Beauty and the Beast

People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But, I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you *are* the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have dared not to look, including inside ourselves. ~ Salma Hayek

In college, I was assigned an essay to write, expounding upon the dangers that fairy tales play to young girls, and the development of their self-esteem. I began this paper with trepidation. The fact was, and is, that I truly enjoyed fairy tales growing up. When I daydreamed about having children of my own someday, I looked forward to sharing fairy tales with them, reading aloud in a cozy chair in front of a roaring fire. I stared at my typewriter (as these were the days before computers) and the words simply didn't come to me, as they had so effortlessly in every previous assignment. I reread the tale of Grimm's Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Rapunzel. I picked up Hans Christian Anderssen's The Little Mermaid, The Princess & the Pea, The Ugly Duckling and the Little Match Girl for another reading. I translated "La Belle et la Bête" by Mme. Gabrielle-Suzanee Barbot de Villeneuve, the original French tale of Beauty and the Beast. In the end, I learned several important points, despite my inherent love for fairy tales:

1. Youth is considered the only beauty, and older willing are willing to kill for it.
2. Women should be willing to trade everything they possess for a man to solve their problems.
3. Youthful beauty is the only tool in which to ensnare these men.

Thankfully, my professor was incredibly creative, and she allowed me to rewrite several famous fairy tales, bringing about a more realistic and empowering story to young girls, rather than simply drafting yet another 'rage against the machine'. In her own way, my professor was able to empower me to do just what she had hoped the heroines in the stories would do: find their own solutions to the problems facing them, in a creative and alternative manner.

Needless to say, I did not ban fairy tales from my home, when I became a mother. But, this course, taken years earlier, did teach me the inherent dangers that do lie in exposing our daughters to too much of an onslaught to their self-esteem. As I began to grow older myself, I began to wonder "Am I still attractive?", "Do I still feel beautiful? and "What does beauty really mean?". Feeling lovely, inside and out, is very important to most women. A healthy dose of self-esteem in one's appearance can boost morale, which can boost confidence in work and in life. A women who feels beautiful can also feel that she has the chutzpah to ask her boss for a raise, to feel confident in taking that vacation she's always dreamed of, or even to start her own business. Feeling beautiful doesn't mean looking like a Super model. How many of us are 6' tall and weigh 115 pounds? Not many. And, yet, feeling beautiful in how you appear to others, and most important, what you see when you look in the mirror, can be extremely important. How we feel on the outside can reflect how we feel on the inside....and the converse is also true. How many times have you met a woman, who may not look like Christie Brinkley, but who exudes such loveliness, she radiates?

Two of the women who, I believe, most exemplify this idea are Dame Judi Dench and Queen Latifah. It is my humble opinion that they are two of the most beautiful women I can imagine. Dame Judi Dench has the most wonderful style. She is not afraid of her age. She embraces it and uses her wisdom, her wit, her courage and her vast intelligence to her advantage. No "Wicked Aging Queen" for her! She is the epitome of a stylish, savvy and exceptional one. And, a very beautiful one at that. Dame Judi Dench has made over 40 extremely chic. She has helped to redefine youth not being the measuring stick of beauty.

Additionally, Queen Latifah has broken down so many barriers. She is not the first African American Cover Girl, but she certainly is the first plus size one. Do her curves detract from her undeniable allure? Absolutely not! They enhance her aura of glamour. Queen Latifah's talent is evident in every syllable she utters, on every red carpet she walks, and in her beautiful laugh. In her performance in "Chicago', she was appearing with two stunning female co-stars, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Renee Zellwegger. All three women had very different styles and all three gave amazing performances. Yet, Queen Latifah's curves, and comfort within those curves, gave me a sense of such dynamic beauty that defied the conventional definition.

As I've grown older and wiser, the story of "Beauty and the Beast" has become clearer to me, in my own understanding. I can take the fairy tale at face value. Or, I can dig deeper to see that, for many of us, the Beast is not a monster that will turn into a Handsome Prince, if we only kiss him. The Beast can also be what lies within us....our own foibles, our own fears, the blockages we put in to sabotage our own self-esteem. The Beast, in my case, can be looking in the mirror and only seeing my thighs. The Beast, for others, could be seeing a different face than the one we viewed twenty years ago. The Beast can be everything we don't like about ourselves, inside and out.

And, yet, we can tame the Beast that lies within. We can find the beauty that only comes from experience, from the giving of ourselves to others and to finding the wisdom that lies within us. We can exercise, eat healthfully, and dress our bodies in ways that best suit our lifestyle. We can smile more, and frown less. We look for the beauty in the world around us, in our families and friends, in inspiring books and organizations and in nature and art. As we look for beauty, we can find that we reflect it, as we are at this very moment, no matter what our age, color, size, shape or physical attributes.

Beauty is, as beauty does. Don't allow 17 year old runway models to define your definition of beauty. Create your own definition and run with it.

This Little Light of Mine...

When my teenagers were little, we had Raffi tapes in our car playing every single time we rode anywhere longer than 5 minutes away. For readers unfamiliar with Raffi, he was the ROCK STAR to the under 5 year old set from the late 1980's to the new millennium. When my son was 2, he would pick up his grandfather's ukulele and pretend to be singing "Baby Beluga", and was very serious about putting on concerts. Raffi's songs were always fun, sometimes silly, and surprisingly catchy, especially for sleep deprived parents with two children under the age of 3. We were able to drive from Maine to Boston, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and New York, melt down free. As long as they could sing, and wiggly dance in their car seats, we considered it a successful trip. To this day, I can sing every word to "Over in the Meadow", "The More We Together" and "Mr. Sun"...with an automatic reflex to turn around and hand out small cups of dry Cheerios and Goldfish crackers.


But, one of the children's favorites on our tape was "This Little Light of Mine". Although not a Raffi original, this has always been one of my favorite spiritual songs. Sweet in its simplicity, "This Little Light of Mine" crosses all boundaries of religion, beliefs and race. Although not written during the time of slavery, "This Little Light of Mine" became an anthem of the Civil Rights Movement in the mid-1900's. The refrain is:

This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna to let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine,
Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shine!


"Letting our light shine" is a common theme in many religious and cultural traditions. In Christianity, it can be equated with the Holy Spirit's shining within us in love and peace. In Buddhism, it can signify enlightenment. Judaism denotes light in many ways: from Chanukah's festival of lights to the recent, magnificent Celebration of the Sun. According to Hindu tradition, shining our inner light "is seen to be permeating all of existence, the universal substance of all form, inner and outer, pure consciousness". Light cuts across boundaries, and literally shines upon the pure, the lovely and the truth. In 1st John in the New Testament, the apostle speaks of "walking as children in the light". What a beautiful image that is! Letting our own prejudices and areas of discomfort aside, to simply walk in divine light, allowing it to shine upon us, and within us, wherever we go is an exceptional vision. Imagine if we could live our lives, always allowing that light to shine...both inside and out! Love, joy, peace, compassion, childlike fun, friendliness and every positive attribute can shine over us, and from us, at all times!

The next stanza of "This Little Light of Mine" contains the repeating phrase, "Don't let anyone blow it out! I'm gonna let it shine!". While the tune is still bouncy and catchy, the words are far more serious. How often in life do we allow our circumstances to "blow our light out"? When we are tired, overworked, stressed, anxious, heartbroken, betrayed, burdened or grief-stricken, it's awfully hard to keep that light shining. When another person snaps at us, criticizes us or speaks ill of us to others, our light can dim to the point of being blown out. We find ourselves depleted. Our spark may be extinguished out in one massive blow, or it could take many little 'puffs' of disappointment, hurt and negativity. But, somehow, that light shining within us is just as gone.

So, what can be do when our light has blown out? We can light it ourselves. We don't have to wait for another person's affirmation to light it. We don't need the approval of those who broke our hearts in the first place. We can find ways that feed our spirits on our own. Everyone has different ways to keep their light shining. For me, my wonderful Episcopal church helps kindle my light every week, as well as my Yoga practice, reading good books and playing with my animals. My friends are exceptional too...even though I only have a few friends living in my local area now, keeping in touch with those precious to me, always adds a spark of love to my day. I have one friend who has told me that her long runs and gardening are her 'medicine' to keeping her "light" going. Another finds that taking classes in the evening on completely random subjects that interest her (from sewing to book groups to Thai cooking classes) keeps her spark kindled by learning new things.

As a wife and a mother to teenagers, I'm often the light provider. I need my own ways of recharging my emotional and spiritual "batteries" to be there for my family. It's a bit like that old commercial in which the mother is sick, lying in bed with a horrible cold, and the family is all standing around, staring at her, perplexed, and saying "What do we do? Mommy always takes care of us?" All too often, we put ourselves last on the list for 'building up'. We support our partners, our co-workers, our children, our parents, our extended families and our friends. We shine our light by smiling, helping, loving, listening, laughing, praying and genuinely 'being there' for others. This is a wonderful piece of who we are, and we shouldn't stop ourselves from expressing this light. Yet, unless we remember to put "oil in the lamp", we will be without the light for everyone.


Find the light that works best for you and bask in it. Allow it to fill you up, and shine from your heart. Don't let anyone blow it out...you're going to let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine.

Walk like an Egyptian

I have long held a passion for Egyptology. When I was a girl, I couldn't get enough novels about Ancient Egypt, loved reading historical accounts, and imagined myself on an archaeological dig with Indiana Jones. I fancied standing at the base of the Sphinx, and gazing up at its magnificence. I wanted to visit the site of the former library of Alexandria. I pictured being in the presence of the Pyramids and exploring the Valley of the Kings. In short, I daydreamed about all the good, completely letting go of decades of war, inherent violence, slavery, Biblical plagues and political unrest. I simply pictured myself in a beautifully embroidered white tunic, eating dates under a canopy, while Egyptian music played in the background. In short, I imagined myself as a modern day Cleopatra. Not that being Cleopatra ended well for her, that is.

A book I just finished was an extraordinary glimpse into the imagined childhood of Cleopatra and her two half-sisters, Charmian and Iras. Jo Graham's insightful novel, "The Hand of Isis", was an extremely quick read. In less than a day, I felt as if I'd been able to visit with these three young girls, as they imagined their fates, and had been able to be a witness to their undying loyalty to one another as they grew up. Not only was this novel exceptionally entertaining, but since so little thoughts, even fictional ideas, have been written about the young Cleopatra, "The Hand of Isis" gives an intriguing, and entertaining, perspective as to what life might have been like for three sisters. While this book is very much a work of fiction, it also employs historical elements, and 'borrows' bits of the 'traditional' train of thought brought to us, mainly by William Shakespeare. It's my opinion that so much of the writing about Cleopatra has been from the perspective of the men in her life; her father, her brother, Julius Caesar, Mark Antony...even her son's name of Caesarion gives us a medical term that happened to Cleopatra: but was given in terms of the male influence. "The Hand of Isis", though a much shorter read, does for Cleopatra what Marion Zimmer Bradley was able to do with the fictional characters of Helen of Troy and Cassandra in "The Firebrand" (the retelling of the Iliad) and for Morgan le Fey and Guinevere in "The Mists of Avalon" (the retelling of the Arthurian legends). It's always fascinating to take an extremely well known story, and change its perspective. "The Hand of Isis" does just that...given us the women's point of view: not only Cleopatra's, but those of her sisters, as well.

In my Yoga classes, I try to balance the "yin" and the "yang" based poses in our practice. Many classes find themselves with a great deal of one, and very few of the other. Yin based poses are the ones most traditionally associated with men: Warrior I, II and III, Triangle, Crescent, Downward Facing Dog, Eagle, Camel, Saddle, Yogi Squat, Hero, using Ujaii breath and many others that are meant to strengthen one's body and stretch deeper into ones' joints. In Yin poses, we hold the strengthening pose for a longer period of time, and gain endurance. Yang poses are generally more meditative and restorative, yet they can also be evocative of the importance of the female dynamic. So, one may see Half Moon as a more dynamic yang pose, while others like reclining Goddess, Child's pose, Legs up the wall, Savasana, using Kumbhaka Pranyama breath retention, and others, are more restorative. The Yang poses are often inward focused. The Yin poses are outward focused. Therefore, a balance of the two is vital to a well balanced Yoga class. Sphinx pose is one of those special asanas that employs most Yin and Yang elements. The Yin requires back strength and flexibility. The Yang requires a peaceful breath pattern, and a sense of ease.

Wherever we find our passion lies, whether it's yoga, or books, or sports, or cooking, or politics or volunteering, it's always important to look for balance. If we allow our perspectives, and experiences, to be skewed to far in one direction, we will find ourselves without a sense of center. Additionally, we'll be unbalanced in our point of view. Looking at each area of our lives from 'another perspective' can be a life changing process. Of course, life is far more rich when we allow ourselves to have the broadest understanding and range of experiences.

So, take one area of your life, and investigate if you can explore this area from another vantage point. You never know: you may find yourself with some wonderful new insights in your entire being. If nothing else, enjoy the journey.


Yoga is invigoration in relaxation. Freedom in routine. Confidence through self control. Energy within and energy without. ~Ymber Delecto

Walking Meditations

One of the aspects I enjoy most about my work as a Yoga Instructor is the bringing together of Body, Mind and Spirit. I enjoy working with my students to help them in their own journeys of physical fitness and mindful inner growth. Yoga has been an incredible tool for my own life in helping to weave together these three threads of my own being. Therefore, the most wonderful part of my work is faciliating others in braiding together these three human components in their own lives. One method, in addition to Yoga practice, that has cropped up again and again in my life has been the method of "Walking Meditation" or "Prayer Walking". I have a dear friend who, as a outreach seeking Christian, attends Christian prayer walks frequently in her mission for Asia. I have another Yoga instructor friend, who has detailed her own prayer walks through the mountains. Walking meditations, I have discovered, are far more than one religious traditions method of praying or exercising. This dynamic, movement based spiritual growth technique cuts across religious beliefs, sacred traditions and personal comfort zones. There is not a right way, or a wrong way, to practice Prayer Walking. It is simply an avenue to bring together body and spirit in unity.

Carol Krucoff, in her article "A Spiritual Walk towards Fitness", writes, "Mother Theresa did it. Mahatma Ghandi did it. Spiritual teachers from John the Baptist to Martin Luther King did it. Prayer-walking, also known as "walking meditation," has been practiced by poets, philosophers and holy people from many religious traditions for centuries. Now this age-old discipline is experiencing a modern revival as stressed-out, harried Americans seek to commune with the divine while they shape up, enhancing fitness of body and soul." I love Ms. Krucoff's bringing together, so many of the great spiritual leaders of the past, and creating a relevant frame work in her review of a powerfully important book, "The Complete Guide to Prayer Walking" by Linus Mundy.

So, what exactly is prayer walking? Prayer walking can mean different things to different people. A prayer walk for some might simple be a stroll, either around one's neighborhood or on rural trails, in which we allow our minds to be open to the possibility of hearing the whispers of the Divine. It might be a time of active prayer, in which, as we walk, we pray for those in homes we pass or even for specific requests that are weighing heavy on our hearts. Praying walking can be done with a prayer 'agenda'...items in mind we'd like to pray for. Prayer walking can also be done as a way of releasing our stress, our nervous energy and our own sense of drama; by letting go of the things that are keeping us from feeling at peace, we can encounter a renewed sense of order in our lives. Prayer walking can be done alone, with a friend, or in a large group.

Sherri Ingram writes, "If you can walk and chew gum, you can walk and pray". The only things you need to bring with you on your prayer walk are a comfortable pair of walking shoes, and an open heart and mind. There are as many styles and ideas about prayer walking as there are walkers. I believe the best way to get started is to simple walk, breathing meditatively and purosely, relaxing body and mind. Intuitively, our minds will drift towards a subject, whether it's something in our own lives, or in the world, that needs our attention. I believe that, as we continue to walk and focus in on what our hearts have been drawn to, is what we need to pray about, to meditate upon or simply to release.

Since Americans spend more than 9 hours per day, on average, sitting down, and accomplishing tasks that take us outside of ourselves, prayer walking has the potential for being a simple method to combat "work related fatigue". Our bodies get tired, pudgy and achy from so much time spent seated, much of it hunched over a desk and gazing at a computer screen. Our minds get numbed to the barage of violent, sorrowful and tragic images we see on the news and by the monotony of routine. Our hearts become overwhelmed with problems we feel powerless to solve. It isn't any wonder that our bodies, minds and spirits become disconnected from one another. The Celts, the earliest Asian cultures, Native Americans and many other Ancient peoples, established prayer walks by following winding paths in a garden or through a forest...bringing the walker ever close to mindfulness. We can see find these in many parks.

But, one doesn't need a specific place to walk to reconnect. Simply by setting one's intention towards your meditative walk, by blocking out distractions (from without and from within), we can put ourselves on the path to good health once again: in body, mind and spirit.

"The best place to begin is at the beginning" ~ Scottish Proverb

"What we have here is a failure to communicate..."

"What we've got here is a failure to communicate" is one of the most famous lines uttered in any movie, in any decade. It happens to come from "Cool Hand Luke", starring a young Paul Newman, in one of my favorite films. It's said, dripping with malice, by a vicious police officer to Paul Newman's character of Luke, a man determined not to be beaten down by anyone...not the prison staff, not the fellow inmates, and certainly not the local police, who overreact in sending him to prison in the first place. While this blog piece is actually not a review of the review and insight into the movie, I do suggest that readers rent this Academy Award winning film. My intent is to focus on the ideas, thoughts and semantics regarding communication.

Communication, more specifically, the art of conversation, has changed radically since the advent of the Internet and mobile phones. One of the positive side, we are able to connect with friends all over the world with ease. I have friends in Australia and Europe with whom I converse regularly, thanks to the Internet. When one of my friends lived in Japan, we were able to be a support network for her, while she was abroad. Through mediums like Facebook, I've been able to reconnect with friends from high school, college, and our own days abroad, right from home. I've had an easier time maintaining friendships with friends who once lived close by, and have moved away. I am able to talk to my mother and daughter every day, both of whom live far from me. And, yet, these useful, and helpful tools can, too often, fill the void we inherently need in our quest to 'be heard' and to 'hear others'.

I recently read that 78% of Americans use the Internet as their primary tool for conversations. I found this statistic very sad and unsettling. I certainly use and appreciate the internet's many gifts, but isn't there something truly wonderful about sitting down with a friend, in person, and enjoying a cup of coffee, a glass of wine or a mug of tea? Isn't there something missing when we can't look at that friend's expressions, hear her laugh or see his smile? When we email, AIM chat or post on Facebook, we can't see that friend's twinkle, and really know her meaning. We can't place a hand on her shoulder, give her a real hug and say "I'm here for you. I understand.". We're unable to truly sense his meaning and intent. So much of our communication, as human beings, is non-verbal. Our body language is unreadable over the Internet. We can't see someone who is clearly hiding a heartbreak, or bursting with joy. We can only attempt to extrapolate meanings from their written words.

Recently, I met my friend, Molly, for coffee. Despite the fact that Molly and I live 5 minutes apart, we both seem to run the same ragged hockey mother lifestyle. For us, the Internet has been our way of still touching base and cheering each other on, whether from home, or various hotel rooms at hockey venues. However, meeting Molly for coffee made me realize how much I miss having face to face communication more often. Online, our conversations are to the point, even if we do get a little silly. However, sitting at the coffee house, we talked in a circular fashion, with multiple strands of thought weaving around us to create a spiderweb of thoughts and ideas and sharings. I realized how utterly human it is for our most meaningful conversations not to progress from Point A to Point Z. But, rather, to meander and redirect and to walk down both the path of seriousness and joviality at the same moment. It's healthy, and it's completely necessary, to allow our conversations to drift at times...to take on lives of their own and to create new trains of thought based on these offshoots.

While I am not advocating the end of the Internet by any means, and while I don't wish to limit any one's thoughts on using this valuable resource to stay in touch, I do want to raise awareness about the need for 'real' conversation. Making eye contact, giving a warm hug and just seeing your friends face to face can truly give a lift, when you need one, and can make a difference to that friend, if she's hurting. My advice is not to allow the human element of our communications to be removed, simply because of the ease of the internet's communication tools.

Plus, it's just plain fun to laugh so loudly that people stare. Try it. It's good for the soul.

The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. ~ Anthony Robbins

Volunteerism....

There are a lot of buzz words around these days, containing the ending of "ism". Some are complimentary, such as altruism, many are derogatory. Some are said with a sense of humor, while others are just mean spirited. Globalism can be positive, or negative, based on one's perspective. There are political 'isms'; from the "Bushisms" to the "Obamisms", trying to push the reader into into cynicism or optimism, based on the writer's preference. As with any part of speech that's overused, "ism" is, sadly, one of the victims of ism-ization.

This is truly a shame, because one word that means a great deal to me is Volunteerism. The definition for volunteerism is "the willingness of people to work on behalf of others without being motivated by financial gain." In our current economy, many organizations that do great works in our communities, in our nation, and around the world, are feeling the financial pinch, even more than the average citizen. Why? Because people, even those who haven't lost their work, are not giving financially as they once did. People are saving for a rainy day, since this does appear to be just such a time. While many of us would love to be able to give as we once did, financially, it's simply not a possibility. And, yet, there are great works to be accomplished to benefit others. So, how can we feel we're still engaged members of society when we have so little to give, personally?

The answer is that we can give of our time, our gifts, our skills, our listening ears, our open hearts and our talents. We can roll up our sleeves and get to work, not worrying about the financial end. Writing a check can be far easier than working on a home for Habitat for Humanity, or walking a dog at the local animal shelter, or helping someone learn to read at a literacy program at your local library. Making a donation is a wonderful gift, but what about taking just an hour to read to someone whose sight has left them or volunteering at food pantry? What about just asking an elderly friend if you can pick up her groceries for her? What about mentoring a teenager who doesn't have the family support she should? Even if we can't write checks to fund organizations, we can quietly, humbly, and peacefully make a difference in our very own communities.

Volunteering can make some people uncomfortable. We can see volunteering as a way of saying "I'm better than you. I can do this and then go home." We feel guilty by what 'what we have done, and what we have left undone'. The reality couldn't be more different. By sharing your time, in whatever way you feel led to, you are sharing a piece of yourself with another human being..or even an animal in need. This is far from superiority; it's a great equalizer. Some people are made uncomfortable by need, and I completely understand this feeling. There are dozens, possibly hundreds, of areas of need. There is, quite honestly, something for everyone.

When I helped out at the animal shelter, I had an impossible time. I was unable to play with the pets, and not bring them home. I learned that this was not my gift...I couldn't bring myself to walk with, play with and feed these animals and not make them my own. It broke my heart. I was unable to continue volunteering there. And yet, when I mentioned my plight to a friend of my daughter's, a lovely girl who wasn't allowed to have a pet of her own, she was sold on taking over my position. It was not a good fit for me, but it was a perfect fit for this teenager. She was able to fill up her love for animals, for as many hours as she was able to donate, and she understood the path to the door. Even our own shortcomings may lead to conversations that may lead to another's perfect volunteer fit.

Thankfully, my family has long been involved with volunteering in many forums. We've felt as blessed by our contributions of time as we have in our donations to organizations we support. In many ways, my husband's pounding nails at Habitat homes have given him a far greater sense of helpfulness and connectedness to the direct impact for one family, than just signing a check ever could. My son's volunteering to teach younger children to skate at the community's "Learn to Skate" program have afforded him the opportunity to give back the guidance and mentoring he himself was given by older boys. My own efforts have left me immeasurably humbled and honored. Our family has learned the lesson that sounds trite but is true: you receive back a thousand times what you give.

There are far too many worthy organizations to name, and I would be remiss to mention some, but not others. It's my hope that, even in our current economic climate, you can reach out in ways you never imagined. Even one hour per week, in an area in which you believe, can change your life. You can help someone else, make new friends, and honestly, take your mind out of your own worries. Volunteerism is one of the ways in which, I believe with all my heart, our country will return to a great path. When we do any action, that's not for our own gain, we benefit all.

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. ~ Booker T. Washington

Manners matter

Not long ago I was dining in an elegant restaurant with my family, and our server had the most atrocious manners I could imagine. We were surrounded by beauty, luxury, style and a delightful menu of delectable selections. Yet, when our gum snapping waitress snubbed our table several times, and then barked at a subordinate to just 'get the damn order' from us, we were fairly close to leaving the establishment. We did stay, but carried on with the focus of soldiers in battle, just trying to make it over the next hill. Our drinks were wrong, and we were told *we* were incorrect in our order. Our meals were delicious, but smacked down with ferocity. No one seemed to care a whit if we were enjoying our overpriced-for-the-service evening. My husband even commented that we've had more conscientious service at a McDonald's drive thru. Regardless, the evening, despite wonderful food, was disappointing. This was not because of someone who was clearly overworked and was doing her best. The fiasco was a result of the de-apprecation of manners, common courtesy and even vague politeness in our society.

Ironically, the simple pleasantries of "please" and "thank you" are so underrused these days that I've met strangers who are amazed that my teenagers will use these terms. I have done no special parenting. The fact is, I've aspired to teach my children basic values of courtesy and respect, and but certainly have not enrolled them in finishing courses or charm school. I find it fascinating that what I consider to be the most basic of nursery school values have been reduced to the exception, and not the norm. But, why is this? Most people, if one asks, believe that good manners do matter. When I make eye contact, and ask for help, 'please', I'm regarded with appreciation and assistance. I know that we do live in a fast paced, quickly changing and unsettled society. But, can't the simplest acts of kindness bring a sense of civility to an otherwise angry world? If children can learn basic manners in preschool, or even from Sesame Street, can't they bring these skills forward as they near adulthood? Why do our expectations change?

In Yoga, it is customary to bow, and with prayer hands, wish one's teacher and one's classmates "Namaste". Roughly translated from the Sanscrit, this simple word means "I honor the light within you". It's a beautiful method of ending class, of showing respect and for 'seeing' your fellow yoga practitioners with open hearts. It's a way to say "until we meet again" that honors each other in a more heartfelt manner than "Later, dudes". Namaste imbues the close of class with civility, warmth and a wish of goodwill, as we all head out the door, to experience our lives beyond the yoga classroom. In short, it shows good manners.

What can we do, outside of the Yoga studio, to help forge good manners? I believe that we can set a good example in our own responses and in the way we treat others. If we create an atmosphere of superiority, anger or disdain around us, then it's not going to be surprising if that's the way in which we are treated in return. While we can't control another person's actions or reactions, we are far more likely to receive positive responses, if we ourselves are polite, respectful, helpful, understanding and agreeable. If we imbue our own sense of projected self with thoughtfulness, we will, most of the time, receive the same understanding. If not, we can only be responsible for our own behaviors. If we are met with truly rude people, does this mean we need to be rude in return? No, it doesn't. It means we can create a stop to the 'pay it forward' that often generates from another's mistreatment.

The woman who was so rude to my family at the elegant restaurant at the Bellagio may just have been treated abominably by a previous table. Perhaps she had a fight with an uncaring husband at home. While we'll never know what caused her hostility, we treated her politely. Who knows? Perhaps our lack of angry reaction to her poor service may have caused her to be kinder the next time.

To coin an old phrase, good manners cost nothing, but can repay you a thousand times over.