Dance, the great communicator

To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak. ~Hopi Indian Saying

Did you know that dance is among the oldest forms of artistic expression ? Archeologists have found evidence of man’s love for dance, to express emotion, since the earliest cave paintings. I’m not surprised. Dance is innate within us. It’s among our first impulses as babies. Look at any toddler when you put on music. She’ll instantly begin to move ! I, too, love to dance. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember a time, when I didn’t dance. I can remember myself twirling and dancing when I was as young as 4. Because of this love for dance, it’s still amazing to me that I have absolutely no talent, and even less of a sense of rhythm. I am the equivalent of a tone deaf person who fancies herself a Mezzo-Soprano. But, with every love for the arts, must come patrons. I have learned that I can be a great appreciator, even if I will never be a great dancer.

My daughter, Caroline, on the other hand, is a wonderful dancer. She has been taking dance lessons since her 3rd birthday. And, unlike her beat challenged mother, she can convey rhythm, emotion, grace and skill. In addition to taking both of my children to see the Nutcracker every year, we have gone to Broadway and seen countless musical theatre productions. So, I know it’s not a mystery as to why Caroline understands the undercurrent of dance. She has not only studied, but has been exposed to everything from African dance to street hip hop and classical ballet. This is the first year, in the past 5 years, that she wasn’t in our local production of the Nutcracker Suite. I can tell that she missed being a part of it….despite long rehearsals, aching arches from hours on pointe and crowded dressing rooms, there was a piece of her performances that fed her soul. Dance can do that: it can reach into our very being and release endorphins, as well as self-expression and passion.

One of my favorite hymns in Church is “Lord of the Dance”. All reference to Michael Flatley and his Riverdance flying feet aside, it’s a beautiful song of reverence and faith. This little known hymn is perfectly sung at Christmastime. While it has never had the popularity of “Silent Night” at church services, “Lord of the Dance” should rightly be sung. It’s a beautiful hymn speaking of God’s place in the world, using dance as the medium. The first verse and chorus are as follows, and are sung to the melody of “ ‘Tis if a gift to simple”:

I danced in the morning when the world was begun

I danced in the Moon and the stars and the Sun

I came down from Heaven and I danced on the Earth

At Bethlehem I had my birth:

Dance then, wherever you may be

I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!

And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be

And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He!

It’s a wonderful image, isn’t it ? As a traditional woman, who believes in, and loves, the power of dance, I can’t think of a love letter to God that could be more from my heart. Additionally, this hymn captures the essence of the esoteric and reverent aspect of dance. In Yoga, the Asana of “the Pose of the Dancer” is, understandably, one of my comfort poses. Not only is the pose a wonderful method for practicing disciplined balance and for stretching out one’s upper back and hips, but the asana itself invokes the spirit of the dancer within each of us.

I have a challenge for everyone this holiday season: dance. Don’t worry about what you look like. Don't worry if it's not the Tango. I seem to channel “Elaine” from the infamous Seinfeld Christmas party episode, and her jerky, frenzied motions. But, the fact is, she loved it. And, so do I. Dancing releases tension and can create an extraordinary sense of well being.

Just take my advice: don’t dance in front of your teenagers. They have the oddest habit of turning off the music just when you’re getting going. I wonder why ?

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. ~Dave Barry

The Power of a Smile

It’s Christmas time ! This means shopping, food, visiting, greeting cards, decorating, music…and my favorite, Christmas movies. I happen to be a sucker for all holiday films. It’s very close to impossible to name my favorite. I have wonderful memories associated with each one….from the original “Miracle on 34th Street” (still a great film) to the “Grinch” to “The Santa Clause”. I adore the original “Charlie Brown’s Christmas”, and can’t imagine the weeks leading up to Christmas without the jazz strains of that soundtrack playing.

But, in the most recent (and by this, I date myself) batch of Christmas movies, I have to say that Will Ferrell’s “Elf” is a new classic. I adore his character of Buddy the Elf. Buddy approaches life with a great honesty, a loving innocence and a sense of deep caring for others…not to mention a spirit of Christmas as big as New York, and passion for maple syrup on everything and anything. Buddy tries to build a relationship with his jaded father, played by James Caan, while still maintaining his true Elf identity and zest for life. There are far too many wonderful, goofy lines in the movie to quote them all, but one of my favorites is, “I like smiling ! Smiling’s the best !”

The wonderful thought behind this line is the truth of it: smiling IS the best ! Did you know that smiling can help improve your overall well being ? Study after study has shown that smiling, even when you don’t feel like it, can have a remarkable effect on your mood. Both allopathic and homeopathic doctors agree, in fact, that if you smile at another person, make eye contact and “put on a happy face”, the mood is contagious. You will feel better by smiling when you’re sad. It does like a contradiction in terms, doesn’t it ? It also has a “close your eyes and think of England” element. And yet, the irresistible part of the equation is that it works. When you smile, you look happy, well grounded, and joyful. People will respond in kind. You smile, they smile back, and before you know it, you feel happy that someone has smiled at you. The results are exponential. The harried salesperson you made a kind comment to, instead of a snarky one, may well treat her next customer with great customer service, who, in turn, may feel well obliged to donate to a charity on her way out of the store. The “pay it forward” aspect of a simple smile, a kind gesture and a positive attitude, when we least feel like it, can even be returned to us when we least expect it. Additionally, smiling has been shown to increase your immune system’s resistance to illness and to lower high blood pressure.

In Yoga and the path of mindfulness, there is a wonderful tradition from extraordinary Vietnamese Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hanh. In his life changing book, “Peace is every step”, Thich Nhat Hanh discusses smiling at great lengths, and its benefits to calm the body and mind. In one seated meditation, the Master uses this mantra: “Breathing in, I calm my body.Breathing out, I smile.” I have used this technique not only in the classes I teach, but in line at a returns desk, stuck in traffic and during interminable parent conferences at school. It’s not just a gimmick. It truly works, and many cultures believe in the power of the smile. I love Mother Theresa’s thoughts on the subject, as well: “Peace begins with a smile.”

So, today, smile. It really is the best !

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. ~ Mother Theresa

Passionate about food

I love food with great passion. I also love to read. My blog has expounded on both of these points ad nauseum. However, I can’t let the holidays pass without suggesting one of my favorite books: The Soprano Family cookbook. I realize that I have only reviewed and derived articles from literary novels until this point. But, this cookbook is a novel. Rather, it reads like one. As a fan of the HBO series, the Sopranos, I was thrilled when my friend, Debra, gave me the cookbook one Christmas. Since then, I’ve pulled it out every holiday, and frankly, whenever I need a good laugh. It’s hilariously funny. The characters not only give their favorite recipes, but also bits and pieces into their lives. Because I’m not Italian-American, it would be easy to let dishes like Ziti Al-Forno or Roasted Sausage and Peppers slide remain off the radar. And yet, because of this wonderful cookbook, I can make these dishes with confidence, and laugh as I’m reading the recipes because they’re written “in character”.

My favorite chapter is entitled, “If I couldn’t eat, I’d fu**ing die!”. I simply love the title. It’s Bobby Bacala’s view on food, and some fabulous recipes. But, the sentiment, in so uncertain terms, remains the same. Food, to me, is meant to be savored to point of immense joy. If you don’t love what you’re eating, why bother? My husband, a former Army Ranger, takes a different view. During times in the field, you ate what you could, even MRE’s that tasted like sawdust. I haven’t had Jeff’s experience in food deprivation, so I can’t fully appreciate his impassioned plea for Kentucky Fried Chicken the moment he was released from that part of his training. But, I could certainly see his appreciation for what he craved, those long months he was away. I’ve been incredibly blessed in my life: I’ve been surrounded by delicious food most of the time. And, if I didn’t have it immediately, I wasn’t far from it. I also am fortunate that I have a strong resolve. I rarely eat something if it’s not exactly “it”. It’s not that I have developed the most incredible discipline, I’m just a picky eater when it comes to the taste-factor. The fact is, I want to love what I eat. Otherwise, it’s simply not worth my time. Or, the places it’ll end up on my thighs.

In Yoga, there are different philosophies about eating. Many serious yogis and yoginis are vegetarians. Others believe that eating meat is sacred, as long as you appreciate the animal, for lack of a better term that you’re eating. Still others will adhere to strict diets, macrobiotic, ayurvedic or another health-conscious traditions. These movements believe in focusing on the season on the food, the combinations of foods, and the right food for your body type. Honestly, I believe in all of it. I do eat (and appreciate) meat, but I also choose many meals to be vegetarian. I enjoy the freshness of many macrobiotic meals, and love brown rice and sushi. I also understand that eating for my Ayurvedic Dosha, which happens to be “Kapha”, involves avoiding fatty foods, and focusing on light, even spicy meals, to provide balance in my system. What most yogis will encourage you to do about food is to eat healthfully, and listen to your body when you have had enough. Pasta isn’t off limits (or I really would fu***ing die), but I eat it in moderation, with fresh ingredients for balanced meals.

As the holidays are here, so many of us will make unhealthy choices. We’ll feel these in body and in spirit (the guilty conscience never rests !). Enjoy your food, make a wonderful Italian dish, have a glass of red wine and savor it. Investigate new ways to approach food that may help you feel better physically. But, always remember that taste comes first!

"To eat is a necessity, but to eat intellligently is an art". ~ La Rouchfoucauld

Big

One of my favorite movies from the ‘80’s is Tom Hanks’ “Big”. His character, Josh Baskin, makes a wish on a bewitched arcade game to ‘be big’. This comes only after he, as a 12 year old boy, is given the brush off by a girl he likes, who is going on a carnival ride with a taller (and older) guy. I think many of us can relate to that feeling of anguish, and that moment in which we wish, with all of our heart and all of our soul, that our circumstances could be different. We hoped that we could wake up and magically become taller, smarter, thinner or with more curves. We wished we could run the race faster, score a winning goal or just manage to get through a day without adolescent humiliation. We long for more money, a nicer home or a ‘dream date’. We crave an instantaneous solution to our present life situation. Like Josh Baskin, we wish for an enchantment to make our heartbreak heal, and our lives perfect.

At the end of the movie, Tom Hanks’ love interest, played by Elizabeth Perkins, is invited to ‘come with him’, back to childhood. What I enjoy most about this scene is the expression on Tom Hanks’ face when she sadly says “no….I can’t go through that again…”. His character truly doesn’t understand that overcoming these trials is a part of life. No matter how big we get, there will always be someone smarter, someone wealthier or someone more talented. Part of our lives’ meaning is to learn to work through these complications and disappointments. Overcoming is rarely fun, and not often easy, but it does add to the sweetness of life. Because we learn our life lessons bit by bit, we have time to process each new step. We also have time to figure out what’s really worth worrying about. When I think back to the heartache I felt as a teenager, I wish I could go back: not to relive that part of my life, but to talk some sense into my younger self. Yet, at the same time, I know I wouldn’t have listened to ‘me’. It takes the journey to learn the lesson. And, it takes a life of learning to continue to gain insight into each new step of the journey. Just when we think we’ve made it, that we’re ‘there’, life throws us a curve ball: we graduate, we begin a new job, we get married, we become parents, our children grow up, we find ourselves with an empty nest. We become “freshmen” all over again.

In India, Ganesha is the God of Overcoming Obstacles. While I’m neither Buddhist nor Hindi, I have always found Ganesha to be a fascinating cultural study. His elephant head is clearly recognizable and adorns many places, from homes to businesses. Ganesha is not only the Remover of Obstacles but is also the God of Arts & Sciences, as well as, in Buddhist tradition, the God of letters and learning. Unlike Judeo-Christian traditions, Ganesha isn’t prayed to with the same monotheistic belief system we have here in the west. He is invited to join the seeker, as a helper, an aide and a friend. It seems to intruiging to have a God-friend who may miraculously remove the obstacles in our path. This thought makes me smile when I imagine Tom Hanks’ character going to a Hindi shrine and asking Ganesha for help, lighting incense and chanting. Does Ganesha really help those who ask him? I can’t answer that. It’s not my tradition. But, do I believe that there is a higher power who will walk with us every step of the way on our own journey, the answer is yes. He doesn’t look like an elephant. He doesn’t need elaborate rituals. I do believe that asking the God of your heart to stand with you through trying times, over hurtles in the road and during times of heartbreak is beneficial for all. But, will he magically solve all my problems ? No. But, I believe with my own heart in the right place, I walk in the direction that will bring about the most benefit.

So, if I had a wish, would it be to be young again ? Would I say “No !”, vehemently as Elizabeth Perkins did ? Would I wish myself older, and through these teen years ? I think one of the greatest experiences of my own life has been to appreciate right now for what it is. It may not be perfect. It may not always be pretty. My hair may have a little more gray, and my step might be a bit slower. But, I wouldn’t trade right now, pains and all, for anything. I appreciate how far I have come. But, more importantly, I appreciate all I have yet to do. And, I don’t want to skip over any of it. I want to experience every single moment of it. When we wish ourselvse out of the stage we're in, we're skipping over the sweetest parts; the good memories along with the bad, the sense of perspective we gain and the precious times we realize how fortunate we've been.

However, if you happen to see a Zoltan machine, make a wish. Just be careful what you wish for....

"Seek not that things which happen should happen as you wish; but wish that the things which happen to be as they are, and you will have a tranquil flow of life." ~ Epictetus

Family Time, Games and Stacking the Deck

"Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules..." Ashleigh Brilliant

One of the downsides of the holiday season is how quickly it seems to pass. Parties to attend, presents to shop for and wrap, out of town guests to entertain and clean up for all the festivities. We rush and we toil and we spend time doing many things for people outside our homes. Giving our time is generally a positive experience if we see our energies blessing other people. But, what happens when our reserves our depleted and those we love most, our immediate family, get the short end of the stick? For too many holidays, when my daughter has danced in “The Nutcracker” and my son has had hockey games all over Maine, we’ve spread ourselves too thin. We go from one event to the next, barely catching our breath and chugging coffee to just get us to the point in which we can come home and collapse. It leaves our home celebrations to be low-key affairs. Low-key isn’t necessarily a negative thing, if that’s what we intend. But, if our time together is sporadic and exhausted, then our family holiday interactions will be grumpy and distracted.

This year, I’ve made a conscious effort for our family to remain cognizant of our time together, and to place our priority on one another, rather than on all the many choices pulling us apart. Now that my children are older, and my daughter goes to school out of state, this goal is even more difficult…but, it’s also never been more important. Our time together is precious and finite. I am both grateful for, and honored by, the fact that our teens have wonderful friends with whom they like to spend time. But, I’m also thankful when they want to spend time with us. I want to make these moments ‘count’. It’s tricky, however, to find the balance between actually making a difference in the time we spend together, and forcing it down their throats with “enforced family togetherness”, telling to them to “like it or else !”. Most parents of teens know that ‘togetherness’ is often a double-edged sword: we do spend time together, but the kids are straining to pull away. Or, the whole situation feels “forced”.

This is one of the reasons why I’ve taken a step back on my approach to family time. No more forced togetherness, no more “you will do this and like”…just figuring out what makes each of us “tick” and finding a way to feed that sense of enjoyment. For many families, board games are a great way to relax and have fun. In our family, however, competitiveness rears its ugly head too often over Monopoly or Sorry. My kids have even argued over spinning the dreidel! When my daughter was very young, we used to have the stack the deck playing “Candyland", or else there was hell to pay. She have to get “Queen Frostine” as a card she drew. That aside, my family loves to play cards. Everything from Pitch to Hearts to Poker to Spit, our family loves to use card games as times to laugh and enjoy ourselves. One of the aspects that I’ve enjoyed most about having ‘big kids’ now, is that they come home from school or camp or hockey trips having picked up new card games. For an evening that teen gets to be the ‘teacher’ and everyone gets to learn the new games they’ve picked up on the road. We have never made pronouncements, such “Now, Josh will teach us the game he learned in Quebec”. We just let the experiences unfold.

For my family, unwrapping a new deck of cards is a conversation starter. When we take a new set out of the box, it gives someone an excuse to say “Let me show you how to play International!”. It’s one of the reasons my mother in law gives us cards every holiday season. Each set is different, and I can remember different holidays by the different decks we’ve used. As we begin to play a new game, I realize how much my children have grown, and how much I enjoy learning from them. But, I can also still sink back into the memories of their small childhood, and the very first time I taught them how to play Crazy Eights and Uno. I remember seeing the wonder on their faces when they were down to one card and proudly called out “Uno !” the first time. Playing cards, for us, may bring out competitiveness, at times, but with cards in hand, it also seems to be a good time to talk…as we pick up and lay down cards, I can hear about their ideas, their thoughts, and what’s made them laugh lately.

So, this holiday season, take some time to play a game, one that has everyone sitting down at the same place, in the same time, but with the same frame of mind. For those reluctant family members, sit down with whomever you can grab. I’ll guarantee that, when the feet-dragger sees how much fun you’re having, he’ll want to join in too. Most of all, just enjoy the conversation that flows from your game.

But, don’t be too proud to stack the deck, if needed.

December 4th

It’s my birthday ! 43 years ago today, my mom and I met for the first time. I get a wonderful picture when I think of that image ! In any case, I happen to love birthdays. Please don’t misunderstand: I have rarely had perfect birthdays. Several milestones were spent alone in my dorm rooms. I was very ill for another. My husband, who is a truly good man, is simply missing the “holiday gene” in his personality. But, despite rotten days, and disappointments, I still get giddy over the fact that December 4th has rolled around again. I think that, even on the forgotten years, it’s still given me an opportunity to think “I’m here ! I’m alive !” with a new sense of appreciation at the blessing of life itself. It breaks my heart that birthdays are the one of the leading days to commit suicide, second only to Christmas. I truly believe that, no matter what, we have been gifted with the honor of our very selves, and to be able to internally appreciate that, is the biggest blessing a birthday can bring. Yes, it’s nice to receive a card or some flowers, and it’s definitely a joy to not have to cook for an evening. I do like to feel appreciated, of course. But, waking up this morning, knowing that I’d completed 43 years on this planet gave me a sense of awe and thankfulness to just be ‘here’, right now. Being alone on a birthday isn’t the worst thing in the world. Not “being” at all would be far worse.

I look at birthdays the way many people feel on New Year’s: as a chance to begin again, to start fresh, to release bad habits and pick up new ones. I think it’s much more fitting, on a birthday, to begin anew because, after all, it’s our own personal ‘new year’. Every December 4th, I take stock in what I’ve done well in the past year…and honestly look at where I’ve made mistakes. I try to look back without judgment and figure out ways in which I can improve. This reflection may include everything from keeping track of finances to organization to the vast amounts of coffee I consume. And, while this year, my level of organization doesn’t seem to have improved, and my coffee habit seems to be worse, I can look at the methods I tried and remind myself not to repeat them. Thomas Edison once wrote “I haven’t failed. I’ve simply found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” I love that philosophy, and I am inspired by that sentiment. I can look at different ways to try to achieve my goals, and stop wasting time berating myself over not having done so sooner. By taking time to reflect on what I’ve done well, and where I can improve, I can make my birthday not only meaningful to myself, but to those I live with, as well. I try to take time out of my day to build a bridge, mentally, between my past year, and the year ahead, setting my goals as I go.

An excellent Yoga asana along these lines is Bridge Pose. Bridge brings you up onto your shoulders, placing all your weight balanced between your feet and shoulders. Bridge is excellent for clearing the mind and maintaining focus. It also happens to be a fantastic shoulder strengthener. I offer Bridge Pose in my classes towards the end of the class, after we’ve worked very hard, but before our relaxation time. Metaphorically, the asana offers yoginis time to reflect and allow their bodies and minds to wind down. Physically, it has many of the same attributes. When I teach my Restorative Yoga class this evening, I’ll be inviting my students to use this asana to help slow down the breath, quiet the mind, and gain strength in both.

While I wish I could offer pearls of wisdom on being 43 years old, I can only offer up my own confusion that I simply don’t feel like a grown up yet. I realize how very much I have yet to learn, to do and to experience. I also realize how incredibly blessed I’ve been…not only in the good things that have happened along the way, but in the lessons I’ve learned from the trying times most of all. We don’t learn in ease, but in overcoming adversity, according to Helen Keller. I hope that I have many years in which to learn !

And, just one final tip: send your mom flowers your birthday. Thank her for getting you here safely !

"Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality. " Erich Fromm

Present Presents

The holiday rush is upon us. I am amazed at the sales and deals to be had this holiday season. It seems as if almost every television commercial, radio ad, or flyer in the mail has to do with slashing prices on gifts for the whole family. I have talked to a number of people who got up as early as 4 am to be at the sales when the store doors opened on “Black Friday”. In this troubled economy, it’s not surprising that even more people than usual hit these ‘door busters’ the day after Thanksgiving. Our budget, like many, is stretched to the limit, and finding ways to save money on gifts is definitely important to me. However, whether we’re living in “bull” or “bear” markets, buying Christmas presents can tend to take on a life of its own. We get enticed by quantity over quality, and a great deal, rather than a great match. In our fear of ‘ruining Christmas’, we overspend, we overextend our stress levels and we buy too many things. Package after package comes home, and we don’t even realize that these impulse buys have taken on a life of their own. My worst habit is buying gifts early, when I see something that’s ‘perfect’, but then forgetting I have it stocked away, only to buy another item. Christmas can easily go overload…even for the best of bargain hunters and least materialistic, we can find ourselves surrounding by ‘stuff’. Yet, the ‘stuff’ doesn’t necessarily mean the perfect gift.

So, what is the perfect gift for someone ? Does such a thing even exist ? Or, is it a myth ? I do believe that presents we buy or we make with great intention are far more meaningful than throwing yet another thing onto the cart in the check out aisle. Being present in your purchasing (or in your creating) can make a phenomenal difference in how you ‘do’ the holidays. Instead of being so focused on ‘getting it now’, take some time to really analyze the person you’re gifting. Think of their loves, their tastes, their passions, their sense of humor and their dreams. Try to take your own ego out of the equation. There may well be a gift you think is hilarious or just amazing, but if it doesn’t fit that loved one’s OWN sense of self, then who is the gift really for ? Is it for you…to make you feel good, or is it meant to be meaningful for someone else. All too often we let our egos and our own personalities dictate what other people receive. This isn’t a crime, but it does show a lack of thoughtfulness because it means that our taste is “right”. It’s not about the other person. It’s about us. So, in honoring your giftees, think about them, and what makes them tick. Quite literally imagine yourself in their skin…how do you feel? Be fully aware and fully present in each decision you make about gifts. Don’t shop impulsively, and try not to do too much all at once.

Frenzied shopping is rarely thoughtful. Mountains of gifts can be daunting, and yet, that one simple gift, that shows our love and deep connection with another person, can mean a great deal to them. One year, I made my friend, Tammie, chocolate covered strawberries. I have never felt so blessed by anyone’s response to a present. I truly thought of her, what she would like, and tried to imagine her reaction. This was not an expensive gift to make, but as I made them, I remembered our conversations about her love of these treats, and I felt honored that her reaction was so heartfelt and real. Because of that experience, I have tried to truly imagine how another person feels when I pick out a gift for them. I remember memories we’ve shared and think of ideas that really seem to ‘click’. This isn’t to say I hit the mark every time! But, by being fully cognizant, less rushed and more thoughtful, we can truly make a difference in the way our presents are received.

In Yoga, we call to mind living in the present moment and honoring those around us. At the conclusion of every yoga class I teach, I wish my students “Namaste”, which loosely translated means “I honor the light within you”. I encourage my students to honor one another with this same greeting. Like “Aloha” or “Shalom”, it can be said “coming or going”. But, in honoring one another as we leave, we also honor the experience we have just shared and we call to mind being fully present for the rest of our day. Imagine cultivating that kind of thoughtful intention throughout our lives!

And, so as you begin the holiday shopping rush, take time to slow down. Appreciate those you love, and “honor the light within them”. Namaste.

(The wonderful Shiva Rae concluding a class with Namaste...)

The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention. ~ Richard Moss