The Present Moment

Present-moment living, getting in touch with your now, is at the heart of effective living. When you think about it, there really is no other moment you can live. Now is all there is, and the future is just another present moment to live when it arrives. One thing is certain, you cannot live it until it does appear. ~ Wayne Dwyer

One of the areas in Yoga that has long been my struggle is the essence of remaining in the Present Moment. A lifelong daydreamer, I've always managed to drift off, thinking of the next place I'd like to be, something I'd rather be doing or even just imagining other possibilities that could be happening, when the next step of journey arrives. This is not the say I'm dissatisfied with my life. Quite the contrary...I count my blessings daily. And yet, I grapple with keeping my heart, my mind and my spirit grounded in the here and now...and to be fully present in this very moment, in this very time. The irony is that I've always imagined the next step: when I was little, I wanted to be big, before I was married, I couldn't wait to set up my home. Before I had children, I couldn't wait to have a baby. When my babies were little, I imagined their being bigger and more independent. Always, I had in my mind what was coming 'next'....rarely, what was here in this very time. I would tackle a stack of dishes in the sink, and think about how incredible life would be when "X, Y, Z" were to happen. As my hands would root around in the warm, sudsy water, I wouldn't think about what I needed to be happy. I truly have felt joy and contentment. And yet, there was the part of me always waiting to turn the page, and begin the next chapter.

Needless to say, patience has long been my biggest stumbling block in my spiritual quest. St. Paul wrote that the fruits of the Spirit are, "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." (Galatians 5:22). The Talmud extols "patience as the essence of a faithful man". Buddhism believes that patience is one of the "perfections" that one must achieve to attain enlightenment. I believe in all of these principles. I am devout in my love, my joy and utter gratitude for the life I have been blessed with. For every day that I have been graced with living, I feel a sense of profound awe and thankfulness. So, why do I struggle so with the concept of remaining grounded in the present moment? Why do I want to rush down the stairs, rip the paper open the metaphorical red and green packages, and tear into the Christmas gifts of life, like a wild 5 year old? Why can't I seem to sit at the top of the stairs....gazing with peace upon the scene below, and take the moment fully in, before rushing headlong into the future?

Living in the present moment, grounded fully in who we are, and in where we are, has been a challenge for many people for all of recorded time. Even Mother Theresa, whose life of utter selflessness, I admire deeply, reported periods of impatience, exhaustion and feeling spiritually tapped out. She looked for a time in which there would be no more poor to have such need, and for herself to have infinite strength to deal with all those who need her. Towards the end of her life she wrote, "All things pass... Patience attains all it strives for." The meaning? Keep on doing what you're doing: do good work, love those around you, remain focused on the tasks at hand. Patience isn't a place we arrive at, as a destination. Patience, itself, is a journey...and achieving it is a byproduct of living moment by moment.

Living in the present moment is not something new to our current age of fast-paced technology and instant gratification. What I will admit is that it's tougher than ever to remain grounded in living our lives as they come. When we're bombarded with advertisements, television shows and magazines, we wonder if we're missing something by not looking ahead more than we do. We wonder if our futures really be brighter if we only plan to move to a different place....a different home. We wonder if life will pass us by in not planning better.....or rather, by not planning to live a certain way, in a certain place. Plans aren't a bad thing: they help us pay our bills on time, arrive to attend meetings, do our jobs, parent our children well and remain involved in our communitities. Plans keep us focused on where we need to be right now. The problem with plans is that we can look too far ahead with them....and in doing so, lose sight of the moment we're living in. We can miss the joy of a summer night by thinking about plans to get the house ready for winter. We can let our children's babyhoods slip through fingers as we worry about where they will go to college. We can miss the touch of our spouse holding our hand on a Sunday evening, because we're mentally calculating all the crises that await us in the week ahead.

The wonderful Buddhist monk, Thich Naht Hahn, wrote a beautiful book on remaining in the present moment: "Peace is Every Step", about living in mindfulness everyday. One of the meditations he describes is very simple. As one sits in a peaceful position, or goes for a gentle walk, one repeats to herself:

• As I breathe in, I calm my body and mind.
• As I breathe out, I smile.
• Sitting (or walking), I am grounded in the Present moment.
• I know it is a wonderful moment.

As simple as this meditation sounds, it's surpringly effective. When I find myself thinking about "What? Where? When? HOW?!" for the next phase of my life, I realize that the next phase will come soon enough. I will have ample time, ample opportunity and ample ability to deal with all the blessings and challenges that lie ahead. What I will not have is the blessing of a moment I let slip away, by worrying, or even daydreaming, about what's still to come. The phrase "Carpe Diem" (or Seize the day!) made so popular in the wonderful Robin Williams film, "The Dead Poet's Society", is quite true. Today is a day that will never come again. What will you make of it? Will you enjoy it? Will you conquer the day's tasks, or will you ignore them, too focused on next year's burdens? Remember to always be the author of your day. For good or bad, for better or wose, and even for richer or for poorer, today is the moment to live in...so make certain that you appreciate it for all its worth, and live fully in the experiences as they arise.

Connections....

Not long ago, I was fortunate to happen upon a television program about one of my real life idols, Jane Goodall. I happen to adore Dr. Goodall's work, her books, and her passionate mission to educate the world about African primates. Dr. Goodall was far more of an anthropologist than she was a zoologist. She didn't study the chimpanzees and great apes. She lived with them. She built relationships with them by sitting quietly, observing them, interacting with them in their own language. She learned to communicate 'primate', not by forcing her will upon these wild creatures, but by introducing herself into *their* world. Dr. Goodall, not only became a member of various tribes of large primates, but she also got to know each family member throughout the generations. She didn't study them or their responses in control situations in a lab. She learned what their strengths and skills were by studying them in the wild. For hundreds of years, scientists removed chimpanzees and apes from Africa, to study them in climates and conditions far removed from their lives in their homeland. While some progress was made, sadly, far too often, these animals died in captivity...not only from accurate food deprivation, but from being separated from their families. What Jane Goodall was able to show the world, by her lifetime spent learning the intricate family, and group, connections, is that the bonds these animals forge is much like a human family: there are good relationships and bad ones. There are wonderful mothers, and negligent ones. There are involved fathers, and those who would hurt their young. There are meaningful, loving interactions and there are relationships based on fear. Just like human beings, primates, in their own environment need love, attention, human touch and kindness to survive.

Unfortunately, many primates have healthier relationships than some humans do with their children and with one another. My heart broke when I learned of another story...this one the antithesis of what Jane Goodall was studying: it was about a little girl who was quite literally, left to her own survival in the basement of her mother's home. Without going into too much detail, this poor child was deprived of every kind of human kindness, affection, and even basic interaction. As a result, she had the brain development of a 6 month old baby...at age 8 years old. This devastatingly heart breaking story had me sobbing for the pain of this poor child, but I was uplifting to learn that she had been adopted by a wonderful family, and was very slowly making progress in her physical and intellectual development. Interestingly, she was having to work through all the stages that babies do: she needed to learn to crawl, the be held upright, to sit in a chair unassisted, to feed herself. She needed to work through each milestone that a baby and a toddler would, and she has been able to make progress because of the deep connection she has grown with her incredible adoptive parents.

These two stories illustrate how crucial the connections we make are: to really understand who we are as human beings, and what we are capable of achieving, we have to value the connections we have with people in our lives. From our earliest relationships, these connections form the most fundamental resource in brain connections. Multiple research has shown a strong fact: infants who have strong, loving, interactive connections with their primary caregivers are more likely to have strong, loving, interactive relationships with others in their lives. Additionally, facts have been proving that loving relationships in infants and young children have actually been proven to *stimulate and create* connective brain tissue. Therefore, children who are spoken to, made eye contact with, held, loved, involved and cherished are children who are going to have a higher activity of brain stimulation, creating new pathways that are essential in all areas of growth and development.

But, does connectedness, and our need for it, diminish over time? Absolutely not. As human beings, unless we are highly introverted, we desperately need the interaction of other people. We need conversation, stimulation and cooperation. If we are missing these components of our lives, far too often, this can result in brain chemistry altering. Particularly in the elderly, we see that people who are loved, cherished and 'needed' are far more likely to continue to live active, interesting lives, than the elderly who are 'shut ins'. Our brains crave interaction with others...and meaningful conversation. Additionally, many mothers of young children, who are home raising them, and have left their work outside the home, find they can easily slip into lethargy. By participating in mother's groups, and maintaining their own interests with other new mothers (who understand their struggles), they're able to feel vital and less depressed. Every person, in every group, in society benefits from being a valued member, who has a something to contribute to the world around her.

In my Yoga classes, I'll often ask students to pair up to work on partner Yoga. Making basic asanas, such as Tree Pose, as seen in the photo to the left, into tandem poses, students gain in learning connections. It's not easy to hold a balance pose. It's even tougher when you're relying on someone else's balance. Yet, these can be some of the most popular exercises in my classes. With a partner, the yogini can stretch further than she would on her own. She is able to work into tough asanas, knowing that her partner can 'spot' her. The yogini also can feel a deep connection to helping her partner achieve her own goals. I'll always remember when two of my students, one an elderly woman in her late 70's, and her partner, a college student in her late teens, made a coffee date after class. They had just successfully assisted one another in achieving "Wheel Pose", similar to a back bend from the ground up. They were so proud, and thrilled, to have worked through their individual difficulties and to have triumphed together. And, so a purple haired college junior with a nose ring, invited her friend, a very proper British woman who always wore her pearls in class, for celebration over scones and cappuccino. In my eyes, that connection they made was far more impressive than the back bend.

Connections are crucial to us, in every stage of life. Make sure that you nourish those. Just as a baby needs to be held, rocked, crooned to and spoken with, our adult friends need interaction and attention, as well. We need to firm up those bonds and create strong ties with one another. This helps us feel more grounded in who we are, as people, and it also provides us with a wonderful network, with whom to share our joys, our sorrows and our every day events. So, find a pal...or better still...invite someone who may seem a bit lonely, out for cappuccino and scones. You may just end up finding a wonderful friend to help partner on life's journey. Just make sure you are learning to speak in their "language": you will find your connection to be much more real than imposing your own.

The greatest danger to our future is apathy in our connectedness. ~ Jane Goodall

Somewhere over the rainbow....

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow...why, oh, why can't I?

It has never been a secret that "Somewhere over the rainbow" is one of my favorite songs. Since I was a little girl, curled up on the sofa, watching Dorothy sing in "The Wizard of Oz", as she daydreamed about a place where wishes can come true. Dorothy's impression of that place "over the rainbow" for most of us would be paradise: a place in which she could feel safe from harm, peaceful in heart, loved and protected. Her imaginings led her to believe that that her excursion to "being over the rainbow", would mean that all her troubles would disappear, and where she would be happy forever. Despite the hopeful lyrics of a song that still touches my soul, the irony about Dorothy's fairy tale land was that it didn't exist at all. Yes, Dorothy did fly over the rainbow. She did land in a place completely away from all of her troubles. But, with her voyage came her old nemesis, her old fears and a deep seated homesickness. Dorothy got her wish: she flew over the rainbow. But, in the end, it wasn't the land in which her dreams came true in the way she'd imagined.

How many times have we thought to ourselves, "If I just can have this, I'll be happy for the rest of my life?". For some, that dream of "being over the rainbow" might be the perfect job, a date with your dreamy coworker, a bigger house or a newer car. I have a friend who, for years, cut all the things she wanted out of magazines and newspapers. She pasted these pictures in a scrapbook. She'd gaze at the photos of the elegant colonial style mansion, and the luxury SUV longingly. She would "furnish" her imaginary home with designer rooms from "Elegant Homes" magazine. She would glue photos of hairstyles she liked, and celebrities whose appearance she admired. She would clip out designer outfits from "Vogue" and imagine owning a handbag that cost more than her monthly house payment. My friend called this scrapbook her 'wish book', in an homage to the old Sears catalog that used to come out at Christmas time. Her idea was that she would 'check off' each item as she acquired it. The thing is, as the months turned into years, and the years dragged on, my friend became more and more resentful that she was not checking off more items in her wish book. Her marriage suffered. Her self-esteem crumbled. The wish book became, itself, an insurmountable goal. Because she had chosen to make these unattainable items, that she couldn't be happy without, her perfectly lovely life became the wrong side of the fence. Her wish book, like Dorothy's Oz, became a place that wasn't right for her. It wasn't healthy. And, it wasn't home.

Is it wrong of us to have daydreams, then? I don't believe there is anything wrong with daydreaming. I feel that daydreams are an essential part of creativity. Without daydreams and imagination, there would be no artists, no writers, no scientists making new discoveries. Without engaging in the 'possibilities' part of our brains, we would be deprived of essential thinking skills: lateral thinking and problem solving comes from the same area in the brain that dreams (both waking and sleeping) originate from. We would be unable to solve dilemmas we had never faced before. We would not be able to appreciate traveling to new places or enjoying new experiences, since they would be out of the realm of every day experience. Creative thought is extremely helpful to our society as a whole. It's the greatest daydreamers who have given us some of the greatest accomplishments. Hippocrates, Sir Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Isadora Duncan, Charles Dickens, Vincent Van Gogh and Susan B. Anthony were just some the world's greatest daydreamers....and each one of them made an indelible impression for generations after their lifetimes.

But, what about the rest of us? Since I'm neither a great artist, nor a gifted scientist, does daydreaming have any merit for me...an average woman? Absolutely...having a daydream can give hope to us during difficult times.Daydreams, if we can keep them in check, can be a healthy way to relieve stress. In Yoga, we often use a technique called "Guided Meditation". Also called "Guided Imagery", this is defined as "practice in which your imagination is lead on a particular journey with the purpose of achieving healing and realizations through purposeful contemplation and reflection." For many of us, even during yoga classes, it can be difficult to let go of our working mind. One Yogic school of thought calls this the human "monkey mind", always jumping from tree to tree, never focusing on where one is, but always on what's next to do. A guided imagery meditation might involve gentle music, and a teacher to help lead your thought pattern into a predictable, peaceful and nurturing space. Using our imaginations, we can close our eyes and transform a simple yoga studio into a lush tropical oasis, a breathtaking mountaintop, an illuminated night sky or, simply, the place that most says "comfort" to us. I've had many students tell me that, when I ask them to bring forth the image of the place in which they feel the safest, their grandmother's house is first on the list. Evoking the image of a special place, either real or imaginary, can help restore a panicked breath pattern to normalcy and can aid us in our quest to calm our anxieties. Guided meditation may help relieve suffering for cancer patients, women in labor, those suffering from insomnia and mild depression, as well as those who just need a method to leave 'work' at the office.

When I think about flying over the rainbow, I can't help but smile. Imagining a place in which all my dreams come true is a wonderful image. But, the fact is, we still have daily life to deal with. We still need to live in this world, as it right now, at this very moment. We still need to make practical plans for our future, appreciate the blessings we do have and solve the problems that come our way. Daydreaming about being over the rainbow can be fun and relaxing, but if it begins to interfere with one's daily life, that's when we need to establish a firm grasp on what we're evading. Do we really hate our jobs? Are our children driving us batty? Do we have too little money, and too many bills? These are real issues facing most of us. Daydreaming isn't going to solve our issues. As a matter of fact, if we daydream too much, we may find our problems to seem even more insurmountable...just as Dorothy did, when she felt she had to run away from home to keep Toto safe. By working on creative problem solving techniques to work through these issues, as best as humanly possible, our stress level may also go down. Talking about methods to combat my dilemmas with my friends has been incredibly beneficial to me. In my life, my girlfriends often 'see' answers where I am missing them.

The simple fact is, daydreaming is healthy, beautiful and wonderful. It's part of the human experience. Yet, when it comes right down to it, 'there's no place home'...even if home means a busted water heater and an unstable economy. Home can still be two things at once: our sanctuary from harm and a place that holds mountains of laundry to be washed. If we can reconcile these two places within ourselves, we can live fully in reality, but with a creative imagination.

Namaste.

(And for further inspiration, click on the TITLE..."Somewhere over the Rainbow" at the top of this post, to listen to a beautiful rendition of the song...)

To Protect and Defend...

"I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”

The above oath is still extraordinarily moving to me. I feel chills when I have been in the presence of a man, or woman, who affirms these words. Vowing to protect and defend others against all enemies is a not just a selfless promise: there are the very real potentials for harm to oneself. When we promise to champion others, at risk of our own lives, we are called to a higher and nobler purpose. I have been exceptionally blessed by the example of the most instrumental men in my life: my father was an active member of the New York City Mounted Police Auxiliary, as well as a volunteer for the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's office. My father in law is a retired New Hampshire Fire Chief. Finally, my husband was an Army Ranger for the first part of our marriage. I was able to learn from their experiences, and came to realize that the act of service was far more meaningful than the simple putting on of a uniform. The uniform was, simply, an outward expression of inward commitment to assisting others.

Promising to protect others, even at the risk of our own safety, is the ultimate act of bravery. But, do all people need to a firefighter or a police officer to make a difference to others? While members of all the many branches of service do an enormous credit to others, some of the most courageous souls are the ones who have protected the defenseless, knowing they will have no back up, no orders from commanding officers and no master strategy. In his powerful novel, "The Book Thief", Markus Zusak unfolds a story, narrated by Death himself. Slowly, creatively and lyrically, the author weaves a tale around a German family during the Second World War. The characters are quirky, courageous, ironic and deeply committed to seeing all human beings as equal, in a society that inspires fear. For the Hubermann family, and their foster daughter, Leisel Meminger, the war becomes personal. While each member of the family responds to the violence around them in a unique way, they also each exhibit profound courage in their insistence to live ethically, in a morally skewed world. They truly embody Jesus' words in the Gospel of John: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." In the Hubermann family's case, they were willing to lay down their lives for strangers, as well as friends. As all of mankind should believe, strangers do not require less of our humanity than people we know.

In modern society, few of us will be called to make the kinds of sacrifices that men and women in the Armed forces will. Few of us will shelter those who are facing murder in the streets. But, all of us can look deep within to discover the true meaning of the words "to protect and defend" in our own lives. For some of us, this might mean rallying around a cause that is important to basic human dignity. It may well mean stepping out of our comfort zone of not getting involved, just because it doesn't impact us personally. It might be fundraising for a charity that is doing noble and powerful work among those less fortunate. There are people who would rather face a battlefield than elicit donations for critical services. We may be called to help someone directly, by providing guidance, shelter or simply a safe person to talk to. We may be required to step out of moderation and into standing up for another, whose voice cannot be heard. When we stand up for someone who has no ability to protect herself, we stand up for all of humankind.

In closing, I'd like to share this poem that Martin Neimoller wrote at the end of the World War II. Neimoller was a Lutheran minister and, initially a political supporter of Adolph Hitler. However, as he witnessed the horror of daily life, his neighbors vanishing, and his friends being arrested, Neimoller began to speak out against the injustice he saw all around him. In turn, he himself was arrested and sent to the Dachau Concentration Camp. He wrote this poem upon his liberation:

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then . . . they came for me . . .
And by that time there was no one left to speak up."


Speak up for those who have no voice in the face of oppression. It takes a great deal of courage, but ultimately, you will be speaking up for the essence of what it means to be human.

Boating....

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea In a beautiful pea-green boat. ~ Edward Lear


Boats have played always played a dramatic role in the imagery and practicality of human life. We are taught that Noah saved mankind, and all animals, from the Great Flood in his Ark. We know that Jonah, fleeing from doing God's command of preaching to the Ninevites, tried to sneak away on a boat, only to be cast overboard, and therefore, not hiding from anyone; his boatmates, or God alike. We know that Jesus traveled by boat often, and that the calmed the storm that threatened Him and His disciples. The Aztecs were foretold that their god would arrive by boat and approach from the east. (Sadly, this proved not to be God, but Cortes). Homer's "Iliad" and "Odyssey" would not have been written without the use of boats in Ancient Greece. The Ancient Chinese had some of the most extraordinarily seaworthy and complex boats during the Han dynasty, approximately 200 BCE. The Nordic Vikings were renowned seafarers, but their lack of interest in colonization gave the credit to Christopher Columbus, some 200 years after their first discovery of North America. Boats have brought people, goods, services and ideas to different places. Boats have helped build metaphorical bridges between trading partners, and have brought wore to the shores of enemies. Boats ferry people to work each day, and deliver them home safely each night. When it comes right down to the topic, we are all "boat" people, even if we don't use one ourselves....because boats play such an enormous role in the globalization and culturalization of our world.

Growing up spending my summers in Maine, I have to admit that I was not always a boat aficionado. As a child, boats just seemed like an enormous amount of work. There was brass to polish daily, teak to varnish, lines to coil correctly, sails to fold perfectly, and a sense that I had to be able to read my father's mind, before he issued an order. Although my cousins both became adept and competent sailors, I was the incompetent and ugly duckling in the family. I was hit by the boom more than once, and could never seem to coil lines that didn't tangle around everyone else's ankles. If every family has a Gilligan, I'm afraid I held that distinction in mine. And yet, when I moved away from the ocean, I had forgotten how much I loved it. It was not until I returned home, many years later, inhaled the salt air into my landlubber lungs, and got out on the water again, that I felt, finally at peace on the sea.

Now that my husband and I are boat owners ourselves, I feel something akin to holiday magic when we launch our own watercraft each year. It feels like Christmas morning, with all the expectation, joy and sheer anticipation of all the wonderful memories that lie just around the bend. From the moment our boat hits the water, I can envision our summer unfolding before me: the picnics, the explorations, the adventures, the laughter of the children and their friends and the day trips we'll take. I remember all of the previous summers and my mind tends to focus on what happened on the boat, during any given year, as a way of marking the time. I can remember when Joshua first learned to drive the boat and when Caroline climbed to the high cliffs and jumped off the first time. I think about the children learning to water ski, wakeboard and the peals of hysterical laughter from tubing. I daydream nostalgically about sunset cruises and watching the fireworks from the boat on the 4th of July....with each passing year, the children growing a little taller. Our boat has become more than means of conveyance or a summer pastime: it has become a diary of living memories.

Boats can mean many things to many people. They can be symbols of wonderful memories, as they are to me, or they can evoke images of the strength of Naval might. In Yoga, Boat Pose is an asana in which many people have many different feelings. Boat Pose in a strength asana in which the Yogini uses all of her muscle groups at once. One must use her abdominal muscles, her trapezius muscles her quadriceps and her latissimus. She must concentrate fully on her breathing, as holding Boat pose tends to make people tense up, and lose their strengthening power of the breath. The Yogini must find her balance point, between her sitz bones and her tailbone, to anchor herself to the floor. Most of all, the Yogini needs to create a sense of ease and collaboration between each part of her body to ensure that the asana is successful. Just as a boat that must work to remain buoyant, progressing forward and with deliberateness, a Yogini needs to make certain all of her body parts are working together as one...and in doing so, creating strength.

Boats come in many shapes, sizes and purposes. There are tiny one person racing Opti's and enormous Windjammers. There are lobster boats that leave port, without fail, and return with their catch full. There are dredging ships and ice breakers and rescue boats. There are daysailors and party boats, ski boats and inflatable Zodiacs. Every type of craft serves a different purpose for her Captains. And, yet, they all manage to float, to do the job they were meant to do, and to carry out their purpose....just as there are different people, with different talents and different purposes. As long as we are comfortable with the boats of our lives, I believe we should feel content to be in the craft life has dealt us, always moving forward.

I leave with you the wise words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., "We may have all come by different ships in different times, but we're all in the same boat now." May we all strive to do so...to make our world a place of many arrivals, but for the common good.

Sea Glass

Maine’s beaches are quite unlike those in other parts of the country. We don’t have vast quantities of white sand, or expanses that attract high rise hotels, for the most part. Most of our beaches are moderately, to extremely, rocky. Many are hard to access. They are often deserted, except for the very hottest days of summer. With the exception of the tourist laden areas, most Maine beaches are extremely natural in their environment…meaning they’re not groomed, landscaped, seaweed removed or tidy. They do possess a wild beauty, but one has to be willing to look past the fallen down trees, the low tide sludge and the slippery green rocks to see that loveliness. These are beaches in the most rustic sense of the word. There is sand, there are rocks, there is saltwater and gentle waves. Occasionally, one will see something unexpected, like a seal bobbing just offshore, or a brightly painted lobster buoy that pulled free of its mooring. One might see dozens of mussels, already cracked open with their rainbow mother-of-pearl lining, or even a hermit crab, trying to find a more luxurious home. But, one shouldn’t expect striped cabanas, complete with beach side service, nor should one expect an easy hike down to the shore. Rustic elegance is the easiest term to describe the majority of Maine beach.

However, one of the great joys of walking along the beach in Maine is discovering beautiful pieces of Sea Glass. Like finely polished gems, these pieces can found nearly everywhere on the shore. Cast off from bottles from merchant vessels, from pleasure daysailors, from tourist trips or from fishing boats, from picnickers or just carelessness, these bits of glass bottles break up in the powerful surf and become mere bits of their former size and shape. When one finds a piece of sea glass, it's akin to finding a piece of gold....with the exception that no two pieces are alike. Some pieces are are very small, others still retain a curve of the bottle they once were. Polished over and over by the combination of salt water waves, sand, gravel and time in the right conditions, bits of rubbish turn into magnificent, light catching gems.

When my children were younger, finding sea glass was the primary mission for any adventure to the beach. Given that we live only a few hundred yards from the ocean, we amassed quite a collection on our adventures. We made stepping stones, containing these glittering jewels, we made jewelry, but most of all, we simply collected it...allowing it to fill a clear glass bowl with every muted color of the sea glass rainbow. We made up fantastical stories about particularly interesting pieces; how the deep blue glass was thrown off a luxury yacht in Bermuda, by people who were running from the law and needed to lighten up their boat to make a hasty escape. We imagined the green glass to be off a fishing boat, that hailed from Halifax, Nova Scotia, where the fishermen were brave and dropped the bottle during a mighty and powerful storm. The clear glass became, to us, an image of a brother and a sister, just like my own, whose lunch bags fell overboard on their way home from a picnic on the islands just off shore...and how badly those children felt losing their bottles, but had hoped that when the bottles turned up, on the other side of Penobscot Bay, they'd be found by nice people.

The fact is, most of these bits of glass probably don't carry the romance we imbued them to have. Yet, the transformation from something as ordinary as a beer bottle into something so exquisite is far too dramatic to attribute to blind luck...at least for us. And yet, the metaphor regarding the creation of sea glass is too close to my own heart to dismiss. Sea glass is something that was once ordinary, common place and even garbage to be dumped. But, through the slow, painstaking refining process of salt, sand, waves, gravely ocean bottoms, tides and other natural forces, tranforms from waste to wonder. Isn't it fascinating that nature itself can take something so unsightly as a Budweiser bottle, and allow it rematerialize, miles away, as something beautiful? How often in our lives, do we, ourselves, feel that that Budweiser bottle, before its journey under the sea? We can feel useless, or empty or of little value. We can feel old, or tired, or past our prime. We may feel unwanted, unloved or rejected. We can feel the deep pit of anxiety, worry and frustration in our lives.

Yet, it's these very situations, these very feelings, that polish us. The sadness, the grief, the loneliness and the feelings of uncertainty that can provide the salt water, the gravely sea bottom, the waves, the tidal forces and the sand to work on our souls...to sandpaper away all the waste, the top layer of superficial concerns and the unnecessary priorties in our lives. The jewels of our spirits that are left behind, throughout the whole painstaking polishing process may be very different than what we started out as. We may find that our selfishness gives way to giving, that our anxiety gives way to patience and that our grief turns into empathy. The refining, the polishing, the rubbing off of dirt is not an easy process. It can be heart breaking and life upending. But, it can also be heart building and life affirming, as well. What we will be left with will, undoubtedly, be far more beautiful than the empty vessels we began our journey with.

So, during your next walk on the beach, take time to look down and see if you can spot some sea glass. More importantly, see if you can look within your own heart to find where you have already been polished.

Letting go of labels....

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.-- Lao Tzu

Coming of age during the 1980's was an interesting period of history in which to discover who were as young adults. The classic John Hughes movie, "The Breakfast Club", gave us modern archetypal images presented in pop culture form. Portrayed brilliantly were the Prom Queen, the Jock, the Nerd, the Bad Boy and the Outsider. Each character wore his, or her, role like a costume, or even a second skin. Each actor effectively drew us into see that how each teenager viewed himself, was how he portrayed himself to others. And yet, through the process of self-discovery and the discovery of those around them, the characters were able to shed those labels and to realize that each one of them was far more than the labels they gave themselves...and enacted in daily life. As each character was able to release, layer by layer, the walls she had built up around her, protecting her image, she was able to discover far more about her own potential than she had imagined.

Far too often, we're guilty of this as adults today. We label ourselves with ease: Mother, Teacher, Father, Coach, Sister, Banker, Introvert, Asthmatic, Grief stricken, Salesman. We apply labels that can refer to our station in life, our relationships, our careers, our emotional state of being and our immediate circumstances. Not all labels are negative! In order to define our place in our own world, we need to know where we are at this very moment. We find comfort in being able to describe ourselves at parties as "what we do", by "whose parent we are", "whom we love" or "what our goal is". This type of labeling of ourselves can be extremely reassuring. We are positive of who we are at this very moment, in this very circumstance. With that certainty can come a sense of belonging. Even if we describe ourselves in somewhat negative terms, we still derive comfort from being certain of our place of being.

A few years ago, I had several friends all experiencing painful, heart breaking and spirit crushing divorces at the same time. As much as I tried to assist my friends in seeing them for the beautiful, talented and extraordinary women I knew them to be, they assigned themselves the labels of angry, bitter divorcee, unloved & unlovable woman, and single mother. These labels they clung to were understandable given how much pain they were in. These women were forced to come to terms with a side of life they had never planned on seeing. As someone who loved my friends unconditionally, it broke my heart to see these women limit themselves, and their potential for a fuller life, held back by the labels they were living out. And, yet, those labels were a necessary part of their growth process. In order to move forward from their broken hearts and upended lives, they had to live out being the labels they chose, in order to break free from that mold. Labels do not have to stay with us forever. For most of us, they are a time of learning...a place to 'rest' and establish where are, before we can let go of them to move forward.

One of the most rewarding aspects of my friendships with these three women has been watching them shed those skins of bitter divorcee, let go of their anger, and create magical new lives for themselves. Each one, in various ways, realized the limitations of the labels they had given themselves. Each friend began to see her own life being limited by her anger, her hurt, her rage, her fear and her crushing of her own spirit. Each one came to realize that her life was worth far more than allowing her divorce to determine the course of the rest of her life. Each one began to dig deeper, excavating the journey she wished to take. Ultimately, each woman saw her label of her post-divorce image as being self-limiting, and did not attribute that limiting force to her ex-husband, but to her own beliefs about herself.

At some point in our lives, we are all going to experience a time in which our conceived notions of ourselves are challenged. A job will end. Children will grow up and move out of the house. We lose someone we love. We will move. Simply put, a chapter in our lives will come to an end, challenging us to take a hard look at who we are, and force us to investigate the labels by which we have defined ourselves. This is not an easy process. Even if we aren't happy with the label by which we have built our self-image, who are we, if we aren't that person? One method to help in our growth process is journaling. Keeping a simple notebook by the sides of our beds, in our desk drawer at work, in our purse or anyplace within arm's reach can help us to write down our thoughts as they come up. By writing out our thought processes, positive or negative, we can begin to review them, analyze them, learn from them, and if possible, release them. Just as we need to release anger before we can forgive, we need to release our self-prejudices before we can begin to grow. Getting our thoughts on paper, just for our own benefit and review, can teach us a tremendous amount about where we've been, and where we hope to go in our lives.

As we explore the labels we have given ourselves, we may find that there are far more layers to each one of us than we ever anticipated. We may discover that, lying within each of us is the beauty of the Prom Queen, the confidence of the Jock, the acknowledgement of intelligence of the Nerd, the free spirit of the Bad Boy and fears of the Outsider. By acknowledging each part of our very being, we can move onto something far grander and far more meaningful than any one label.