty, hard work, kindness and commitment. I hope to show love when I'm afraid. I wish I could be as courageous, in the face of uncertainty, as she was. I hope I can pass these traits on to my daughter. I hope that she will know the kind, but more difficult, path will build character far deeper and much further reaching. It doesn't make hurt caused by other girls go away, but it does make you appreciate those who are loyal all the more.

And, I'm most definitely proud to be Ellen Ruth. I have some big shoes to fill.