Cain and Abel...what's a mother to do?

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

In my theology course, we're slowly making our way through the Old Testament this term. Although many of the Biblical stories are familiar to me, I find that I'm reading these words with a new awareness. So much of the mythic qualities of the Bible tend to become "Jungized" in our minds; we lose track of the specifics of the tales and remember the archetypal symbols. As I read through the 4th chapter of Genesis, in preparation for my weekly presentation, I read Cain and Abel's story in a completely different way than I had as a child. I read the story with a mother's heart. That one brother would 'rise up and kill' another over petty jealousy is among a mother's worst nightmare.

At no point in the Genesis account of God's dealing with the first case of sibling rivalry is Eve mentioned. Eve, mother of both Cain and Abel, must have been heartbroken. One son lies dead, murdered by his own brother. The other brother is exiled from his home to go to "the Land of Nod" with only an ambiguous reference to a "mark" as protection. How did Eve handle this dramatic and devastating turn of events? What did Adam do? How do parents get over the loss of both of their children in one day? In the Biblical account, Adam and Eve are not featured players. Their only mention was by way of introduction in telling us who the boys' parents were. But, we know nothing about their parenting, if the boys had always argued over which sea to part or who received a bigger portion at dinner. The fact is, Cain and Abel are born....and because God shows favor to Abel, he is murdered. No serpent is needed to play the sly 'idea planter'. No rationale is given to us, other than Cain's jealousy. We are left in the dark about the boys' childhood, about the events leading up to our culture's first murder and to the family reaction. This would not make an easy case to be built on C.S.I. Too many of the details are missing.

Although she is not mentioned, other than having 'known' her husband and giving birth to a 'male child', Eve must have gone through an unimaginable time of loss. Because the Bible is based on oral tradition, having been told around nomadic campfires for millennia before it was written down, I can't help but be certain that the storytellers, who perpetuated this piece of the Genesis puzzle, were exclusively male. Every woman I know would want more details. There isn't a mother alive who would be willing to simply look at the larger picture, taking the life lessons from the story, and moving on, without wondering how Eve felt and what she did. I can only imagine her complete sense of disillusionment with God's Creation. Men may be able to gloss over these losses, but women need to cry, to talk through the situation and to ask themselves what they could have done differently. Eve must have felt like a failure: first, she gets her husband and herself kicked out of the Garden of Eden (her dream home), and then settling in the wilderness, gives birth to two boys, without an epidural or a baby shower. When the boys begin to fight, Eve has no idea what to do. There is no parenting support group. She doesn't have a mother to call to say "Ma, these boys are driving me crazy!". When the worst happens, and her life is torn apart yet again, it is difficult for me to imagine her turning to God for help. He seems to be done with her. What's Eve to do next?

Sibling rivalry is never easy for a parent. In my own case, it came as a complete shock to me. Because I'm an only child, I harbored fantasies about having siblings and how much fun it would be. I imagined that we would always play nicely together, and that there would always be someone to talk to. It never occurred to me that brothers and sisters would fight. Having two children almost exactly two years apart, I imagined my two being best friends forever. I thought about how they would go apple picking, go to the beach, go bike riding and even share books. I dreamed that they would call each other, as they got older, almost daily, and share a unique bond because they share my husband's and my DNA. Reality is different from fantasy, isn't it? While I am thankful that my children do not harbor the "Cain and Abel" syndrome of extreme sibling jealousy, I can say that there have been hostile words, shoving hands, nasty comments and death stares across the table. There have been car rides that turned into cage matches. There have been items chucked across the room that were never intended to be used as weapons. In short, life with siblings hasn't been perfect. Although they played well as young children, by the time they hit middle school, war had been declared and battle lines had been drawn. What my children failed to understand is that every harsh word, every time they excluded their brother or sister, each nasty action broke my heart just a little bit. They believe that their relationship is between them...and only them. They do not fathom that the way the treat each other reflects on how I've tried to mother them: to be loving, kind, generous and courageous. I did not raise them to be petty, snarky, vindictive or rude. In the words of Andy Warhol "I just want everybody to like everybody".

Interestingly, during our discussion on this topic in divinity class, I was the only student to wonder about Eve. I am also the only mother actively parenting two children. The majority of the discussion centered around motivation, weapons and the impact on civilization. These are all noble, fascinating and interesting topics of conversation. They're clearly more common than my own ponderings as to whether or not Eve used 'time out' with the boys or took away bird watching privileges. I wish I could meet Eve for coffee....in the years before the scene played out to its dire end. I wonder if she could have used a sympathetic ear, a mother's night out or some brainstorming strategies to get those boys to behave. I also wish I could pick her brain about being the mother of civilization as we know it. But, that might have to be a discussion for another time. In short, I wonder if Eve was as emotionally exhausted as most mothers are today. I wonder if she was surprised by Cain's vicious attack, or if she would have shook her head sadly and said, "I saw it coming, but there was nothing I could do."

Being a mother is challenging on the best of days. We love our children, and we want them to love each other. We hope that they will take the very best of the lessons we try to teach them and bring those out into the world. We do not expect them to behave like cranky, irresponsible, angry beasts. As we read any book, whether it's the Bible, or a popular piece of fiction, we read it with eyes that have come from experience. It's virtually impossible to separate our lives from our ways of interpretation. What is important to us in life will be the details we pick up the most on as we read. The Bible isn't any different in this sense: stories that speak to our hearts are the ones that resonate with us. As a mother of two, I found that my interpretation of Genesis 4 was radically different from that of my classmates. Perhaps that's one of the most fascinating aspects of education...what we bring into the classroom is what we can share with others.

While I'll never be able to encourage Eve to treat the boys evenly, and to build up their self-esteem in the ways in which each of her sons needed it most, I can relate to her 'untold' part of this story: that of a mother dealing with sibling rivalry. As my children have grown up, their conflicts are less pronounced and they even have fun together once again. I may still not like it when they bicker or pointedly ignore one another, but I do see an improvement that's come with maturity. I no longer have to referee the "I'm not touching you!" drama coming from the back seat of the car. But, I can still pray, encourage and hope for my son and daughter to establish a positive relationship as they get older.

At least, I won't have to pull over to the side of the road and seethe, "Nobody is ever to touch anybody again!".

Fail to plan...plan to fail.

I am the first person to admit that I am a dreadful planner. I have no idea what I need to do, where I need to go, and who I'm going to disappoint. The fact is, I tend to be a spontaneous person. I hate making reservations because it feels like a albatross laden commitment. I adore 'just happening' upon an unknown-until-now restaurant. There is something magical about the power of synchronicity that never fails to excite me. Some of the most extraordinary experiences I've had have been ones that have just been allowed to unfold on their own. I've met wonderful people, dove into brand new experiences (for which I had no time to become nervous) and experienced adventures without any sense of preparation of apprehension. I marvel at the twists and turns my paths will take, if I am open to any possibility.

While I think of myself as a free spirit, I certainly don't appear that way to others. I have a horrible feeling that, where I see a joie de vivre, others may see a carelessness. When I envision myself as extroverted and spontaneous, others may see as foolhardy and irresponsible. I have been open to exceptional adventures, simply by being in the right place at a specific moment. But, I have let others down. I have forgotten appointments, I have spaced out commitments and I have been impetuous when caution was merited. I have been disorganized, while trying to explain that my methods might "appear" to be unstructured but that there is order within the chaos. Few people actually buy that malarkey from me....and those are very close to me will call me on my lack of prior planning.

For the most part, I truly want to be more organized. I would prefer not to disappoint anyone I care about. I would love to know where every important item is when I need it. I would like to have a yearly calendar that I simply update every December for the following year. Numerous friends have tried to 'teach me' their systems but their methodology just gets lost in my creative process (otherwise known as laziness). I like to believe that I have an artistic temperament and that I need a certain amount of chaos to flourish for me to see the larger picture. I feel stifled when in the presence of someone overly regimented....such as the Queen of Order herself: Bree Van DeCamp from "Desperate Housewives". One area I find fascinating, as well as entertaining, about Bree is that the more she pulls in the reins of her scheduled perfection, the more her life begins to unravel. While I enjoy using that extreme as an example, I believe that deep down, I have a fear of the very same thing happening to me: if I structure my life, I will stifle myself and everything for which I'm responsible will fall apart.

The single area in which I have discovered the ideal balance is in my yoga classes. I teach 4 to 5 classes per week. Because I teach Ashtanga Yoga, I have created a rudimentary outline for the form the classes will take. My students find this to be extremely comforting because they are able to expect what general poses will come next. This outline also allows for a few spaces in which to 'add in' some new asanas to try. While I try to offer at least 4 new poses each month, these experimental times are still 'scheduled' within the framework of the traditions of our class. My students are able to prepare for a time to try poses that are far more challenging during these blocks, or far more restorative. We allow ourselves to be open to the possibilities that these new asanas will offer us, individually and as a group. There are some that are more successful than others...so successful that I will continue to develop our course design with these new poses to become a regular part of our day. There are others that bomb miserably, and all of us can't wait to be done with them forever.

I have begun to set more realistic goals for myself. I realize that I will never be a color coded system Mom. I may still lose track of an important paper or two. I will overlook a project I had been sure I'd get to. But, I plan on attacking my firm commitments more immediately. I believe that the sooner I am able to finish an assignment, the more quickly I will have to move onto the next train of thought I'm being pulled towards. By giving myself the idea of "no more procrastination", I may just be able to fulfill my responsibilities, while still having time to drift towards an art exhibit I was delighted to discover. Who knows? A more proactive me may still retain the same light heart.

I just hope I can remember where I left my shoes because I'm eager to get started.

Is life not a hundred times too short for us to stifle ourselves. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Wedding Belle Blues

My 15 year old daughter and I have fallen in love with a television show. TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress" is a journey with several women, each of whom is on a quest for the perfect wedding gown. Some of these brides will choose a slinky, sexy number. Others will want to look like a fairy princess, with yards and yards of train in the gown. Some brides will be contemporary, modern and simply chic, while others will want to evoke an old fashioned air of womanly loveliness. To find dresses to fit each of these women's taste and appeal, they head to Kleinfeld in New York, and try on a variety of gowns. There are more than 30 bridal consultants working at Kleinfeld, and each one of these "happiness specialists" may meet with upwards of a dozen clients per day. What always impresses me about these consultants is their ability to find what the bride dreams of in a gown, and then does her best to make that dream come true. Sometimes this means the consultants will suggest gowns that are of a different style, or more often, a different price range, than the bride came in desiring. This usually has positive results. The brides will be utterly overcome at seeing themselves as their "dream selves" emerge in the mirror's reflection. The show is pure escapist fantasy, but it's also great fun, watching brides find the dress that will make them feel the most beautiful.

There are other episodes that make me very sad. Kleinfeld only carries the most elegant in their selection of bridal gowns. I do have to admit that these are stunning examples of art. Yet, I'm overwhelmed by the prices on most of these dresses. Please do not misunderstand my intent: I am not criticizing the makers of these gowns, especially since an enormous amount of time and effort are necessary to create each magnificent piece. Still, I wonder about spending $30,000 on one dress....is it really necessary? The vast majority of brides are not J-Lo. They do not have tens of thousands of dollars to spend on their dream gown. And so, they go into debt in order to pay for a dress that they're positive will make them the most elegant bride in order to guarantee the happiest start to their marriages.

Little girls dream of wearing a long white dress, walking down the aisle on their fathers' arms, and hosting a lavish party. These are wonderful dreams that most of us have had. I can vividly remember dancing around with a white pillowcase on my head, carrying a potted fern, and pretending to walk up the aisle. These are magical ways that many girls use their imagination. Still, when that imagination runs wild, girls grow up and truly believe that without a gown by Vera Wang, or Pnina Tornai, their weddings, let alone their marriages, are doomed. I find this both immeasurably sad and deeply disconcerting. A wedding should be a beautiful celebration of the joining together of two lives. It shouldn't have to be a method of bankrupting a bride or her family just to have to particular look.

One of the nicest weddings I've ever attended was that of my parents. I was in the unusual position of being their flower girl. My mom bought her dress (and mine) off the rack in New York, and we didn't hear the words 'wedding consultant' once. My father had the food delivered from his business, and it was simple and elegant. Music was provided by family and friends and the focus on the outdoor picnic in our own yard was casual and joyful. Since few children can be in their parents' weddings, I was fortunate to be with them as they took their vows before their guests. Although they had been together for a number of years before their wedding, this public declaration of their commitment stayed with me all of my life. I never viewed a wedding as an end, but rather of a continuation of a life already shared, and a promise to be there for another person, regardless of the paths life would take. My parents created a lovely wedding for my husband and me 22 years ago, and I wouldn't have changed a thing. My mother made my gown, my father set a budget, and we created just as special a day for me to begin my married life, as they had created for themselves 20 years before. At no time did I feel short changed that I missed out on wearing a big name. I wore a stunning gown, stitched with love for over a year, and was far more proud to wear a "Mama" original, than one that had been reproduced hundreds of times. The emphasis on our wedding was on our life together, not on the extravaganza itself. I feel incredibly blessed to have been a lifelong witness to what a true marriage partnership looks like. I also feel honored to have been my parents' guest of honor at their wedding.

I still enjoy watching wedding shows on television. "Bridezilla" makes me want to cringe and run away at the horror of some women's dreadful behavior. "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" takes me into the fast paced world of a wedding consultant. Most of all, "Say Yes to the Dress" is simply great fun in a junky magazine sort of way. These programs are entertaining. They're not great art, but they don't need to be. I just hope the brides watching the programs understand that a wedding is far more than a dress...and a marriage is far more than a color scheme. Entertainment, imagination and daydreaming are delightful pastimes. They help us to dream big, to set goals and to create lives for ourselves. We just have to realize the method of how we make those dreams come true for ourselves says a great deal about our character. We need to set our intention to create the spirit inside our inner bride that will match our beautiful gowns. When we can behave the way in which we want to reflect, we'll have a much better chance of a successful marriage, than if we see our dresses as the only way to achieve beauty. We need to learn to 'act as we dress' and create lasting beauty that will far outreach our wedding day.

Women are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only when there is a light from within. ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

The Pursuit of Happiness

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin

All too often, in our culture, we wait for situations to conform to a specific outcome before we will allow ourselves to feel happy. We believe that the stars must be aligned. We wait for Mr. (or Ms.) Right to come along. We hope that our dream job will be offered to us, that the extra 20 pounds we're carrying around our middle will vanish or that we will move into our dream house. We desperately want to be seen as more valuable, more intelligent, more attractive and more successful. We just feel, in our heart of hearts, that if we can achieve these traits that lie just outside our grasp, that then, and only then, will we be happy.

I'm just as guilty of this as the next woman. I wish I were taller and thinner. I wish my hair didn't look quite so dreadful. I wish I were a much better cook. I wish my home looked just as perfect, at every moment, as if it were about to appear in an issue of Better Homes & Gardens. I wish I had more friends. I wish my writing was more insightful. I wish I were more intelligent, articulate, attractive and successful. Most of all, I wish that I wouldn't have all of these wishes. I wish I could feel absolutely complete and content without wishing.

When I had first read the quote by Benjamin Franklin, I was both inspired and more than just a

little intimidated. I have always enjoyed Mr. Franklin's wit and humor. I enjoyed his take on the 'Pursuit of Happiness' ideal set forth in the Constitution. Yet, I was also chastened. Did one of the most powerful thinkers of our nation's history truly mean for *me* to go catch my own happiness? Herein, lies the issue I felt immediately: I did not feel qualified to go chasing down my own happiness. What a frightening thought! I was meant to go take risks, endure possible humiliation and never, for certain, attain my dreams? What if I tried, with all my might and all my power, to grasp those 'wishes' and fell short? I was terrified beyond measure.

At this moment I learned something invaluable about myself: I was so stymied by my own fear of failure that I was going to allow happiness to pass me by. I discovered, sadly, that I was far more content to hold my wishes close and secret, than I was to try to chase them down and risk

losing them forever. A large part of me has always worried that, by naming what I wish for, and working to attain it, I will lose the possibility of that wish coming true. As long as I don't try for my dreams, then I won't be disappointed. In the meantime, I'm setting myself up for a lifetime of sitting around wishing, waiting, hoping and never taking a risk. I also realized that by not even trying, I am not allowing myself the moments of happiness and contentment that are to be found in everyday life.

Therefore, I plan to do a great deal more doing, and a great deal less dreaming. I plan to become more involved in own my life, and less of an observer. I plan to count my blessings more, and my difficulties less. I plan to love more, and criticize less. Above all, I plan to catch my own happiness....and wait for it less.

I just wish thinner thighs were a part of the bargain.

The Book of Lies

"....and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?" Genesis 4:8-9

Brad Meltzer's new novel, "The Book of Lies", is a roller coaster of emotion, fast paced action, and fascinating ideas. The story, which is one third Indiana Jones, another third Da Vinci Code,

and a third part pure invention, holds the reader's attention from the first chapter onward. The plot centers around a family saga regarding the weapon that Cain used to kill Abel that day in a jealous rage in the field. This is not a theoretical or folklore recitation of what might have taken place. Rather, it's the extraordinary journey that crosses religions, beliefs, and even all sense of time to find out not only if the weapon existed, but if such a tool could have survived to the present day. Additionally, the novel's protagonist hunts for keys to the real story of Cain and Abel. Could Cain have been

provoked? How was he marked following his confrontation with God? What more could there be to the story than the 4th Chapter of Genesis alludes to?

I have a passion for archeology. In college, I considered seriously switching my major from Developmental Psychology to Ancient Civilizations. I read Homer, Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. I studied Mesopotamian, Persian, Goth and Celtic lore. I wrote long essays on the Roman contribution to the western world, as well as passionate theories of the Library of Alexandria's potential contents. However, nothing captured my attention the way that Biblical archeology did. It was fascinating to learn more about the most likely sites for Moses to have received the Ten Commandments, for Joshua to have stopped the sun's progress in the sky to allow victory at Jericho and to learn the most likely hometown of Queen Esther. Biblical archeology is different from other types of reclaiming dig sites. Why? Because the results can be explosive. There are many belief systems that find the digging of possibly sacred sites to be disrespectful of the dead. There are others who believe that taking the Bible on faith is far more valuable than finding the preaching locations of the Prophet Isaiah or Jonah's Ninevah. Additionally, since most of the Middle East is fully settled into a modern, yet complicated and dangerous, society, there aren't as many dig sites as there could be. After all.....those steps of Isaiah could take the archeology team through someone's living room.

Yet, there persists a fascination with the ideas of linking the Bible to our lives today. What better way to do this than by collecting artifacts to prove the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah...or the Ark of the Covenant? "Indiana Jones & Raiders of the Lost Ark" captured my imagination. I was 15 when I first saw the film, and I don't believe that it's ever left me. The premise of the movie, that there truly still existed the original ornate box that the Hebrew people held the original Ten Commandments, sparked a lifelong connection to this specialized field. At one point in the movie, the villain tells Indiana Jones "to find the Ark is to find the hand of God." Looking at the story as a teen, I knew that, to hold something in my hand that was truly God given....would be the most exceptional experience of my life. Although I have never been to the Holy Land, I can easily imagine

walking around the Pyramids, exploring the hills near Jericho, looking at the Dead Sea's depths, wandering through Bethlehem and walking the Via de la Rosa in Jerusalem. It would be similar to walking in the footsteps of giants. I could only hope but imagine that I, too, was walking over the same ground that held Abraham, Isaac, Jospeh, Moses, Ruth, Daniel and Jesus. I can imagine the heady feeling of coming across a place, or an artifact, that truly belonged to these Biblical figures.

Still, do Biblical artifacts have a place in faith? One only has to look at the Medieval practice of selling 'relics' for forgiveness of sins to know that there is the potential for terrible abuse.In the Middle Ages, the selling of slivers of the "True Cross", bones of the saints, scraps of cloth belonging to the Disciples or bits of earth from the Holy Land were common place. People purchased both as penance and as 'good luck charms'. It was believed that these small relics could heal the sick, and even protect against the Plague. When the Protestant Reformation began, one of the key points to the arguments presented by men, like Martin Luther, was the wholesale trade of these counterfeit archaeological finds. Since then, proof has been shown that some saints' bones were really belonging to dogs and cats, and that the wood supposed to be the actual Cross of Christ was not only European, but probably not even old at the time of the sale to an unsuspecting buyer.

This brings us back to "The Book of Lies": does there need to be a weapon found for this story to have merit? Do we need incontrovertible proof of its existence? There is a fascinating with Cain and Abel...not only were they the first alleged siblings to humankind, but also the first murderer and murder victim. To find the weapon used in such a slaying would be ground breaking. It would answer questions, and give insights into the 'prehistoric' time in which the brothers existed. Still, is the story any less meaningful if we can't reconstruct the crime scene, as they do on CSI? Biblical archaeologists, theologians, scientists and historians have been arguing this question for years, and will continue to do so for decades. I believe that these archaeological digs provide us with fascinating views of Ancient Civilization. Having been to Pompeii, and walked on the avenues, experiencing how the Ancient Romans lived, I know that these spectacular finds can be edifying and educational at the same time. Yet, would finding a relic, like Cain's weapon, make, or destroy, my faith? Unlikely in either scenario. I believe that science, history and faith can all walk hand in hand. The thought that Troy was myth, only to proven in the last century, is the point that there is indeed fact within unproven story.

We take study the sites we have discovered. We can look at amazing finds in museums. We can learn from the Bedouins today how life may have been similar to those in Biblical times. But the rest? We just have to take on faith and ask ourselves what lessons can be learned.

A Comedy of Errors

How often is it that we use expressions for which we have lost the original meaning and context? The back story to this often-used slang, meaning, "Everything went so wrong that it had to be funny...." is actually the title of one of William Shakespeare's earliest plays, about two sets of identical twins. The play is not his best or most well known work, but it certainly spawned a cultural significance Shakespeare couldn't have foreseen. The truth is, a mediocre play became a household name. No one remembers the characters, the plot, the setting or even who penned the phrase! Yet, it remains an idiomatic expression in other languages besides English. That, alone, makes "A Comedy of Errors" quite ironic...and quite fitting. Considered to be a flop, how is it that even people who aren't English majors use the term for a ridiculously bad day?

We have all had dreadfully comedic days. Days that the car breaks down when we're late for an important event that we didn't want to attend in the first place. Or that we lock the keys in it. On one memorable occasion, I actually accidentally locked my keys in the car, with the car RUNNING, and my babies strapped into their car seats in the back seat. My son was 2 1/2 and my daughter was 4 months old. I was sleep deprived, emotional and forgetful. I'd forgotten my purse, and my reflex was to hit the automatic locks on the door as I got out of the car. My emergency set? In the car with the kids! Thankfully, my husband was only working ten minutes away at the time and reachable by phone. But, those ten minutes seemed to last forever. The only option was to break a window. The irony? This was our new car, not our old one, and to keep within our budget, we chose to eliminate the window coverage from our car insurance to save some money. While waiting for Jeff to arrive home, I was walking around the car, peering into see the baby sound asleep, and Josh waving at me, wearing his full firefighter regalia (a big stage for toddler boys). I was in a tearful panic by the time Jeff realized he couldn't shimmy open a window. When we were able to "rescue" the children, our son was giggling beyond measure, and our daughter was still sound asleep, lulled by the car engine. Josh told me, "Mama! You so funny! Let's do that again!". My horror was my toddler's amusement.

This episode proved to me that, at our worst times, we have to find ways to laugh. During those days that the washing machine floods the basement when you have weeks' worth of loads to do, or the dog throws up on the rug minutes before guests arrive, seeing the humor in life's comedy of errors can not only take the edge off of anxiety and stress, but can actually help you solve your problems more creatively. During my Yoga teacher training, I was required to take at least 3 classes in every Yoga discipline. This led to me to a great variety of styles, theories, stratagems and beliefs. From sweltering Bikrahm Yoga (practiced in a 100 degree, or more, studio) to Kundalini Yoga (which involved chanting words that made no sense, and made me uncomfortable), I tried my hand at gathering as much experience and knowledge as I could. Some of these classes broadened my knowledge by helping me to learn and grow as both teacher and student. Others simply taught me which styles of Yoga I did *not* want to practice. The most entertaining of these outside courses was "Laughing Yoga". The premise behind this discipline is " joy is your unconditional commitment to have fun from within, regardless of outside conditions." Initially, I had no idea how I would accomplish this! And yet, it was just like the popular You Tube video: once one person got going in nonsensical laughter, during a depressing, oppressive commute, the whole train joined in. The Yoga class was much the same way. I was worried that I wouldn't 'get' the class...that I would be dreadful, that I would make a fool out of myself and that I would manage to practice in the "wrong way". Yet, it changed my perspective, and I found the most extraordinary sense of joy and silliness inside of my anxieties.

If we look at our lives with a sense of humor, we can improve our health. That's an amazing thought, isn't it? Countless medical studies have shown that laughter, in the midst of trial, can bring us an improved immune system, boost our metabolism, help lower our blood pressure

and even reduce our need for medications. Therefore, when I'm under stress, when I'm late, when I'm worried about something, when a situation is far out of my control, I try to see beyond the silver lining; I try to see the comedic lining. In doing so, I not only improve my own health and my own perspective, but I'm sure the people around me are glad that I'm not being snarky over my troubles. Additionally, when you laugh, it's amazing how much the answers to these problems just seem to materialize in your brain. Once you get over "yourself" and take your situation out of the mix, it's exceptional how these issues seem to resolve.

At the very least, you will have a far better time looking at life as a "Comedy of Errors" rather than a tragedy of epic proportions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jedd2FiZTqM

And lead us not into temptation...

"How oft the sight of the means to do ill deeds makes ill needs done."

~ William Shakespeare, The Life and Death of King John

For most church goers, a standard part of the service is reciting the Lord's Prayer. Regardless of whether one asks that our trespasses or our debts be forgiven, we humble ask God for redemption. We entreat Him to meet our daily needs, and we ask that our will be in congruence with God's. Most of all, we beg God's favor by leading us away from temptation and evil. This beloved prayer has been translated into more than 170 languages. If there is a Bible, there is the Lord's prayer, taught to Jesus' disciples, instructing them in the best way to pray. Far too many of us take this prayer as a memory verse, simply mumbling along with the rest of the congregation, as we speak these words from Matthew's gospel. Others expect it to be a magic spell....reciting it will make all our problems go away, in those people's hopes. Yet, what I feel about the Lord's prayer isn't so much the word for word scripture recitation. Rather, it's the meaning behind the words. The intention wasn't for us to use this prayer as a "get out of jail free" card. It was not the prayer itself, as beautiful as it is...it was the method in which Jesus was asking us to open to our hearts to something bigger, something more valuable and something humbling.

Although I plan to write further on this, the one line I'd like to focus on for this piece is "And lead us not into temptation...." That's a very tricky one, isn't it? We implore a higher power not to take us to places in which we will be tempted into making mistakes, into hurting ourselves or others, into feeding bad habits. For each one us, the place of temptation is different, and temptation itself wears many different faces. In the life of a woman struggling with food addiction, the sight of the supermarket candy aisle might be her worst temptation. For a man dealing with the crisis of wanting a cigarette, being in his old spot in which he'd smoke, or being with friends who are smokers, can be an intoxicating lure. These temptations carry with them life threatening consequences. The first case could be facing high blood pressure, diabetes, angina and many other physical ailments. The latter could be facing lung cancer, emphysema and stroke. The temptations for these cases could literally take their lives, and have done so, in far too many cases.

What about those of us who are tempted in ways that aren't visible? What if we are tempted to brag about our lives to people around us, puffing up ourselves in self-importance, making those to whom we speak feel badly about themselves? What if we are desperately want to keep shopping, buying things we don't need and can't afford, just to look a certain way? What if are tempted to do a mediocre work related project, only expending the bare minimum of effort, when our clients are expecting our full attention? What about gossiping with our neighbors regarding the new family who just moved in? What about the ways we sink into bad habits that destroy our sense of value, our belief in excellence, our humility, our friendship and our honor? I believe that we can call on the God of our beliefs all we want, begging for His mercy for our many faults. But, if we lead *ourselves* astray, are we really allowing ourselves to be led away from temptation? I believe we can be our own worst enemies, and can invite temptation into our lives, even while giving lip service to asking it to be removed from our hearts and minds.

What do we do next? We know we have one stumbling block...how do we overcome it? In Matthew 5:30, Jesus writes, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away from you." Should we actually maim the body parts that cause us to walk right into the behaviors, or thoughts, we don't wish to have? Of course not. We would all be blind, deaf and unable to walk or hold items in our hands if this were the literal case. Metaphorically, however, I do believe we can take a great deal of meaning from these words from Matthew. If something isn't working in your life, if a behavior pattern is unhealthy, unproductive, lazy, or unkind, we need to find ways to remove any triggers from our lives. We're addicted to junk food? Do not buy it. Do not bring it in the house. We want to quit smoking? Don't be around smokers at all. Obviously, gain assistance from professionals in mastering these behaviors, but the first step is telling ourselves that we are not going to be our own enablers. Shopaholics? Take 60, or even 30, days and buy *nothing* but food. Don't purchase so much as a pair of socks. When catalogs come, through them in the trash. If we receive an email that a great sale is going in a store we love, delete the email without reading it. Don't allow yourself to say "Well, I'll just see what they have....", and set yourself up to place an order. Gossiping? When your friend wants to badmouth a mutual acquaintance, politely change the subject, or simply have to get off the phone. Laziness? Just do the work entrusted to you to do....make no excuses, and set yourself up for success by creating plans of attack for any project. Sometimes looking at too big a picture can throw our best intentions into sloth. Just create one goal and a time and do your best in every goal.

In Yogic tradition, a Zen master wrote, "In the spiritual life, the most important,

significant and fruitful thing is self-control. No self-control, no self-realisation." How similar this idea is to the meaning behind not giving into temptation, but becoming something higher...someone more committed to living the life we are capable of living. How easy it is to give into temptation! How difficult it is to say, "No. I'm choosing a different way." The truth is, temptation exists in all cultures, in all circumstances and in all lives. We each have different areas in which we stumble. But, for the rest our lives, we can choose to remain on the ground, having given in and surrendered to our worst faults. Or, we can acknowledge that life isn't about how many times we mess up, or how many times we fail, or if buy that candy bar, or we buy shoes we don't need. It's about all the times we apologize to those we've wronged. It's about learning from our mistakes. It's about finding ways to help ourselves succeed. It's about walking the course slowly and methodically, achieving our destination with honor....not about getting to the finish line first, pushing others out of our way or using bad habits to help make the race easier.

When you find yourself sliding into those temptations, don't cut off your hand: place it in the hand of someone else. Find something worthwhile for that hand to do that's completely different from your problem area. In overcoming our own temptations, you may just discover that you find yourself helping someone else. Isn't that what it's all about?